Is It Naptime Yet

For our Mommy group/child’s class today we decided to go The Secret Gardens at The Mirage. Luckily all the kids are under the age of four so it was just $15 for each mom to get in. The girls loved it and loved the dolphins. Lilah didn’t care too much about the lions and leopards. Here’s our adventure.

Right after we got there the trainers came out and we were able to see the dolphins play and jump a little.

We then went to the below water observation and watched the dolphins.

Then back to the surface to watch the other dolphins.

I love these behind shots

We then saw the lions and lionesses. Along with alpacas.

Lilah, Eden, Katia, Isabell and alpacas in the background.

The white tigers.

Isabell and Eden were twins with their onsies.

Lilah, Eden, Britta. (Sam’s daughter whom I watch each week before dance.)

I just love the individual look of each girl.

The Leopards were our last stop before we went and watched the dolphins some more.

It was a great day, though windy and a little cold because of the wind. Luckily the wind did eventually die down and we enjoyed beautiful weather.

This week was super busy. I didn’t see my husband all too much, though we did manage to have two late nights this week. (one watching a movie another discussing.)
Monday was FHE. It was the one day I had no obligations. Thank goodness for family home evening.
Tuesday Lilah had dance. Britta was sick so I didn’t have to babysit. We went to dance and then I had a Healing Arts class for RS. At the class we discussed different massage techniques that we’ll learn this year and learned to use energy. Hard to explain unless you are familiar with Quantum Touch.
Wednesday my sister Kristi had a stamp party. I said I would go and got my friend Anna to go also. For some reason in public we start acting like sisters. Once home Jon and I watched Brazil, his pick. It was an interesting film dark, but funny, and really just a little strange.
Thursday I had a class for RS, but decided to stay home. I had planned on going, but I’d been so busy plus I hadn’t showered that day, so I stayed home and cuddled with Jon.
Friday I went to my parents house. My sister Carolyn was babysitting for her friend Julie. Nia is Julie’s new daughter and I hadn’t met her yet so I went up there to met her. Afterwards Carolyn and I went shopping at the mall. I needed a bridal shower gift for Saturday and shoes. Luckily I was able to get both and since it was closing time when we left I avoided Cinnabon. I was sad but happy that the temptation was taken from my lips and really never placed in my hands.
Saturday Jon was a SAHD. He made breakfast for the girls while I got ready for a bridal shower. Then off to the shower and I returned home after lunch time. I really wanted to take a nap and I kept returning to the bed, but once the girls were down for their naps I decided to get out the material for my bedroom drapes. I ironed and cut fabric. After messing with my drapes I got ready and went to my friends endowment session. So Jon was in charge of breakfast, lunch and dinner, plus he didn’t leave the house once on Saturday. 🙂
Sunday only I went to church. Eden is getting over her cough, Lilah started coughing on Wednesday and had a fever Friday, we figured it best to keep them both at home.

It was a crazy week. This week will be easier, but for some reason I still have a lot to do. Like curtains, filling, organizing.
I think I’ll try exercising. I’m doing okay just not very consistent right now in my workout routine.

