Archive for the 'Faith' Category

Happy Mother’s Day to Me

Sunday, May 10th, 2009

I feel like I should write something very sentimental, but I’m just not in the mood. So I’ll just let you know how my mother’s day has gone.

My alarm went off at 7:10 am, only because I forgot to switch it off from the previous day. Then Eden came and wished me Happy Mother’s Day and Jon came in at 7:30 am to tell me breakfast was ready. I was very happy that he had made be breakfast and it was french toast, my favorite, I just wasn’t too hot that it was 7:30 am. Since he worked hard I did wake up and eat breakfast.

During breakfast Eden was particularly quiet and wasn’t eating. We asked Eden what was wrong, but she didn’t reply. Then she started to get down, so we asked were she was going and she started to reply she wasn’t feeling well, but was not able to finish because she threw up the water she had drunk that morning. I cleaned up the water and got the couch ready for her, IE a towel over the couch and a bowl to catch anymore non cooperative food. She continued to have problems with water, juice and applesauce this morning. I had to teach a lesson so Jon took care of Eden while I got Lilah and myself ready for church. We got there early and just in time for Lilah to sing a prelude song with the Primary before the sacrament meeting started. I love hearing the primary kids sing a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day song. Last year they did neither, so I was very happy to hear that they were singing this year.

Before the administered of the sacrament I was looking forward to hearing who would be my teaching companion, but whomever they asked on Sunday must have said no. I wanted to cry and did a little. Lilah asked me why I was sad and I told her I was just frustrated. I wished that person new how much I needed someone’s support in the class, especially at this hectic time for me.  Since they didn’t call anyone I decided to ask the ward mission leader if could help me, but he was unsure which weekend he would be out of town so two members of our class volunteered. (Most of my gospel essentials class are long time, active members who just like gospel essentials, but don’t need to be there.) I just needed the next two weeks covered to keep my sanity since I’m making costumes and if I had a teaching partner they would have been able to help me at this burdensome time. I figure the lesson is the easiest thing I’m able to delegate and mentally it helps a lot to have one less thing to do.

I enjoyed the rest of sacrament meeting though we had some very unconventional things happen. Before we had our speakers there were four “competitions” for who was the oldest mother, the mother with the most children, the mother with the most grandchildren and the one who was the newest mother, or had the youngest baby. We stood up and then were eliminated. It was quite the show and even though it was done in fun, I hope it never happens again since it wasn’t very appropriate for Sacrament meeting.

Eden was feeling better by the time we came home from church. In fact she’s been wanting to eat almost nonstop. We think she became sick because she hadn’t eaten much on Friday or Saturday and the last time she went on a hunger strike she also got sick and was throwing up. I’m not sure if she’s sick so she doesn’t eat, or if she doesn’t eat and becomes sick. I think it’s the later because she wants food, but she just won’t eat what’s in front of her.

Jon did dishes for me today and Lilah repeatedly told me Happy Mother’s day all afternoon long. I received a picture from each girl and made a cheesecake to celebrate.

I’ve enjoyed my day and I was reminded that I was mother to two wonderful girls when I had one on my lap and another cuddled up to my on my left while we watched Nature. It was hot, but it was worth it.

Cute Dad

Monday, February 9th, 2009

When I let everyone who attended sacrament meeting on the day of my talk know that my husband was not a believing member of the church I got mixed reviews. Most were very supportive and just didn’t know, some where upset that Jon wasn’t who they thought he was.

One woman had previously given Jon a compliment on what a wonderful father he was and how she watched him and thought he was so great. Then that day I gave my talk she was so upset and said “I can’t believe I told him he was a great dad.”
Of course I came to his defense and said he is still a wonderful father and husband and that is why I stay with him but she just didn’t get it.

Yesterday at the end of Relief Society I was talking with a sister my my ward, Sister Brinkerhoff. I really love this sister and though I don’t know her extremely well she’s always been very kind and talkative when we’ve sat next to one another and genuinely concerned.
I had sat next to her for the third hour of church, or Relief Society in this case, and at the end she mentioned that I should go get my girls and get home. I told her that I don’t have my girls today because they’re with their dad this Sunday and we talked a little about how I let Jon have a Sunday with the girls because he allows me to take them to church. Then she gave the compliment of how cute he is with my girls and what a good dad he is.

