Is It Naptime Yet

Not to long ago I had to have some blood tests run and the woman commented on how I was the first person in about a month and a half who had filled out the whole form. Then yesterday I got the bill to that visit like the full, never been sent to my insurance, bill.

What is up with that?

I did the hand work, then I needed to go online and fill out what they should have done.

Stupid billing.

To see the bill just reminded me how much life costs. It was $390 to find out I don’t have any thyroid problems or diabetes because of some chronic thing that has been going on for the past two years, which I won’t state directly because that would cross the line of TMI.

Anyways, I’m healthy and normal, despite a chronic problem, and will be paying  lots of bills to prove that I’m healthy and normal, and they will be on top of all the bills that showed Lilah was OK, even after sticking a plastic thing up her nose.

Life is expensive and I don’t mind if it’s expensive, as long as I have an illness to show or a plastic thing coming out the nose it was put in.

I really am grateful for my health, I’m just not grateful for the costs it takes to make sure I’m healthy.

Have you had any crazy health bills to pay for lately, or mishapes with insurances?

It once took me 13 months and a doctor’s note for a $1,300 bill to be paid by my insurance. That one was not fun.

Today was a busy day for me in terms of church. I spoke in Sacrament meeting, and then taught a lesson during the next one hour block. One of the girls in my class, I say girls but she’s really around 19 or 20, jokingly asked if I was also teaching Relief Society, which is the final class for adult women in our three hour block. Then we had a good chuckle because the lesson was about the Second Coming and Millennium and that was the lesson I gave in Gospel Essentials, of course slightly different since they’re from different manuals.

My talk went well, I decided to share that my husband’s beliefs had lead him away from the church. I just felt that is was necessary to share that bit of information with the message I was trying to convey. As my friend Nancy said, I said just enough that could be public, without going into unnecessary private details. She also complemented me on the fact that I don’t wear my situation on my shoulder and allow it to shape or change me. Most did not know my circumstance.

I got many positive responses after my talk. One woman shared with me that she was in the exact same boat I am, and it had only been in the past five years of their marriage that her husband had returned to church. She also mentioned on the strength of my marriage to have my husband there today supporting me even though I was outing him, per say, and the difficulty of sharing what I did because so often those in my circumstance are just quiet.  A friend of mine said she wished she could have heard my talk as a teenager because she had a lot of anger since her parents were not  sealed together. Most just complemented me on my talk and said how strong I was or wonderful. I appreciated these thoughts because I felt naked, putting myself and family out there for others to know and judge.  One woman said she’d like to take Jon over her knee. She had once complemented Jon on what a wonderful father he was and that she’d watch him with our girls. She made a comment today in such a way that it seemed like she wouldn’t have told him he was a good father if she had known his beliefs, and that makes me sad because I don’t think having the priesthood makes you a wonderful father, it might add to it, but it’s not all you need to be a good father. Jon mentioned she might feel duped and didn’t feel offended by her comment.

A part of me is happy to have my situation out there. In a way I felt like I had to hide it or make it hush, hush, but in reality this is my life and I don’t wish to wear it on my shoulder, but I wish for people to know that it is possible to have a happy marriage,even in what are imperfect circumstances. I want to be an example to more than the few auxiliary leaders that knew about what was going on, I want to help others and connect to them in deeper ways. I want to weed out people who will just judge me and my family and allow true friendships to flourish.

One woman in my ward called and asked for a copy of my talk so she could reread it and send it to her children. She’s a convert to the church and her husband never converted before he died and she felt inspired and touched by what I said.

Also when the counselor who asked me to give my talk told his wife, who happens to be the  Relief Society president in our ward, that he had asked me to give a talk on Eternal Families, she mentioned that it was kinda cruel, or not nice to asked me, but he said I vindicated him.

This is the talk I gave. I learned a lot while I was writing it and I am happy that it helped so many, but more importantly that it helped me.
I hope I haven’t hyped it up too much. I was emotional during parts, so I’m sure that added to the spirit there, but I hope what I have to say is still helpful to all who take the time to read it.