I’m more sore today than I have been from working out.
Yesterday I was a woman on a mission. I needed to do some heavy cleaning. Really I wanted to clean because I have this one table in my living room that is cluttered. I didn’t get to it but I got a lot done in my kitchen. 🙂
I was getting a vase from a box in the hall closet that holds my rose petals and dried flowers that Jon’s gives me. Well the flowers are alive when I get them, I just dry them. I needed to put away my anniversary flowers and other ones I had hanging around from Andrea’s wedding, yes I realized it was a year ago, but I didn’t know where this vase was until recently. Anyways, I realized I had this vase and a flower decoration in one box in my hall closet. Talk about a wast of space! I decided to move the vase to above my kitchen cabinets and put the flower decoration thing in the DI pile which is now collecting on the already cluttered table in my living room. This isn’t the point though. (my cleaning is the point and yes you should be happy I cleaned.) I had this box of plastic wear on top of my fridge. Ya know plastic forks and cups along with some bowls. I moved these into a different box, because this one wouldn’t fit in my hall closet, I also collected all the other plastic cups, plates and forks in my cupboard and put them in my hall closet.
Wha-la! More space in my cupboard and now the top of my fridge is cleared! Having the box off my fridge I decided I should clean off the mounds of dust that had gathered this past year. I did that and opened the cupboards above my fridge and realized I had nothing in them!! Well this got me thinking, what could I put in these cupboards that I wouldn’t need. I checked my other cupboard and found nice glasses from our wedding that were saving for holiday use, ya know like china but we have no china, only these glasses. I also collected silverware that we don’t need just yet, the popcorn popper, some place mats that Jon won’t let me get rid of and our other regular vases. This freed up space in my other cupboard and I was able to organize it so my toaster is not on my counter anymore and our hot drinks are in one spot! (cocoa, teas, Ovaltine)
I rested, had lunch with the girls and decided to mop my kitchen. ( I had already done a major cleaning of my kitchen counters, I needed to mop the floors.) I was going to mop just my kitchen, but if you know me I also hate mopping just one area. I then mopped my bathrooms and hall. Eden woke up and became grumpy sometime while I was mopping in front of the computer. Lilah went down for her nap and Eden got up. I had her watching a movie so I could mop the worst area. The dinning room.
I enjoyed having clean floors until I returned home last night to find out that Lilah had tried to help Eden eat her dinner, but instead the bowl of white shells and cheese dropped on the floor. Oh well. That’s what I use baby wipes for; besides my baby, I use them to clean small messes on the floor.

Today my jaw aches. I must have been clenching it while I cleaned. I noticed yesterday evening it was tired. My shoulders, arms and legs ache.
I should mention I not only mopped but used a sponge on my kitchen floor for the hard spots. After I mop I take a rag and wet it and clean small areas with it to get extra dirt and cleaner off the floors. So I mop then wipe with the rag, rinse wipe etc. Very back intensive and leg intensive since I was squatting when I cleaned with the rag. This is why I don’t mop often. It becomes a huge half day event and I get achy. (I can’t mop just one area, then the dirtiness from the other areas will get my clean floor dirty.)
Anyways I justify missing my workout for all the soreness I have. Being on your feet for 6 hours should count as a 40 minute aerobic workout, right?

If you read all this I commend you. This is mostly me being happy about all I did, even though it was just a little organizing and a lot of mopping.

Ya want to know what I’ve accomplished today?  Breakfast, this blog and watching Dumbo. I have dishes to do, but I’ve been cuddling with coughing sick girls. Really I needed the cuddles more than them. 🙂

Now I love my mom, but this post is just an observation of things she does and the fact is I do some of them already to a degree.

I’m the youngest of six kids. At one point we even had a dog. When my mom would get mad at us she would spout off all six names and some times even the dog’s name. They wouldn’t be in any specific order. In fact had they been in order she would have been able to get to the older kids names faster, but for whatever reason she would still go through half to all our names every time. We’d say something smart and then it would be Scott, Carolyn, Glenn, Kristi, Andrea, Peggy..LACEY. We always teased her about it afterwards, in which she’d remember our name and get it the first time at that point, but even then not always if it was more that one of us teasing her about it.
I see myself doing the same thing with my two kids, only I don’t call off both names. I get it wrong and then I say, “whatever child you are…..” My husband doesn’t like this approach. He says I know which child I’m talking to and I should call her by name, even if I get it wrong the first time and am frustrated. Maybe when I get mad at him and can’t decide whether to call him, Daddy, Jon or Jonathan, I should call him “whatever husband you are.” That’ll get my neighbors thinking, especially if they know we’re Mormon.

Now that I’m an adult my mom and I have different conversations. I always find it funny talking to my mom about what she taught us kids. I know she taught us a lot, but I think she forgets that there is a vast age difference between us kids, so what she taught one teenager may not have sunk into her 5 or 7 year old. She tells me about things that she taught us kids when we were young, or teenagers. Like she says she talked to us about sex. So I’m 6 years younger than my eldest sister. If she talked to Andrea about sex when she was 11 or 12, I was 5 or 6. I don’t really remember those conversations. Or my mom tells me how she tried to teach an older child how to do something, like sewing. They didn’t want to learn how to sew and the next child didn’t want to learn and the next child didn’t want to learn so by the time she got to me she was tired of trying to teach, so I never learned anything. She figured all the other ones were so stubborn so why try with the last one or two.