It really touched me because she knows the situation, but can see past it and see what a wonderful father he is and not how he’s ruined my chances of having an eternal family or is a horrible man who did not honor his priesthood.

Then we exchanged some goodbyes and joked about not wanting one anothers trials, what the lesson had been about last week and she had taught.

I really love this sister and her friendship, and am grateful to be in a ward with wonderful people who are supportive of me and my family.

First Day of Primary

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

The girls were sick the very first Sunday of this year, so the second Sunday, or the eleventh, was their first Sunday of Primary, more specifically Eden’s very first Sunday of Primary and Lilah’s first Sunday with a new teacher, but it was a substitute and she’ll have her regular teacher next week.

They wore the dresses I picked out with Carolyn at Old Navy on Black Friday, and I later picked up the tights at Target.

I think they’re adorable and I can’t believe that Eden is now in Primary.

I asked Jon to get pictures, and these are the three he took. Lilah as been such a ham in pictures lately so these are true to her current silliness.

Not sure what Lilah is doing here.

I guess we are going to church and Lilah is assuming the correct position, just not the most reverent of faces.

Again, not sure what exactly is going through her mind.

Eden seemed to have a fun first day and when Jon and I separately checked in on her she seemed to be doing just fine.

Lilah’s teacher was a substitute, but we knew the sister, so her first Sunday in a new class went smoothly also. She talked, knew how to read trust when it was written on the board, and was very well behaved.

I don’t want them to grow up, but they sure are cute.

Staying Positive

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

After Thanksgiving my husband starting doing a weekly post on 5 things he’s grateful for that day, or week I suppose. He started doing this to help him focus on the positive, rather than the negative, and to be a happier person in general. Lately I see myself easily getting down and comparing myself or my life to other’s and not measuring up. To help me stay focused and positive I too am going to start a list of 5 things I’m grateful for each week starting today.

1. A wonderful husband, who regardless of being an aethiest, got me and the girls Christmas presents and told me when Christmas programs were on that he thought I would like and watched them with me and the girls.
2. Two healthy beautiful girls.
3. The gospel of Jesus Christ.
4. A home.
5. A, realatively, healthy body. (Right now it’s not at it’s healthiest but I’m trying to remedy that.)

Their Brightest Star

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

I went to a funeral today.

It was for my friends’ son who died at six weeks old.

It was truly beautiful to see the love between these two people and their supportive family.

To see the small casket was heartbreaking.
To hear what they had laid in it with their son was uplifting.
An airplane that had stayed by their son’s side to show how much his father loved him and how much he would have, and wanted to, provide  for this little boy and his needs.
A blue and white blanket from a mother who would have wrapped her arms in love around her son every day.

It was hard to hear that Jack had never cried because of the need for life support he was never able to cry. It was hard to hear that they had not been able to hold their son till he was gone.

Two things I take for granted as a mother to two healthy girls.

Adam, the father, impressed me in his love for others who might be dealing with quiet, unseen, trials. Their trial was/ is very open but his love for others trials impressed me.

Elizabeth’s faith was inspiring.

I know I can only sympathize and give my love to this family. I know that I cannot know or truly understand what they’re going through because it has not happened to me. But I do love this couple, their older daughter, and their beloved son because they have shared so much over time as friends and over the internet with their blog.

It was a wonderful service and though I was happy to wrap my arms around Elizabeth and give her a hug, it was sad because of the circumstances.

Our Brightest Star
Written by Elizabeth Johanson

Life on Earth is filled with happiness;
Life on Earth is filled with love.
It’s filled with fun and joy and beauty –
And wondrous gifts from above.

But life here is also filled with sorrow;
Not void of grieve and pain.
It’s filled with hate, it’s filled with hurt,
It’s under Satan’s reign.

There are some of Father’s children,
– of this much I am sure –
Who have no right to suffer here –
Because they are too pure.

My little son, my precious one –
You are one of those
Who needn’t struggle through  this test;
You’ve passed it – Father’s knows.

So wait for us at Heaven’s gate;
Wait at Heaven’s door.
We promise we will meet you there;
We promise to endure.