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If I were to do a word association game and ask you to tell me the first word that pops into your head when I say the words Eternal Family, and you, the congregation, could respond I know there would be a number of of answers. Since you can’t respond I’d like to tell you some things I imagine might be said by members of this congregation.

Some might be: Temple, temple marriage, sealing, family, love, hope, joy, happiness, eternity.

Other answers might be: never or not for me.

Now I’ve listed two kinds of answers. Most of us would answer positively or give the normal by the book answers, but some of us might possibly think we are never going to have an eternal family, or that an eternal family isn’t for us because of our circumstances.

Eternal families are something offered to couples who have been married, or sealed, in the temple to their spouse, but it is not limited to just those who fit in the equation of how to more likely achieve an eternal family. The equation for an eternal family being, one worthy man sealed to one worthy woman, in the temple for time and eternity, and keeping those covenants throughout their mortal live. The last part, or keeping our covenants is the most important part of the equation.

Our church is made up of very many people and thus we have many people in many diverse circumstances and they may, or may not, fit into that ideal Eternal Family equation.

Some of us are single, which encompasses young singles, middle aged singles, older singles, divorced singles and widowed. Some of us are married, which include those who have been married in the temple and those who have not been able to go to the temple for various reasons. Some reasons possibly being we are converts and our spouses did not convert, or we just simply did not marry in the temple and we may or may not be preparing for being sealed to our spouse.

Some of us appear to be apart of the perfect equation, but worry about being able to achieve an eternal family because our own faith has wavered or our spouses faith has wavered or changed to such a degree that they are no longer keeping their covenants and we may not be with our family into the eternities. I fall into the last category, by way of a spouse who has changed his beliefs.

One thing I have learned and have a testimony of is that even through all this diversity and the appearance of not fitting perfectly into the Eternal Family equation, we are all promised blessings of an eternal family if we stay faithful and worthy.

Those of us in less than perfect circumstances don’t desire to be singled out or have sorrow or pity felt towards us, for we all are imperfect. What we desire is love and hope.

Elder M. Russel Ballard once said:

A family can live with Him only after a man and a woman are sealed in marriage for eternity by the power of the holy priesthood. We acknowledge that many in the Church desire this great blessing but see little evidence of its fulfillment in this life. Nevertheless, the promise of exaltation remains an attainable goal for each one of us. The prophets have stated clearly that no blessing will be withheld from any of God’s sons and daughters if they love Him, have faith in Him, keep His commandments, and endure faithfully to the end.

Equality through Diversity Elder M. Russell Ballard, “Equality through Diversity,” Ensign, Nov. 1993

President Howard W. Hunter said:

This is the church of Jesus Christ, not the church of marrieds or singles or any other group or individual. The gospel we preach is the gospel of Jesus Christ, which encompasses all the saving ordinances and covenants necessary to save and exalt every individual who is willing to accept Christ and keep the commandments that he and our Father in Heaven have given.

Each commandment given is for our benefit and happiness. To love and serve God and to love and serve his Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, should be our goal. Our focus of affection should be on these two holy Beings, and we should worship them with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. We should be engaged in assisting them in their divine purposes of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. (See Moses 1:39.)

….

May I hasten to add that no blessing, including that of eternal marriage and an eternal family, will be denied to any worthy individual. While it may take somewhat longer—perhaps even beyond this mortal life for some to achieve this blessing, it will not be denied. The Church Is for All People Howard W. Hunter, “The Church Is for All People,” Tambuli, Aug. 1990

So the apostles and prophets have stated that the blessings of eternal marriage, or family, will not be denied to any worthy individual.

I know many of us already knew that the blessings of eternal families will not be denied to us if we are worthy despite our imperfect circumstances. Even so it may seem hard for those who do not fit into the perfect equation for eternal families to have hope, but I dare say that it is up to all of us, whether we fit into the perfect equation or not, to individually prepare to be apart of our own eternal family.

President Hunter he also stated:

The atonement that Christ wrought was in behalf of every individual. However, each must work out his or her own salvation, for we are not saved collectively. While it is true that worthy couples will obtain exaltation in the celestial kingdom, each man and each woman sealed in an eternal relationship must be individually worthy of that blessing.

