Is It Naptime Yet

We enjoyed a family gathering with Jon’s family on Saturday. Jon and Lilah went swimming with everyone and I kept watch over Eden and talked with his parents. I was to bloated to go swimming. I titled this the woes of the red monster because I’m experiencing the red monster, other wise known as a period or menstrual cycle, (who knows what my posterity will call it.) It’s not fun because I’m getting one every week. Yes, every week for the past three weeks and it’s not lite little things. The first day is hardly anything, and then the next two days are heavy flow. I would have gone swimming had it not been so heavy. I feel that my sad days are linked to the period also. A day before it starts I am susceptible to instant sadness, well not instant, just a quick change of mood I suppose. Mostly it’s over being lonely. I was so distracted by school that I didn’t have time to do much of anything else. With being in school I also socialized with my other classmates, and I got enough people interaction. Now I feel like a complete loner. I hate having to make people come to me since I don’t have a car or a very large house, and I also realize how closed off I am to other people. I’m also sad because the one woman that I feel comfortable with is moving this Thursday to Dallas. It just makes me sad. We just get along really well and both talk a lot. She’s fun and I’ll miss that I wasn’t able to get together more often with her. I don’t make friends easily, I’m so connected to my family that I often don’t think about making friends, and now I feel trapped and alone. It’s also that so many of my friends or family live far away, so visits are limited. Kristi is going to try to have a weekly play date with me and bring over the kids, so I look forward to that. I also just feel a little isolated from the other women my age in my ward. I relate well enough to some but it’s hard to go out and spend time with them.
I’m just a little lonely I suppose plus the ranging hormones of nursing and frequent periods aren’t helping.
I just want to say it’s not everyday I fell this. Just one or two days a week. I don’ t dwell on it, I just become sad and sometimes cry when I think about it. I’m hoping that seeing new people and getting out with the girls will help.
I’m hoping that when we get the second car I’ll find a new freedom. I hope to go to the library and maybe some parks that have the water game, and I’ll need to invite another woman along.

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