Life
My husband has his own blog and it deals primarily with his evolving thoughts on religion and other things. My blog is primarily about my day to day life and the things I do with my girls. Every once in a while I get things that peeve me but overall it’s my life not much more.
I’ve recently gotten e-mails from old friends who have discovered my blog and the post specifically dealing with Jon’s decision to become a nonbeliever in Mormonism, or as he would like to say a naturalist.
I haven’t posted much about life and how I’m dealing with it because, like I tell many, it doesn’t affect me each day and it is not a burden per say in my life. I have a difficult path ahead of me, but I feel that my marriage is secure.
Jon is open with Lilah who asks so many questions and with that she asks questions about Jon’s non belief in God. So I have to, and he has to, answer questions about why Daddy doesn’t believe in God and why Mommy does. We try to show each others side and not just persuade her to one.
The funniest thought Lilah had because of this was this question: “Why doesn’t Daddy believe in poop?” She ask this question a couple of times as I dealt with the aftermath of her bodily functions, but I tried to explain that Daddy does believe in poop because you can see poop, no I didn’t add feel, I went on to say that Daddy doesn’t believe in God because he can’t see God, but Mommy believes in God because of the good feelings she’s had. I know it sounds a little lame but I am trying to put it in Layman’s terms for my just 4 a week ago 4 year old.
So, my new dilemma is testifying my belief to my daughters. I don’t see it so much as a trial but as an opportunity for me to learn and gain a greater understanding of my faith so that I can tell them in Layman’s term now and as they age tell them in deeper terms so they can then decide for themselves.
I am well. I love my husband and my daughters. I am happy.
I just wanted to put this little update so those who might wonder how I’m doing know that I am well. All prayers are still welcomed though. I still think they are needed, but more in the light to help me find my way in faith rather than find my way in adversity.
Some might say that this is my trial, my flame to becoming purified through Christ. I don’t know if I see completely that way. After all how is Jon’s disbelief suppose to get me to the celestial kingdom if I can’t be with the person I love? I see it as a way to show a more pure love towards my husband and a pure love towards my children whom might follow my path or chose another.
I ache and long to know my destiny. I wish I could see the end, not to change it, well maybe to change it, but so I know the difficulties that lie ahead.
June 26th, 2007 at 9:16 am
I believe in poop. Telling Lilah that we can feel poop would have been a rookie mistake. ๐ I can only imagine the scatological hijinks that might have have ensued.
Lacey, I’m happy that you’re (mostly?) happy. I know this isn’t what you would have chosen, but I’m grateful that you’ve chosen to stay with your straying husband. Here’s to a long, wonderful life of adventure together!
July 2nd, 2007 at 1:12 am
Dear Lacey,
Hello, my Dear! I love you and admire your strength and willingness to share such a personal experience with others. As for your eternal family. The Lord has promised that those who stay true and faithful to the covenants they have made, regardless of what their eternal companions CHOOSE to do, they will NOT be denied the blessings promised them. Have faith and trust in the Lord. I love you!
July 3rd, 2007 at 9:54 am
[…] wife posted a week ago about her current feelings seven months after I shared my disbelief with her. I kept forgetting to post a link to it. […]
July 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 am
Lacey,
I feel a bit like I’m intruding on some private family thing, but it is the internet, and I have been very interested in your story and your husband’s. I’ve been reading both your blogs, particularly posts about this whole experience of having him stopping his church involvement and belief. I’m a 28-year-old grad student at Penn State. I’m married and we have 2 small children – a 3-year-old and a 7-month-old. Over the last couple years I have felt myself drifting from the church and disagreeing with many of its teachings and stances on social and moral issues. I also came to the realization that I am agnostic, and had been reluctant to say so for many years. I let my wife on to this little by little since last summer, and at the start of this year stopped attending church.
My wife has taken it better than I imagined she ever would, and honestly, I think our marriage is better and stronger than it ever was. I guess we had to make it that way or we just wouldn’t last. She is definitely sad, as you are, but she is glad that I’m doing what I think is right, and she knows that I am still very committed to her and our kids. Without God and the church, my family is everything to me now. Maybe your husband feels the same way.
It’s been interesting to read his blog. We are similar in many ways, but different in others. I have a great respect for religion and religious people. I study the sociology of religion. I also feel a need in my life for some sort of religious or spiritual influence, which is tricky since I’m agnostic. I have become involved with a Unitarian Universalist congregation and enjoy it very much. I am happy to be part of a religious community, and proud to be part of a liberal, loving, accepting, socially aware faith. I have a blog on which I explore religion, politics, sociology, etc.
My 3-year-old asks why I don’t go to church with her and her mom. It makes me sad, but also happy that she sees me doing something that is hard and that I think is best for our family. I have talked to her about how important it is that everyone have the opportunity to choose their own beliefs, and that some people choose to not believe, and that some non-believers even choose to go to church (like some Unitarian Universalists). I think my daughter will be well-rounded, tolerant, and confident because of our dual influence.
Thanks for sharing your story. I will continue to follow it.
July 3rd, 2007 at 3:55 pm
Steve-
Jon would like to go to Unitarian Church not far from us but it’s at the same time our church is and I’m not ready to give him up from sacrament yet. Partially because there are days Lilah does not want to go to church, more that she wants to stay home and play, so I want Jon to help me with this for a while longer. It makes life at church a little easier to have him. Less people wondering what’s going on with him is always better for me and there’s always someone to take the girls out or get me props for my class if I forget.
October 6th, 2010 at 12:39 am
Hi there!
I don’t know you, your husband commented on my husband’s blog, and voila! I found both your blogs!
Thank you so much for posting this, it was truly moving for me.
I just read your post about your husband first telling you that he was leaving and this one, and I have to say it sounds very similar to my experience with my husband, even though the circumstances were actually pretty different.
First, I’m Catholic and Joe was raised Mormon. He quit being Mormon several years ago, but only a year ago sent in his letter resigning from the church. Anyway, I always thought that eventually I would convert him. He seemed to agree with me when we would talk about what Catholicism teaches and stuff, and he went to Mass with me every weekend and all that. I wanted a “real” Catholic wedding (I wanted us both to receive Communion). So when it got down to a year before the wedding date (you can only be baptized as an adult once a year, at Easter), I started really pushing for Joe to “admit” that he was going to become Catholic. He wasn’t. He in fact was saying that he didn’t even know if he believed in God or Jesus at all. I was devastated.
But over time, I accepted that Joe was not going to convert, and that it didn’t mean he’s not my soul mate anymore. It didn’t mean we’d have a crappy marriage. It didn’t mean we didn’t really love each other.
In the end, my growing understanding of feminism and LGBTQ issues, as well as the history of Christianity and the Bible led me to be really disillusioned with the Catholic Church anyway. I realized that if I’d had a “faithful Catholic” husband, I never would have challenged all the things I had been taught which I later found to be historically or scientifically proven false, or just plain prejudiced nonsense. My “unbelieving” husband forced me to think for myself and question all the things I had always taken for granted. And his constant support was the impetus for me to speak my mind on what I thought, not what anyone else (including him) wanted me to think.
I am so grateful to have a heathen for a husband. ๐ hehe