An eternal marriage will be composed of a worthy man and a worthy woman, both of whom have been individually baptized with water and with the Spirit; who have individually gone to the temple to receive their own endowments; who have individually pledged their fidelity to God and to their partner in the marriage covenant; and who have individually kept their covenants, doing all that God expected of them. The Church Is for All People Howard W. Hunter, “The Church Is for All People,” Tambuli, Aug. 1990

So we individually need to be committing ourselves to to Lord. We personally need to be applying the atonement and keeping the commandments. I want to emphasize once more what President Hunter said: The worthiness of one’s friends or family will not save him or her. There must be an individual effort.

We only have agency over ourselves, so it is only fair that we are judged individually on our worthiness in obtaining an Eternal Family.

So whether or not we fit into the perfect equation of eternal marriage and family doesn’t matter, we are all individually responsible for saving ourselves, and as parents we are responsible for teaching our young children.

But I’m going to be focusing on what, as an individual, is my part in my Eternal family.

First off, I am responsible for obeying the commandments of God.

When I think of obeying the commandments I think if all the things I need to be doing daily.

Praying to the Lord, seeking the scriptures, paying my tithes, living as purely as possible are all things I think of as living the commandments of our Heavenly Father.

Since I do have children, teaching my children the gospel of Christ also falls into obeying the commandments and things I need to be doing daily.

I know that I cannot save my family through my faith alone and thus want to teach my children so they can choose the gospel and save themselves. I also know, being from a family where not every sibling actively believes in the doctrines of the church, and having a husband who does not believe, that all I can do is be an example to my family, friends, and love ones and most importantly love them. I know the heartache of seeing someone you love depart or distance themselves from the church, but I also know that they have their own agency and all I can do is teach and be an example to them in hopes that they return and can be apart of my eternal family. Being an example and showing love are the best ways to teach or share the Gospel of Christ with a person.

Making and keeping individual covenants with the Lord is another way I try to become worthy for an eternal family.

President Howard W. Hunter noted:

“I have always been impressed that the Lord deals with us personally, individually. We do many things in groups in the Church, … but … the most important things are done individually. We bless babies one at a time, even if they are twins or triplets. We baptize and confirm children one at a time. We take the sacrament, are ordained to the priesthood, or move through the ordinances of the temple as individuals—as one person developing a [personal] relationship with our Father in Heaven. … Heaven’s emphasis is on each individual, on every single person” (“Eternal Investments,” address to CES religious educators, 10 Feb. 1989, p. 4; emphasis added)

As young as eight, people are baptized into the church and receive the holy ghost. Baptism is the first covenant we make as an individual with the Lord. We then renew that covenant with the Lord each sabbath day by worthily partaking of the sacrament.

As we get older and grow within the gospel we go to the temple and individually make covenants with the Lord when we take out our endowments. Ideally, we then return to the temple to hear those covenants as we make them vicariously for those who have passed on.

For our families encompass more than just our spouse and children. Last week in a Relief Society discussion we were asked what tools we would want for those difficult times or when we are in the midst of spiritual storms and one of the sisters replied her mom. Our Eternal family encompasses our siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and all we are connected with.

Returning to the temple for endowment sessions helps me prepare for my Eternal family and gives those who have passed on a chance to be with their family eternally.

The last or the highest covenant called the new and everlasting covenant of celestial marriage is also made within the walls of the temple and between the Lord and an individual. When we are sealed in the temple of the Lord, we make covenants with the Lord, not with our spouse. As mortals we are imperfect and thus why we make the sealing covenant with the Lord, a perfect heavenly being, and not with our spouse, an imperfect mortal.

I had an institute teacher explain this relationship once as a triangle.

The Lord is at the top angle, while each spouse is at the bottom. The Lord brings us closer together and binds us together as we each, individually, come closer to the Lord and keep those covenants.

We are to try our very best to be prepared to make the new and everlasting covenant in this life, but if we are not given the opportunity the prophets have promised it in the life to come.

One of the most important elements of preparing myself for an eternal family is the Atonement of Christ, for without the atonement we would not be able to make and keep covenants with the Lord and would not be worthy to be in the presence of the Lord or our Eternal family.