I wonder if I’ll be that way with my kids. In some ways I see it already. With Lilah we were very careful to make sure she always used her spoon, with Eden not so much. We’re happy if she just tries to use it. So I get some mornings where applesauce has been eaten by both hands instead of a spoon and is all over the high chair. Or teaching Lilah to clean up. She was the only one who made the mess so we always made sure she cleaned at least half when she was Eden’s age, or 20 months. Now I’m just happy to get Eden to pick up one or two thing some nights. I find myself cleaning after them more because it’s easier then getting them to clean it up themselves.
The weariness of teaching begins.

We’ve been having lots of fun at the Blake house.
I love watching my girls grow up and I can’t believe how fast they grow.
Things Eden’s doing: Well she copies Lilah in all that she does and she loves her sister. Morning noon and night it’s always Yiyah, Yiyah? If Eden wakes up before Lilah she always points to her sister and says her name. (She says Yiyah much more than she says dada or mama.) I also have to shut the door to their room if Lilah is still sleeping because I’ve found Eden sitting on Lilah’s bed next to her a many a time while her sister sleeps.
Eden’s following her parents example too. We don’t teach them much but we let them know that you smash boxes before you put them in the trash. Luckily this box was empty.

Lilah is getting more independent. We let her rub sunscreen on her and she got it all in one spot. She tried though.

It was a beautiful Saturday on March 10th so Jon suggested running in the sprinkler. I wasn’t too happy about it. I wanted to relax and not worry about them getting muddy or grassy. Oh well. It was fun for them.

I was at target the other night and I saw these shirts that said “everybody loves a blue eyed girl” They also have it for brown eyes, but no green! (not that I could wear a toddler size 6.)

I got one for each girl and they wore them yesterday to their classes at the church.
I put three pigtails on each girl. I loved doing this to Lilah when she was Eden’s age. Now that the mullet is cut I can do it!

I love this one because Lilah is posing a smile.

So much cuter in person.

(I want to tell why Lilah’s arm is in such a strange position. Eden kept walking towards me because she likes to look at the camera so Lilah was putting her arm in front of her so she would stay put. So when I asked Lilah to move it her arm went into this strange position. I just think it’s funny how she mothers her little sister. )

We also had a picnic after we picked Jon up at work yesterday. Well, we had it at his work since UNLV has such beautiful grassy areas.
We then went to a park afterwards that is on our way home. I wish I had brought the camera. Eden was hilarious! It was the first time she’d been on a swing and she had a ball. She had a concerned look on her face, yet she was smiling. She kept saying “whoa, whoa”, it was adorable.
I know I’m a terrible mom. Neither of my girls rode swings until they were at least 18 months or so. Not because I didn’t want them to but because we don’t go to parks often.
It was tons of fun and we may do the same thing next week when we pick up Jon.

In truth we’ve gotten up at the same time this week, it just happens to be 9:00am DST and 8:00am standard. This isn’t too good because church starts at 9:00 am. 🙁
Jon’s doing his own boycott of DST. So in some ways I will be constantly reminded, or at least on some weekly bases know that it is only 8:00 not 9:00 and so forth. It makes saying goodbye to him harder in the morning because 6:30 am is just not my hour.
I really don’t like this DST thing except my late night shows come on sooner, which is good if they are on at 10 or later, but bad if they’re on at 9 because the girls are still up.
With DST time I mostly feel like a slacker because I get up “later”.
I just remembered I have to take Jon to work tomorrow so Lilah can go to her class. UGH!! 6:30 or I mean 7:30am really bits. I don’t have to be there tomorrow so maybe I won’t take her and I’ll just let us adjust to the change.This is really going to bite. At least we’ll all get good naps if I decide to go. I don’t want to wake up.