And when we need you, and miss you so;
When we wonder how you are,
We’ll raise our eyes, and look above –
You’ll be our brightest star.

Love, Mommy


Jack Alexander Johanson
November 18, 2008- December 29, 2008

Send Love

Monday, December 29th, 2008

A friend of mine from high school recently had a baby, but he was born with many complications, and after about six weeks of life has passed away.

She has written about the ups and down of his short life over the past weeks and, through such grace, his death.

She and her husband, whom I also went to high school with, now live far from me, and we’ve connected through blogging over the last year. In fact she’s one of the few people from high school that I have really felt more connected to through blogging and is one of the many reasons I think it is wonderful.

I know the death of her son will forever change her and her family and she has shown such strength, something that I admire so greatly.

I just want to send my love and ask those who read this to send their love towards my friend and her angel son who is now with his grandfather and Heavenly Father in heaven.

Lilah’s talk

Monday, December 15th, 2008

On Saturday I remembered Lilah needed to give a talk on Sunday. I don’t have the exact slip with what the theme was anymore but it went something like: I love Jesus Christ and the restored Gospel, or I’m thankful for Jesus Christ and the restored Gospel, or Jesus Christ and the restored Gospel makes me happy.

I really didn’t know what to do with it, so I had her write it by asking  a few simple questions.

Me: Why do you love Jesus?

L: I love Jesus because he was resurrected and Mary put the clothes on him.

Interpretation for talk: I love Jesus because he was resurrected and can resurrect me after I die.

Me: How does the Gospel make you happy?

L: The Gospel makes me happy because I love Jesus and the Gospel.

No talk interpretation needed.

Mommy added the last sentence because Lilah was giving interesting answers.

Because of the restored Gospel I can be with my family forever.

So the talk totaled three lines. I love Jesus because he was resurrected and can resurrect me after I die. The Gospel makes me happy because I love Jesus and the Gospel. Because of the restored Gospel I can be with my family forever.

I typed it up Sunday morning, went over it once with her while we sat in the foyer during sacrament meeting, because we were late and there wasn’t room in the Chapel.

Jon went with her to watch and I asked a leader to help her read the talk, but she apparently had to sit with another child and I had to teach a class, so Lilah was on her own since I could not be there, though I would have mostly stood back and watched anyways.

She read all of it and needed help with only one word, restored, which I expected after our one time run through.  The counselor that was in charge Lilah for her talk said she had done so well and must have been practising it all week, but in reality it just helps to have a child who can read and recognize words in context. (I’m sure if I pointed out resurrected she would have a hard time reading it, but in context, no problem. )

I’m really proud that she was able to give the talk on her own with only a little help. Had we been practising it all week I’m sure she not only would have remembered that one word, but would have had the talk memorized since she’s so smart and I think sometimes it’s my own flakiness/ business that holds her back.

Busy Day

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Today was a busy day for me in terms of church. I spoke in Sacrament meeting, and then taught a lesson during the next one hour block. One of the girls in my class, I say girls but she’s really around 19 or 20, jokingly asked if I was also teaching Relief Society, which is the final class for adult women in our three hour block. Then we had a good chuckle because the lesson was about the Second Coming and Millennium and that was the lesson I gave in Gospel Essentials, of course slightly different since they’re from different manuals.

My talk went well, I decided to share that my husband’s beliefs had lead him away from the church. I just felt that is was necessary to share that bit of information with the message I was trying to convey. As my friend Nancy said, I said just enough that could be public, without going into unnecessary private details. She also complemented me on the fact that I don’t wear my situation on my shoulder and allow it to shape or change me. Most did not know my circumstance.

I got many positive responses after my talk. One woman shared with me that she was in the exact same boat I am, and it had only been in the past five years of their marriage that her husband had returned to church. She also mentioned on the strength of my marriage to have my husband there today supporting me even though I was outing him, per say, and the difficulty of sharing what I did because so often those in my circumstance are just quiet.  A friend of mine said she wished she could have heard my talk as a teenager because she had a lot of anger since her parents were not  sealed together. Most just complemented me on my talk and said how strong I was or wonderful. I appreciated these thoughts because I felt naked, putting myself and family out there for others to know and judge.  One woman said she’d like to take Jon over her knee. She had once complemented Jon on what a wonderful father he was and that she’d watch him with our girls. She made a comment today in such a way that it seemed like she wouldn’t have told him he was a good father if she had known his beliefs, and that makes me sad because I don’t think having the priesthood makes you a wonderful father, it might add to it, but it’s not all you need to be a good father. Jon mentioned she might feel duped and didn’t feel offended by her comment.

