What I’m worth.
I had a couple experiences with our new life insurance agent, who is really a financial planner, about the whole worth of a stay at home mother thing.
While talking on the phone to set up the appointment he asked if I was a stay at home mom, since he was calling me back in the middle of the week, in the middle of the day, and I said yes and he replied how it’s a great thing and how he was single parent for 11 years. Then he eventually said how I should probably ask for a raise because of all I do. I replied along the lines that I was fine and I felt that no raise was needed.
Then in the meeting with him he mentioned the sacrifice we’re making to have me at home, he did have a sheet of paper which told him how much Jon made, and how the worth of a stay at home mother in studies is around 100k. I replied that I think those studies justรย try to make us feel better as stay at home mothers.
It was just funny to me. I am staying and taking care of my daughters, but Jon often tries to help once home. He needs down time too, and more on some days than others, but he’s always willing to help out with the girls or chores if I’ve fallen behind. I don’t often feel under appreciated by him, though there are times, for both of us when we feel under appreciated, but I don’t feel like I need a raise, just because I stay home. In reality we both have our set allowance that we try to follow so if I get a raise, he does also.
I also feel like Jon does a lot to help around the house and I’m not doing everything all the time, though I do have those days.
I mean a father who worksรย outside the home is ‘off duty’ for 9 hours of the day, but once at home he has to deal with kids and messes and whatever the mom does too, if he is an active husband and father. I have it 24 hours, he has it 15 hours.
So does a father who helps at home get a study done on him on how much he contributes? No.
Does a mom do everything for the house and kids, I hope not.
A few months ago I would have agreed that I need a raise or a stay at home mother is worth 100k, blah blah blah, but right now I feel that those statements are the world trying to make up for the time they gave little thought and appreciation to stay at home moms, or the world trying to give confirmation that what a mom does is important, because so often it is overlooked.
I don’t need the world to give me that confirmation because I get it from my husband and children, and that is enough for me… At least for the moment, ask me in a few months when I’m teaching Lilah more and I decide how much a teacher is worth. ๐
March 13th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Maybe you should give yourself a raise when you’re a home-school teacher. ๐
March 14th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
For sure it sounds like something someone says just because they think they SHOULD say it.
However, I for sure would not turn down 100K a year…maybe you should have your financial planner give me a call! ๐
March 14th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
You make a good point about the shared responsibilities. I know that Brien helps me soooo much. I think that my pay for 8 hours of work while staying at home should be equal to what my husband earns for his work day.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Well for insurance purposes, if jon lost you, how much would he have to pay to take care of the girls for a little till he figures out what to do? Grandma’s could help, but he also needs the money for funeral expenses. Maybe I’m miss understanding and you have a smaller policy and this guy was just trying sell you more?
Sometimes people think if mother worked that would help the income, but really when a woman stays home the family saves money in work clothing, daycare, and meals out, or conveniece foods. I know you know this, but maybe this agent thought you didn’t.
March 14th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
He wasn’t trying to get us to take higher insurance, in fact he had a sheet of paper that calculated what we should have to maintain our current lifestyle and we just got the same amount for the both of us and it seemed very reasonable.
With the raise comment it was more that I work hard and deserve more money from my husband because everyone knows a stay at home mom is under appreciated since they don’t bring in the dough. But I feel that Jon on I are on equal terms with money. He doesn’t control it and we both are given an equal amount to do with what we want. It’s not “He makes the money so he gets to say what the money is spent on.” We are equal and Jon never makes me feel like less just because he works outside the home and gets a paycheck.
The 100k comment goes to studies that colleges do to say what the worth of a stay home mother is. Like psychologist, doctor, teacher, financial consultant, maid, chef, etc.
I think he was just trying to make small talk.