It was a regular night. The kids were in bed and we were settled on the couch. The TV was turned on to a show that we were only halfway interested in. I worked on a study sheet for my Journalism class. I had a test coming up in about ten days.
Jon turned to me at some point and asked “When does your birth control run out?”
“I have enough till the end of the week.”
He then nonchalantly asked “Can you go on it for another month?”
I thought this is strange. Just a few months earlier he had wanted me to quit so we could have our next child about two years after we had Eden, but I wasn’t ready for a third so I continued birth control and figured I would stop December or January.
I asked “Why do you want me to be on birth control? I thought you wanted to have another baby?”
He just replied “No reason. I just thought you might want to be on birth control longer.”
I knew their was a reason so I continued to prod him and ask him why.
Jon: “I don’t want to burden you now. Lets wait until finals are over then I’ll tell you.”
At this time finals were just over a week away.
Me: “I’m gonna go crazy if you don’t tell me. Now you have me interested and I must know what you’re talking about.”
After a little more coercion he gave in. He asked me to go to the bedroom so he could prepare something. I agreed and I took my study sheet and book with me.
I’m not sure how long it took him to compose the paper he wrote. He mostly was cutting and pasting material he had already written. I was actually able to distract myself and study while he did this.

I heard his fingers on the key board and I wondered what was up. He came to check on me a couple of times. I asked him what it was about. I tried to guess and I listed off several scenarios. I don’t remember what they were but my last one was, “You’re leaving the church.” He was already leaving the room and his reply was just “You ask to many questions.” The moment I said ‘you’re leaving the church’ I had a gut instinct and I knew that guess was correct.

I already knew that some of Jon’s idea’s on how to cope with sin and guilt were different from the churches. I already knew that he looked at the Mormon religion differently than others. I already knew that he believed if the Mormon church wasn’t true none others were.

He came in shortly after this. I believe the paper was just printing when in came in the last time so he just closed up what he had and brought it into me. It was short, just five pages. It’s title was ‘Reverse Conversion’. As I read it my hopes slipped form me. My foundation shook and broke to where I hardly had anything left to stand on. I cried as I read his words. I felt deserted. So much of what he had written coincided with my own doubts. I felt no one was there when I prayed. I felt that I gained little understanding from the scriptures.

As I read I felt that the one person I could look to for guidance was deserting me. That all his knowledge was false and that he didn’t believe as I did. It hurt to see someone I thought I could look to fall away. It hurt that I could understand and see why he didn’t believe. It worried me that I might become a nonbeliever.

The church gives me hope and I didn’t want to lose that hope. The thought of losing my family hurt me physically. I cried when I cuddled with Lilah at her nap times. I felt the sorrow deep within my body. The thought that I might stop believing knotted my stomach. I took that as a sign that it was true.Maybe I did just want to believe because I found it glorious, but I wanted to believe because to lose that meant darkness for me.

I cried until early that morning and we talked. Jon stayed home the next day and we talked or didn’t talk all day. I contemplated leaving him. If he couldn’t give me the eternal family I wanted then I would find someone who would. But what guarantee would I have that this wouldn’t happen again? What real knowledge in the gospel did I have that I knew this is what I wanted for the rest of my life? That I should split my family up over it? I wished I didn’t have children. That if life could be more simple so as to make this decision easier. I felt alone. I felt my prayers were in vain. I forgot my faith.

Time went on. I finished school and eventually I told my eldest sister, Andrea. I cried and I was barely audible at times as I spoke to her on the phone. It had been two weeks at least and I thought I had gotten past the shock. We were suppose to wait to tell people. We wanted to figure out and see if Jon received any revelation that there was a God.
As time past it seemed forever. A month was an eternity. I felt that we were lying and that we should just come out and tell someone. (More than just my sister who was in Ely.) At tithing settlement when the bishop asked if their was anything we needed to discuss we both shook our heads and said everything was fine. I felt torn up inside. Jon said that he’d felt that way for a long time and just telling me helped him.

Rather than wait and test out a few months we decided to just come out in January. Jon had been asked to help with a blessing and he felt nothing while doing it. He just tried to say the words he thought the woman needed to hear. That occurrence made him want to be free of the lie that he was living as a believer.