A part of me is happy to have my situation out there. In a way I felt like I had to hide it or make it hush, hush, but in reality this is my life and I don’t wish to wear it on my shoulder, but I wish for people to know that it is possible to have a happy marriage,even in what are imperfect circumstances. I want to be an example to more than the few auxiliary leaders that knew about what was going on, I want to help others and connect to them in deeper ways. I want to weed out people who will just judge me and my family and allow true friendships to flourish.

One woman in my ward called and asked for a copy of my talk so she could reread it and send it to her children. She’s a convert to the church and her husband never converted before he died and she felt inspired and touched by what I said.

Also when the counselor who asked me to give my talk told his wife, who happens to be the  Relief Society president in our ward, that he had asked me to give a talk on Eternal Families, she mentioned that it was kinda cruel, or not nice to asked me, but he said I vindicated him.

This is the talk I gave. I learned a lot while I was writing it and I am happy that it helped so many, but more importantly that it helped me.
I hope I haven’t hyped it up too much. I was emotional during parts, so I’m sure that added to the spirit there, but I hope what I have to say is still helpful to all who take the time to read it.


If I were to do a word association game and ask you to tell me the first word that pops into your head when I say the words Eternal Family, and you, the congregation, could respond I know there would be a number of of answers. Since you can’t respond I’d like to tell you some things I imagine might be said by members of this congregation.

Some might be: Temple, temple marriage, sealing, family, love, hope, joy, happiness, eternity.

Other answers might be: never or not for me.

Now I’ve listed two kinds of answers. Most of us would answer positively or give the normal by the book answers, but some of us might possibly think we are never going to have an eternal family, or that an eternal family isn’t for us because of our circumstances.

Eternal families are something offered to couples who have been married, or sealed, in the temple to their spouse, but it is not limited to just those who fit in the equation of how to more likely achieve an eternal family. The equation for an eternal family being, one worthy man sealed to one worthy woman, in the temple for time and eternity, and keeping those covenants throughout their mortal live. The last part, or keeping our covenants is the most important part of the equation.

Our church is made up of very many people and thus we have many people in many diverse circumstances and they may, or may not, fit into that ideal Eternal Family equation.

Some of us are single, which encompasses young singles, middle aged singles, older singles, divorced singles and widowed. Some of us are married, which include those who have been married in the temple and those who have not been able to go to the temple for various reasons. Some reasons possibly being we are converts and our spouses did not convert, or we just simply did not marry in the temple and we may or may not be preparing for being sealed to our spouse.

Some of us appear to be apart of the perfect equation, but worry about being able to achieve an eternal family because our own faith has wavered or our spouses faith has wavered or changed to such a degree that they are no longer keeping their covenants and we may not be with our family into the eternities. I fall into the last category, by way of a spouse who has changed his beliefs.

One thing I have learned and have a testimony of is that even through all this diversity and the appearance of not fitting perfectly into the Eternal Family equation, we are all promised blessings of an eternal family if we stay faithful and worthy.

Those of us in less than perfect circumstances don’t desire to be singled out or have sorrow or pity felt towards us, for we all are imperfect. What we desire is love and hope.

Elder M. Russel Ballard once said:

A family can live with Him only after a man and a woman are sealed in marriage for eternity by the power of the holy priesthood. We acknowledge that many in the Church desire this great blessing but see little evidence of its fulfillment in this life. Nevertheless, the promise of exaltation remains an attainable goal for each one of us. The prophets have stated clearly that no blessing will be withheld from any of God’s sons and daughters if they love Him, have faith in Him, keep His commandments, and endure faithfully to the end.

Equality through Diversity Elder M. Russell Ballard, “Equality through Diversity,” Ensign, Nov. 1993

President Howard W. Hunter said:

This is the church of Jesus Christ, not the church of marrieds or singles or any other group or individual. The gospel we preach is the gospel of Jesus Christ, which encompasses all the saving ordinances and covenants necessary to save and exalt every individual who is willing to accept Christ and keep the commandments that he and our Father in Heaven have given.