We would not be able to repent of our sins and mishaps and we would be damned without the atonement.

The atonement is here for us to make use of everyday and is for everyone. The Atonement allows us to worthily renew our baptismal covenants to be cleansed once again to enter the presence of the Lord.

While I was preparing for this talk I found a scripture that sums up much of what I’ve been trying to say.

It’s found in 2 Nephi 10: 23-25

23 Therefore, cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves—to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.

I know that all of us can become worthy for an eternal family, no matter our circumstances, I know each of us can and should have the same goal of obtaining an eternal family and some of the ways of ensuring life with our families in the eternities are through obedience to the commandments, making and keeping covenants with the Lord, and exercising the Atonement in our daily lives.

Saturday there was a local book festival downtown which I took the girls to. It was sponsored by Target, in which they had free, 100% beef hot dogs, chips, water and snow cones. Had I know about the free food I wouldn’t have fed the girls right before we left, but I still enjoyed a hot dog later in the afternoon while the girls munched on chips. They girls also had snow cones, while I took bites of what they had.

There were different booths featuring local authors selling their books. Booths which gave away free books, the girls got around 3-4 books each, and things to do like crafts and coloring.

I took the girls to get out of the house while Jon studied, something I’m always doing on the weekends lately. Then I went to a temple session for my friend Amy and her fiancee, who were getting their endowments taken out.

Sunday was the same ole’ thing.

Monday is a blur, as is Friday and why I started on Saturday this post.

Tuesday Jon was home and he went on his date with Lilah that morning. Lilah won my friend Anna’s gift card so she went and spent it on  gel paint, around 13  paint brushes, a pack of ten and a pack of three, and a little lion cub figurine for Eden, though that was particularly small and I fear may already be lost.

Also yesterday, the girls had a little song practice for the Christmas program for our ward dinner. They’re singing Jingle Bells, which Lilah said she didn’t know very well  because she doesn’t hear it very often, and Eden just sat there and did not participate at all. I think I’m going to disappear after I drop them off in hopes that Eden will actually participate. She was very talkative before the other 2 kids got there, but once she learned they would be singing and doing stuff she immediately stopped being outgoing and just sat there.

I’ve been sewing like a mad woman to finish the table runners, which were finished this afternoon. Now I just need to iron them one last time and call the parents to let them know they’re finished, since the bride and groom are already in Salt Lake.  Thursday I’m vegetating, preparing my lesson, and working on my talk. Friday I hope to do some major house work, which has been greatly neglected with all I’ve had to do lately.

One new stress in my life is a journal that Lilah and I do each day. She was doing it with Beth at the class and Beth asked if she was ready to take it home this past Thursday. Lilah replied yes, so we did and I immediately dropped the ball and forgot to have Lilah do it on Friday. (She draws a picture and then writes one to two sentences about the picture, where I might sound a word out, but I don’t tell her how to write it. It’s to show true progress on her writing and spelling.) Anyways, Monday rolls around and I ask her what she wants to write about and she immediately starts whining a little. We get through it, but she had been very crazy and unfocused, so we had a discussion about politeness and school time.

I admit I only do real sit down school activities with her around 2-3 times a week, so she’s not use to doing it each day. We read and do a little math, spelling, and what not. The journal is helping me to find time each day to do at least the journal and one to three more activities. She knows a lot and I want school to be a mixture of learn what you want when you want it, and sit down stuff that we do together.  Anyways, the second day she whined and when I mentioned it to Beth this morning she suggested that maybe it should be a just at her house thing, so when Lilah whined again today, I asked her if we should only do it at Beth’s house and she jumped right up to say no, she’d do it at home. (I should note today it was later and during her PBS time, but she’d already watched her fair share this morning while I sewed.)

She’s not liking school everyday, or at least doing the journal everyday, but since she’s not liking it, it shows me that I need to do school time more often and work with her more, but her attitude and my easily frustrated self make it a little difficult. Patience is one thing I’m short of lately, so I guess I just need to work harder and talk to her more.

A while back Jon brought my attention to a blog post by a woman from a part member family. The last point was to not feel sorry for her her life, since she is not married to a member of the church.

