Mammary glands and baby
Friday was the last day I feed Eden. I am now trying to get my breast to stop producing milk. I’m pumping in the morning and twice now Eden has seen me pumping and done the eat sign. It breaks a little mama’s heart to have her baby want to nurse but to say no. Granted I say no and do the all gone sign and she moves on, but it still makes it hard. Jon gave me little comfort with the fact that she won’t remember her mother telling her no she can’t nurse…but I guess it’s better than her being old enough to remember. Feeding her once a day in the morning isn’t very inconvenient. I just lay in bed with her and let her eat while I try to rest my eyes. I suppose I figured it was just time to stop. I want my breast back. So that’s the story of my mammary glands. I’m hoping I can be a normal woman…rather than a cow (that’s for you Brien if you got through this) by next week. Then on our Nevada day Holiday I can organize my room and get rid of nursing things in my drawers and move them to boxes.
My next dilemma is when to stop my birth control. I have enough for this month. I want to wait until January or right before then to stop so then I would hopefully have a baby later in the year, say November or December if it takes us a few months before we get pregnant. Jon reminds me that I’m getting less fertile….I know you older women are laughing…I’m 23… Really I’m getting towards the declining stage…the late 20’s…I just have a few more years…but I’m not at my peak and men’s fertility start declining in their late 30’s..according to what I just read….Anyways I worry that if I wait too long then I’ll be having a baby in January or February. So I may stop the end of this month, or maybe November. I really worry about where we’ll put a baby, and I worry about having a boy and needing to buy all new clothes, and what to do with all the girl clothes. Mostly I worry about where to put a baby. I want a baby because that means we’ll get our second car ( I know it sounds selfish..but I really can’t wait until we get a second car..or really a minivan)…I just don’t know if I want the baby. Part of me feels that we’re suppose to have one soon or get pregnant sooner than I want…but that kinda saddens me because I feel that I’m fighting with what Heavenly Father might want for us. Really maybe I’m suppose to just put my trust in him and he won’t give us our next one for a while or at least before we’re ready. It’s hard for me to give him my trust because I like to be in control, or at lest have the illusion. We’ll see what he has in store.
October 10th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
To be fair, we have indeed fed Eden since Friday, just not breastfed. ๐
October 11th, 2006 at 1:10 pm
Lacey, you go girl! Getting your body back for yourself (and your designated other half) is sometimes a long process, and can be sad huh? But don’t worry, you’ll probably be sharing your body with a new little Blake baby soon enough. ๐ I know the conflict you’re feeling about having a new baby….and please know that I think your concerns are valid. I love the part of the gospel that tells us to consider the mother’s well-being when decidng on expanding your family. That does include mental well-being! ๐
On the other hand, Heavenly Father gives us the strength we need to take care of the responsibilites He gives us. I think that if you get off of your pill, that you will get pregnant at the time he has planned. But, from one control freak to another, letting go like that is hard! ๐ PS- we have TONS of boy clothes if you end up needing them! Luv ya!