I suppose my faith was not strong enough to say, “lets give it four more months. Heavenly Father will show you what you want if we are both earnestly trying.”
He had already tried and been trying. He had been praying and reading the scriptures but felt nothing. What could I do to change that? Some might say I should have vigorously turned to the scriptures and gone to the temple and prayed. In some ways I felt that my husband had tried hard and long enough and it would only be in time, a long time, that he would come back, if ever.

My faith had been lost. I felt alone and I felt “Why would God not give my husband an answer if he was trying so hard?” I decided that it wasn’t up to me to help my husband’s faith. It was up to me to help my own. He had made the decision of not believing. In some ways I wanted to stop also. In some ways I fear. I fear that I will come to the same conclusion as Jon. I fear that I will gain a stronger faith and know that he is lost from me.

If you’ve read my blog in past months or the past year, you know that I sometimes have a hard time with Lilah. We just don’t always get along and I get annoyed, frustrated and mostly overbearing towards her.
Well I’ve been working on it but there are still times that really frustrate me.
Jon doesn’t see her crying as her trying to manipulate and get her own way, he’s able to brush it off and ignore it.
I don’t do so well. I like to stop the manipulative crying and it bothers me to let her cry it out when it is her just trying to get her way, even though we’ve explained things to her.
Luckily we’ve had fewer moments where this has happened. For the most part Lilah and I’ve gotten along well enough or I’ve been able to keep her form crying when she just wants her way so we avoid the frustrating scene. I think I’m being more clear in the rules and I think she’s understanding that I demand more respect from her and I’m trying to give her more.

We went through a period where she would always say no or back talk a little. It didn’t bother me that much but then I decided it was enough because it usually lead to a fight of some sort between us or a battle of wills. So I started putting her in timeout the first time she was rude to me rather then the third of fourth time or ignoring it. It was tough and I’m still not following through incredibly but after two days of going into timeout several times she got the just and we’re doing much better. With trying to get Lilah to show respect for me and not be rude I’m also trying to show her more respect. I try to compromise and give her plenty of warning for different things or changing of task, like turning off a movie in the middle to eat lunch or take a nap.

Second change: I’m being more firm on having Lilah think about what she says and using her first response.  (She use to flip flop and the warning of timeout would get her to do what she needed to do. I sometimes would not put her in timeout when she changed her mind, even after I said it was time for time out. Though it didn’t happen often.)
It’s just hard. I’m trying to teach her to respect her choices and understand them. I’m also trying to get her to understand me and that I respect her as long as she follows the rules and listens.
With crying I don’t mind if it for a valid reason like falling down, but I’m not good at letting her cry it out like Jon does. Like she cries if she doesn’t get enough kisses before bed time. That bothers me. We let her cry it out yesterday at nap time because of it. I actually went in and got Eden out of the room so she wouldn’t have to listen to it.
I give her the option that if she’s going to cry she can go to her room or not cry and stay out. Jon doesn’t like this option because it banishes her, but it’s the only way I can deal with her if she’s crying to get her way.

Eden’s crying more now for every disappointment or time I say no. She also says no a lot. I see my new battle arises with her.
It’s hard.

Jon even sees that Lilah and my relationship is a little better.My relationship is better with Lilah. There are still times, but it’s not everyday that I get frustrated with her. I also try to let it go if I get frustrated, which can be hard for me. I feel better about it and I feel that it is working more often than not. I still have control issues, but hey you can’t be perfect all at once.

I’m happy that we’re working together and that it is working more often. I’m trying to give her more independence, like helping with lunch and making decisions about how we should spend our time.  I am giving her a lot more attention, which is hard and easy at  the same time. Since I get along with her more I have more fun playing with her and I think she with me.
I’m starting to like my daughter more now, not just love her because I have too, which makes me happier too.
I hope we can continue to get better at our relationship. I hope I can apply the things I’ve learned with Lilah to Eden.