Each commandment given is for our benefit and happiness. To love and serve God and to love and serve his Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, should be our goal. Our focus of affection should be on these two holy Beings, and we should worship them with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. We should be engaged in assisting them in their divine purposes of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (See Moses 1:39.)


May I hasten to add that no blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer—perhaps even beyond this mortal life for some to achieve this blessing, it will not be denied. The Church Is for All People Howard W. Hunter, “The Church Is for All People,” Tambuli, Aug. 1990

So the apostles and prophets have stated that the blessings of eternal marriage, or family, will not be denied to any worthy individual.

I know many of us already knew that the blessings of eternal families will not be denied to us if we are worthy despite our imperfect circumstances. Even so it may seem hard for those who do not fit into the perfect equation for eternal families to have hope, but I dare say that it is up to all of us, whether we fit into the perfect equation or not, to individually prepare to be apart of our own eternal family.

President Hunter he also stated:

The atonement that Christ wrought was in behalf of every individual. However, each must work out his or her own salvation, for we are not saved collectively. While it is true that worthy couples will obtain exaltation in the celestial kingdom, each man and each woman sealed in an eternal relationship must be individually worthy of that blessing.

An eternal marriage will be composed of a worthy man and a worthy woman, both of whom have been individually baptized with water and with the Spirit; who have individually gone to the temple to receive their own endowments; who have individually pledged their fidelity to God and to their partner in the marriage covenant; and who have individually kept their covenants, doing all that God expected of them. The Church Is for All People Howard W. Hunter, “The Church Is for All People,” Tambuli, Aug. 1990

So we individually need to be committing ourselves to to Lord. We personally need to be applying the atonement and keeping the commandments. I want to emphasize once more what President Hunter said: The worthiness of one’s friends or family will not save him or her. There must be an individual effort.

We only have agency over ourselves, so it is only fair that we are judged individually on our worthiness in obtaining an Eternal Family.

So whether or not we fit into the perfect equation of eternal marriage and family doesn’t matter, we are all individually responsible for saving ourselves, and as parents we are responsible for teaching our young children.

But I’m going to be focusing on what, as an individual, is my part in my Eternal family.

First off, I am responsible for obeying the commandments of God.

When I think of obeying the commandments I think if all the things I need to be doing daily.

Praying to the Lord, seeking the scriptures, paying my tithes, living as purely as possible are all things I think of as living the commandments of our Heavenly Father.

Since I do have children, teaching my children the gospel of Christ also falls into obeying the commandments and things I need to be doing daily.

I know that I cannot save my family through my faith alone and thus want to teach my children so they can choose the gospel and save themselves. I also know, being from a family where not every sibling actively believes in the doctrines of the church, and having a husband who does not believe, that all I can do is be an example to my family, friends, and love ones and most importantly love them. I know the heartache of seeing someone you love depart or distance themselves from the church, but I also know that they have their own agency and all I can do is teach and be an example to them in hopes that they return and can be apart of my eternal family. Being an example and showing love are the best ways to teach or share the Gospel of Christ with a person.

Making and keeping individual covenants with the Lord is another way I try to become worthy for an eternal family.

President Howard W. Hunter noted:

I have always been impressed that the Lord deals with us personally, individually. We do many things in groups in the Church, … but … the most important things are done individually. We bless babies one at a time, even if they are twins or triplets. We baptize and confirm children one at a time. We take the sacrament, are ordained to the priesthood, or move through the ordinances of the temple as individuals—as one person developing a [personal] relationship with our Father in Heaven. … Heaven’s emphasis is on each individual, on every single person” (“Eternal Investments,” address to CES religious educators, 10 Feb. 1989, p. 4; emphasis added)

As young as eight, people are baptized into the church and receive the holy ghost. Baptism is the first covenant we make as an individual with the Lord. We then renew that covenant with the Lord each sabbath day by worthily partaking of the sacrament.

As we get older and grow within the gospel we go to the temple and individually make covenants with the Lord when we take out our endowments. Ideally, we then return to the temple to hear those covenants as we make them vicariously for those who have passed on.