Lately I feel like I’ve been pitied, but not in the ‘ah I feel so bad way’, but in ‘you are so strong in your faith way’. I know it might sound ungrateful, but some of the comments I’ve received I feel are derived from the fact that Jon is not an active member of the church. If I was married to an active temple worthy member, going to the temple by myself would be no big deal, but since I have a husband who is not an active member, I’m seen as a pillar of strength and faith.

I guess it comes from wanting to be a normal member of the church and I don’t want to be seen as different. I know there are times where I do want that attention or to be given special consideration, but overall I am the same as everyone else, it’s my husband who is different.

I sometimes forget my that my husband is not like other priesthood holding members of the church. When teaching a lesson and the subject of eternal marriage came up, I was more concerned about my sister and how she felt, than myself, even though we’re in similar boats, only she chose to marry outside the church and I did not, and she is not active in the church, and I am. Being an active, temple worthy member, I still feel that I am entitled to the same blessings as every temple worthy couple. I still feel support from Jon to allow me to practice my faith, though it is very different than him participating in my faith with me.

I guess I don’t see myself as so different than others within the church.

Sometimes I appreciate the words of comfort telling me I’m strong in my faith and that particular person admires me for what I’m doing. Mostly I feel that a person pities the situation I’m in and is glad they’re not me. I don’t want pity. I just want to be seen as the same.

This thought came up because I was asked to give a talk in church for this coming Sunday. It’s about eternal marriage-my part. The bishopric member who asked me to give the talk because he felt that I could give inspiration to others that are not married, widows, or in a part member family. He also expressed that I seem to be strong in my faith etc. I expressed my concern that not a lot of people know my situation, so I’m wondering how I can help those he wants me to when they might still see me as married to a worthy priesthood holder. He said I wasn’t needing to explain my situation necessarily but just focus on how an individual is responsible for themselves in the eternal realm, since we only have agency over ourselves.

I’m not sure how I’m going to approach the topic. I’m speaking as the opening speaker to a high councilman so I don’t have to take up a huge amount of time and I was only asked today, in which I have 7 table runners to finish by Wednesday and then a lesson to prepare for class this Sunday. I work well under pressure. In fact I’m sure even if I had two weeks to work on the talk and no table runners to make I would only get to it the week before and really start writing a few days ahead. In this case I just have two things to worry about, with teaching the lesson, but I’ve given talks on days I’ve had to give lessons before.

I’m just not sure how I’m going to connect to those he wants me to connect with without telling my plight, though I fear getting overly emotional and the focus being on my “sad” circumstances rather than inspiring others to focus how to be a good member of the church and how to work on being an member of an eternal family when you’re not sealed to another person.

I’m just not sure what to do.

A few weeks ago I was coming home from somewhere and I had the radio on. Strangely enough Lilah was asleep in the back seat and Eden was awake. A song come on the radio and I sang along and then I noticed Eden singing along. Since it was the last song on in the car before we went inside Eden was still singing it and I thought it was too cute.

Later that night I couldn’t remember the lyrics, or song since it was fairly new to me since I don’t listen to the radio a lot. I tried googling  “just say yes”, but those were definitely not the lyrics to the song.

Finally the song came on while traveling to Costco this week and once again Eden was singing the lyrics to the chorus. I remembered the words and was able to find a music video of the song on youtube.

It was Jon Mayer’s ‘Say’.

I’ve decided this song has one of the easiest choruses to learn, especially since Eden had the chorus down pat before her first listening of the song was complete.

I’ve tried to capture video of her singing it, but the mic on our camera was acting up, and then I was testing the mic on the camera by going a little crazy with the camera, so I’ve pieced together what I could of her singing, and I have the original youtube video of it too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0z86LmXBM

This morning I had to have some blood work done, and it had to be fasting blood work, so I couldn’t eat breakfast until after it was taken.

I got the girls and me to the lab and we signed in and waited. The receptionist told me I was the first person in about a month and a half who had completely filled out the lab work paper. I asked if that was good or bad and she said good. We then settled for our wait. I gave the girls some animal crackers for a snack since none of us had had breakfast. (I thought going to IHOP would be fun as kinda a mom date with me.) I saw smiles from a woman across the room who watched them and especially at Eden when she was looking at her magazines and talking.

