Is It Naptime Yet

A while back Jon brought my attention to a blog post by a woman from a part member family. The last point was to not feel sorry for her her life, since she is not married to a member of the church.

Lately I feel like I’ve been pitied, but not in the ‘ah I feel so bad way’, but in ‘you are so strong in your faith way’. I know it might sound ungrateful, but some of the comments I’ve received I feel are derived from the fact that Jon is not an active member of the church. If I was married to an active temple worthy member, going to the temple by myself would be no big deal, but since I have a husband who is not an active member, I’m seen as a pillar of strength and faith.

I guess it comes from wanting to be a normal member of the church and I don’t want to be seen as different. I know there are times where I do want that attention or to be given special consideration, but overall I am the same as everyone else, it’s my husband who is different.

I sometimes forget my that my husband is not like other priesthood holding members of the church. When teaching a lesson and the subject of eternal marriage came up, I was more concerned about my sister and how she felt, than myself, even though we’re in similar boats, only she chose to marry outside the church and I did not, and she is not active in the church, and I am. Being an active, temple worthy member, I still feel that I am entitled to the same blessings as every temple worthy couple. I still feel support from Jon to allow me to practice my faith, though it is very different than him participating in my faith with me.

I guess I don’t see myself as so different than others within the church.

Sometimes I appreciate the words of comfort telling me I’m strong in my faith and that particular person admires me for what I’m doing. Mostly I feel that a person pities the situation I’m in and is glad they’re not me. I don’t want pity. I just want to be seen as the same.

This thought came up because I was asked to give a talk in church for this coming Sunday. It’s about eternal marriage-my part. The bishopric member who asked me to give the talk because he felt that I could give inspiration to others that are not married, widows, or in a part member family. He also expressed that I seem to be strong in my faith etc. I expressed my concern that not a lot of people know my situation, so I’m wondering how I can help those he wants me to when they might still see me as married to a worthy priesthood holder. He said I wasn’t needing to explain my situation necessarily but just focus on how an individual is responsible for themselves in the eternal realm, since we only have agency over ourselves.

I’m not sure how I’m going to approach the topic. I’m speaking as the opening speaker to a high councilman so I don’t have to take up a huge amount of time and I was only asked today, in which I have 7 table runners to finish by Wednesday and then a lesson to prepare for class this Sunday. I work well under pressure. In fact I’m sure even if I had two weeks to work on the talk and no table runners to make I would only get to it the week before and really start writing a few days ahead. In this case I just have two things to worry about, with teaching the lesson, but I’ve given talks on days I’ve had to give lessons before.

I’m just not sure how I’m going to connect to those he wants me to connect with without telling my plight, though I fear getting overly emotional and the focus being on my “sad” circumstances rather than inspiring others to focus how to be a good member of the church and how to work on being an member of an eternal family when you’re not sealed to another person.

I’m just not sure what to do.