We were in the backyard on Wednesday. Our neighbors directly behind us have a ladder propped up on the back wall. It doesn’t make me especially comfortable but I didn’t care until Wednesday. I was sitting on the grass and looked over and saw a little head peeking over. It was, I’m guessing, the young daughter to that neighbor. This didn’t bother me. What bothered me it when she tossed over a small batter powered, used, sucker fan thing. She’s young I’m sure it was just to be friendly, right? Then she decided to toss over  a bracelet and play pearl necklace. I then said please stop tossing things over or I will tell your mother. It stopped. I was mostly worried about heavy things hitting my girls. The battery sucker fan thing had a plastic stick that poked from it and had it landed on a head I’m sure stitches would have been needed or brain damage had it landed right on Eden’s soft spot. (Yes the possibilities are slim but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen.)

The other incident. Our neighbors next to us have two young girls, about 4 and 2. Yesterday they decided it would be fun to throw rocks into our driveway. They’re not rocks, but the basalt yard rocks that crumble if you drive over them or if you’re heavy enough stepping on them will cause them to crumble also. (Geology class paid off!!) When we got home yesterday I asked the neighbor girl if she threw the rocks. She said yes and I asked her to not throw them because they could hurt our car. I don’t know how much she understood in my statement because they speak Spanish as their main language at home.

If you can see “throw things at me” on my house please tell me. But it might only be read by little children or I suppose heard by them.

Well I’m trying to get serious about working out. Well exercising. I don’t have a gym membership for a few reasons: one it costs money; two I don’t think there is one within 20 minutes of me that I would like to go to anytime at night or early morning when it’s still dark; three I’d have to go in the evening when Jon got home or before he goes to work (I’ve mentioned how I don’t get up until he leaves at 7:30 right?); fourth even if I had a car Jon doesn’t trust gym daycare, so I’d have to do a trade or wait until he got home anyways.
The last reason is I’ve never been to a gym so I’m afraid I’d look like a complete idiot trying to work certain equipment and also I’ve heard gross things about the germs and bacteria on gym equipment.

My solution Winsor Pilates. I have an aerobic workout and a toning one that I plan on alternating each day, where as before it was do one or both of them once a week. I also have other videos once I get good/bored of these.
I’ve worked out each day of the week, or three days thus far. I plan on doing my ab workout tonight. It just works out better for me to do the toning at night on days that I do it, and the aerobic during the day on those days.
I’m changing my diet a little. I think it has helped, though I’m not sure. The one reason I’m becoming diligent is I gained like 5 pounds last Sunday. I think the trip up to Utah caught up with me and it all went to my gut, butt and thighs, especially my gut. My pants are getting very uncomfortable and I fell so self conscious in them because they’re so tight. For this reason I want to really lose weight and why I’ve been motivated to workout three times this week alone.

So here are things I’m hoping will help:
Drink more water or at least a glass at each meal. (In the end it will be about 6 cups a day.)
Have a smaller breakfast and a snack in the mid morning. (I like a big bowl of cereal at breakfast and I don’t eat until lunch.)
Eat eggs regularly to help with protein intake. ( I like them with toast at lunch, this way I last longer. I get so light headed at 3pm or right at the time I’m finally able to work out when I eat a light lunch without eggs. if I have my afternoon snack before I workout I then cramp during the aerobic and have a need to stop anyways. I honestly wonder if I have a blood sugar problem.)
Eat less sweets and chocolate. (I’m doing well on this. We still have some of the chocolates in the cupboard from valentine’s and the girls have helped me eat most of them, though I’ll be glade when they’re finally gone. I did just buy some girl scout cookies on Saturday though.They’re for a good cause at least.)
Don’t eat after 7-7:30 pm. (This is a hard one. I get hungry at 9 and have a snack. This was explainable when I was breast feeding but now it’s just habit.)

I already feel better after trying this week to not eat at night. It may just be placebo though. I’m just trying to regulate and do better. I want to eat in a way that I can continue it the rest of my life, or for a very long time anyways. I just want to build good habits. I know there are faster ways to lose weight, but I don’t mind if it takes a while. I really just want to be healthy and happy to know that I’m taking care of myself and I hope that I lose weight along the way. I do want to lose some weight quickly, like the 5 pounds I just gained, but we’ll see.
I know the Wendy’s I had for lunch is not going to help the process. Maybe I should do the aerobic and ab workout today……