For our families encompass more than just our spouse and children. Last week in a Relief Society discussion we were asked what tools we would want for those difficult times or when we are in the midst of spiritual storms and one of the sisters replied her mom. Our Eternal family encompasses our siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and all we are connected with.

Returning to the temple for endowment sessions helps me prepare for my Eternal family and gives those who have passed on a chance to be with their family eternally.

The last or the highest covenant called the new and everlasting covenant of celestial marriage is also made within the walls of the temple and between the Lord and an individual. When we are sealed in the temple of the Lord, we make covenants with the Lord, not with our spouse. As mortals we are imperfect and thus why we make the sealing covenant with the Lord, a perfect heavenly being, and not with our spouse, an imperfect mortal.

I had an institute teacher explain this relationship once as a triangle.

The Lord is at the top angle, while each spouse is at the bottom. The Lord brings us closer together and binds us together as we each, individually, come closer to the Lord and keep those covenants.

We are to try our very best to be prepared to make the new and everlasting covenant in this life, but if we are not given the opportunity the prophets have promised it in the life to come.

One of the most important elements of preparing myself for an eternal family is the Atonement of Christ, for without the atonement we would not be able to make and keep covenants with the Lord and would not be worthy to be in the presence of the Lord or our Eternal family.

We would not be able to repent of our sins and mishaps and we would be damned without the atonement.

The atonement is here for us to make use of everyday and is for everyone. The Atonement allows us to worthily renew our baptismal covenants to be cleansed once again to enter the presence of the Lord.

While I was preparing for this talk I found a scripture that sums up much of what I’ve been trying to say.

It’s found in 2 Nephi 10: 23-25

23 Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

24 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.

25 Wherefore, may God raise you from death by the power of the resurrection, and also from everlasting death by the power of the atonement, that ye may be received into the eternal kingdom of God, that ye may praise him through grace divine. Amen.

I know that all of us can become worthy for an eternal family, no matter our circumstances, I know each of us can and should have the same goal of obtaining an eternal family and some of the ways of ensuring life with our families in the eternities are through obedience to the commandments, making and keeping covenants with the Lord, and exercising the Atonement in our daily lives.

Please don’t pity me

Sunday, November 9th, 2008

A while back Jon brought my attention to a blog post by a woman from a part member family. The last point was to not feel sorry for her her life, since she is not married to a member of the church.

Lately I feel like I’ve been pitied, but not in the ‘ah I feel so bad way’, but in ‘you are so strong in your faith way’. I know it might sound ungrateful, but some of the comments I’ve received I feel are derived from the fact that Jon is not an active member of the church. If I was married to an active temple worthy member, going to the temple by myself would be no big deal, but since I have a husband who is not an active member, I’m seen as a pillar of strength and faith.

I guess it comes from wanting to be a normal member of the church and I don’t want to be seen as different. I know there are times where I do want that attention or to be given special consideration, but overall I am the same as everyone else, it’s my husband who is different.

I sometimes forget my that my husband is not like other priesthood holding members of the church. When teaching a lesson and the subject of eternal marriage came up, I was more concerned about my sister and how she felt, than myself, even though we’re in similar boats, only she chose to marry outside the church and I did not, and she is not active in the church, and I am. Being an active, temple worthy member, I still feel that I am entitled to the same blessings as every temple worthy couple. I still feel support from Jon to allow me to practice my faith, though it is very different than him participating in my faith with me.

I guess I don’t see myself as so different than others within the church.

Sometimes I appreciate the words of comfort telling me I’m strong in my faith and that particular person admires me for what I’m doing. Mostly I feel that a person pities the situation I’m in and is glad they’re not me. I don’t want pity. I just want to be seen as the same.

This thought came up because I was asked to give a talk in church for this coming Sunday. It’s about eternal marriage-my part. The bishopric member who asked me to give the talk because he felt that I could give inspiration to others that are not married, widows, or in a part member family. He also expressed that I seem to be strong in my faith etc. I expressed my concern that not a lot of people know my situation, so I’m wondering how I can help those he wants me to when they might still see me as married to a worthy priesthood holder. He said I wasn’t needing to explain my situation necessarily but just focus on how an individual is responsible for themselves in the eternal realm, since we only have agency over ourselves.

