Archive for October 15th, 2009

Doing things for myself.

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

I’m just not good at doing things for myself. I take time away to relax, but it’s the easy relax, watch TV, go on Facebook, try to find blogs to read. I occasionally find time to go out with girlfriends, but most of the time it’s because they’ve planned it. I really like these things, but they’re not completely fulfilling. I want more. I think that’s the story of my life right now.

Wanting more but feeling to blah to do anything because of all the other things I have to do.

I’m not all self sacrificing. I feel that I’m a pretty selfish mom and wife in some ways.  For one I have the girls eat the heels to the bread because I don’t like them. I know I’m terrible. We always made my mom eat the heels of the bread, so I blame her. She allowed us to be picky. I do occasion eat the heels, and Jon dislikes me making the girls eat something I won’t. Sometimes if my brown sugar is really hard I use the bread heel to soften it, but I’m just too selfish and picky to eat heels of bread and now the girls don’t even whine when I give them a sandwich with a heel. I figure it’s only a matter of time before the get older  and start leaving the heel for me, like we did for our mother, once they start making their own sandwiches and realize they have a choice.

I know I’m a selfish wife in some ways. I can’t think of a particular habit right now, but I’m sure there’s something I do to benefit me in my relationship with Jon. I just feel like I’m doing a lot right now with him in school that I can’t think of something.

I’m sewing an apron today for a friend of mine. She has a sewing business on the side, and has passed some of her work my way. I find it funny that I’ll be sewing an apron for someone else, when the one I want to sew for me has been just waiting. I will say I’ve misplaced the instructions, and it’s a little different, so I need to find them before I can actually sew the pattern, but I find myself to be pretty silly when it comes to doing things for me. I love to shop and buy clothes, but make something for me even when I’m excited, doesn’t happen? Sometimes I wonder why I’m so strange.

On an up note, I’ve organized my food cupboards. I think it was for me, and it’s satisfying to know what I have and where it is. I’ve realized that I’ve become obsessed with canned beans. I have a few recipes that use them and have needed to buy them to make them, so in the last two months I’ve stocked up on them just because. So now I have 5 cans of garbanzo and kidney beans, each, and 6  cans of black beans. I think I need to make some hummus, black bean enchiladas and Tuscan Bean stew.

What do you do or not do for yourself and is there a food you don’t like so you pawn it onto your children or spouse?