Is It Naptime Yet

Jon told his parents Saturday that he is no longer participates in church and doesn’t have a testimony. He didn’t go as far has stating he doesn’t believe in Satan or God, but at least they know the basics and won’t be getting the information from some other source.
His mom has taken it really hard. We expected that. He is her little boy and the one she’s depended on for along time. She called me this afternoon and I can tell that she one, wants me to stay with Jon in hopes that I can help him come back and two in thought that if I do leave him he would then give up altogether. I don’t know if he mentioned his analogy of how when converts sometimes become members their families get upset and disown them. She related how she understands how sad it can be to have a deep faith in a religion and then to have your child say they don’t believe is heartbreaking. She’s going through a lot of heartache. They have two daughters that are not active members but they’ve been this way since their teen years. She’s just relied a lot on Jon and it hurts to see him go through this change.  I tried to say that even if it takes a long time for him to come back, if he ever does, it’s really on his own that it will happen. She blamed herself a little wondering if she leaned on him too much at times, like after his father’s heart attack. I tried to say that he was given a good foundation and it was him who made this decision. Maybe it will be for the better. Now I’m forced to be a stronger member and to gain a sure testimony. Where as before I was just going along. I still feel as though I am just going by. I wonder what I have to do in order to be sure of everything. I wonder about the work and dedication and if I have it. I wonder if it will be enough for my own children.
I worry about the phone calls. I hope to have strength to tell her to stop calling if it becomes to interfering or weighs me down. In some weighs I’ve tried to just move on and not dwell anymore, though we still have our problems. I worry that her worries will actually hurt our relationship. Worries about me staying, though she feels that I will, or worries about him and what she’ll do now that her rock as transformed and is something she does not completely know.
She a wonderful woman she just worries.
I am doing well. I’m actually craving another baby. I look at Eden and think how I was pregnant with her when Lilah was this age. I look at her and think how young she is and how  Lilah was still so young when I had her. I love my girls and I’m just getting a little baby hungry. I tell myself I’m not ready now to have that stress enter and that helps. I tell myself that if I’m careful Heavenly Father won’t give me a baby before I am ready. I hope that I’m ready for whatever happens.