I’m not sure how I’m going to approach the topic. I’m speaking as the opening speaker to a high councilman so I don’t have to take up a huge amount of time and I was only asked today, in which I have 7 table runners to finish by Wednesday and then a lesson to prepare for class this Sunday. I work well under pressure. In fact I’m sure even if I had two weeks to work on the talk and no table runners to make I would only get to it the week before and really start writing a few days ahead. In this case I just have two things to worry about, with teaching the lesson, but I’ve given talks on days I’ve had to give lessons before.

I’m just not sure how I’m going to connect to those he wants me to connect with without telling my plight, though I fear getting overly emotional and the focus being on my “sad” circumstances rather than inspiring others to focus how to be a good member of the church and how to work on being an member of an eternal family when you’re not sealed to another person.

I’m just not sure what to do.

Weekend schedule and Primary Program

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Saturday we had a few events.

I had a bridal shower to attend, which I brought Eden with me. Lilah had her primary program practice, which Jon took her too since I was at a bridal shower.

After the bridal shower I headed over to the chapel to watch the end of the practice. This was to be Jon’s study time so I was trying to stay out of the house. After the practice we headed over to Sam’s to decorate the playhouse and get the backyard presentable for the party on Monday. Sam’s husband mowed the lawn and tidied out the play house. He killed three black widows that were living under the few pieces of wood he had in there. We didn’t see any after that.  I cleaned off some bikes and outside toys. I killed 5 spiders in the process. It makes me wonder what spiders we might have on the girl’s, not played with very often, outside toys.

We returned home around 5:30 and had dinner that night.

Sunday was Lilah’s primary program. We tried to get to the church early, but ended up there right on time. Luckily, Jon’s mom and sister Dara were there early and were able to save a pew for us. My mom, Carolyn, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law Dara came to watch Lilah in the program.

Lilah was one of the more enunciated children in her age bracket. Her line was “The scriptures teach me about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and how to return to them.” Lilah was on the left side of the podium and consequently could not see the conductor when they sang songs. Her and her other two classmates seemed to focus on whatever suited them. They still did pretty well on singing and were very well behaved.

During one song Lilah started playing with her curly hair. She was fluffing it and bringing pieces over her head and then did a classic hair toss. Jon said she was practicing for her shampoo commercial days.
She was really cute and we had lots of fun watching her.

I gave the closing prayer, or benediction, and had to teach Gospel Principles so we headed right to class.

Story about the closing prayer.
Last week Jon was asked by the executive secretary if he and I would give the prayers for sacrament. Jon declined for himself but said he would give the message to his wife. He gave me the message and we left it at that.
Sunday we showed up right on time, but I wasn’t positive I would be giving the benediction.  We got there and I looked in our bulletin, but it said: Benediction- By invitation.
So I listened intently to see if they would announce who was giving the closing prayer.
They didn’t.
We sang the closing song and I had my eye out to see if anyone else would stand to give the prayer, particularly the wife of the brother who had said the invocation. She didn’t move so I quickly got up to say the closing prayer. Luckily we were close to the front and I had the isle seat.
It frazzled me for the rest of the day since I get really nervous speaking from the pulpit and because of my confusion.

Jon ushered the girls to their classes and I ushered Carolyn and my in-laws to my class. The class did not go as smoothly as I would have liked, but I guess that’s just the way it is some days. ( I was teaching and with our busy schedule had not gone over it has much as I should have, plus it wasn’t really a big discussion lesson and I had family, which do make me a little more nervous.)
We then went to Relief Society and then to our house.

My MIL made the stop by our house to see my painted bedroom and finished curtains. I think it’s been nearly two years since she’s been to our house and she was interested in seeing our few, and minor, improvements. She and Dara only stayed for a short time since she needed to get back to my FIL.

Carolyn spent the day with us because we had family home evening that night, and it was at the Lee’s house, who live just a couple miles up the street from us, and she lives on the other side of town, like 20 miles one way.

She entertained my children while I did some much needed house work. We also made the sugar cookies that were for decorating at the party the next day.

At family home evening we saw our first cousin’s once removed little girl, who was not yet three weeks old.

All these babies make me want to have a baby, but that will have to wait.

After a night of family we came home and I slept through the make-up yoga class on  Monday morning.