Is It Naptime Yet

I am very shy.

What?

You’re one of the people who don’t believe me, or maybe you are one of the people who does believe me and are nodding your head in agreement.

I tell Jon I’m shy and he doesn’t believe me. My own husband.

I told my friend Sam I’m shy and she says that is the one word that would never enter her mind if she had to describe me. She then told me how I’m friendly at church things and how I talk to people.

True, I have introduced myself to others at church things.

True, I do talk to people, but there are many times I hate talking to people, and thus don’t, but it’s because I’m being too bashful to try to start a conversation. So see, I’m shy.

Since two of my closest friends don’t think I’m shy, I think I’m faking it pretty well.

Honestly, I hate going up and talking to people. I introduce myself to individuals in my class on the Sundays I teach, but the other Sundays I usually sit back and watch.

Lately, I’ve hardly said hello to anyone I don’t know well at church or to the two co-ops I attend.

I was recently at a wedding for a friend from high school and was too shy to say hello to some people. I found those I was most comfortable with and talked latched onto them. I was in a bashful mood and I worried that people wouldn’t remember me, or worse, they did remember me and didn’t want to talk to me.

The wedding was probably worse for me because I think I was at my shyest in high school. I was very quiet. So quiet that on a trip to Disneyland, on more than one occasion, my friends were surprised that I hadn’t left the group because, I was hardly saying  a word and just walking with them. (Why I was so shy around my friends is another story, but we’ll leave it at the fact that I didn’t know if any were true friends at that time.)

I know I can be friendly, and deep down I want to be super friendly, as in I never worry about being outgoing and am automatically a friendly type of person, but for now I fake it.

Some days I fake it better than others and I now want to make it a goal to be outgoing to those I meet, so I can one day say to myself I am not shy.

I say fake it till you make others believe you and then maybe you’ll finally believe them.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 22nd, 2010 at 8:42 pm and is filed under Craziness, Friends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.