I got called in after about 20 minutes and the blood drawn.

We then went to IHOP, which apparently Lilah doesn’t like since she announced that as we were pulling into the parking lot.

I had my french toast and the girls had different pancakes. Lilah’s pancake had a face made out of strawberries, banana’s and whip cream. They gave her a gogurt to decorate her pancake face with. She had lots of fun doing that and then ate slowly, so Eden and I talked while Lilah finished eating.

I then ran to Smith’s for a few items. While I was parking the car Lilah got sad about her pancake face, she wanted to take it home to save and show Daddy. (She’s been very emotional lately and it wears on my nerves at times.) I told her we could draw a picture, or she could describe it to Daddy to help him picture her creation. That seemed to calm her down and we went on with our shopping.

I’ve been home for a little bit now, and the girls have been mostly good, but I’m a little grumpy. No doubt from feeling a little overwhelmed. My house is in some form of constant chaos and I have sewing that needs to be done. I also have three emotionally charged girls in the house, me being the third if you didn’t catch that.

I guess, I feel overwhelmed but more in the way that I know I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed, but I do. I have a lot at hand that needs to be done and all of it is within my capabilities, but I just don’t want to do it which makes me feel weak or lazy.

I’ve worked pretty hard all week, and I’ve accomplished a lot, but I just feel like I’m not really accomplishing a lot because it’s still crazy around here and there is still so much to do.

Update: I took a very long nap, way longer than I needed or planned, and after rushing to get a simple dinner, finish the ends of one table runner, and having Jon come home I feel more myself.

It was just a lonely, down day.

I know, I’m not sure how I survived.

I always have my gmail on and my blogs and depending on what I’m doing, throughout the day I see what’s been posted.

Yesterday my Internet stopped working and today, after about 30 minutes of being on the phone, 30 minutes of waiting for them to call me back, and another 20 minutes on the phone, I got my Internet back. Something about new equipment and reconfiguring, blah, blah blah. The gentleman who worked with my was very nice, but it’s annoying when you lose service and want it.

I had two checks to write out  online, but couldn’t. A library book to renew, but couldn’t and 21 blog post to check, and couldn’t.

Not to mention the couple posts I have in my head but will have to wait since I need to sew.

I’m so happy to be connected again.

Now I need to go pay some bills.

I wanted to vote on election day this year. Early voting was appealing, but voting on November 4, 2008 seemed  more meaningful to me, plus I just forgot to early vote.

So I just voted and I had zero wait.

It helps to go during the day.

I’m happy to cast my ballot, and I’m happy to have Lilah and Eden somewhat aware of what’s happening. Lilah thinks McCain will win, but I think it’s because his name is easier to pronounce, she says Ovama, and McCain was the first name she associated with the election.  Lilah was just one year old in the last election, and ironically that was my first presidential election too.

I’m not sure who will win, but I guess all we can do is wait, unless you haven’t voted, then you need to vote.

I know this is an important election and I hope whoever is elected will be the best man for the country.

My friend Amber did an interesting post over at her blog today

It’s titled10 reasons why I voted for Barack Obama.

I am a registered republican, but I’m finding it to be too conservative.

Amber wrote:

#2-  Religion. The stranglehold that the Christian Conservative vote has on the Republican party is frightening to me.  You know- those same people who wouldn’t vote for Mitt Romney because he was a Mormon and not a Christian?  The ones who preach against my religion during their religious services and make movies detailing why we are horrible people who belong to a cult? Those people.  I think that in a country as diverse as ours we can’t cater everything to the furthest right.  I want the freedom to practice my religion as I see fit- and allow others that same privilege (or the privilege not to practice religion as well).  Others that are Muslim, Jewish, Evangelicals, Christians, Catholics, Hindu, Buddhist, Wickens, atheists, agnostics etc. Separation of church and state is an important issue and my fear of not being able to practice my religion comes from people who don’t believe that I’m a Christian because I don’t believe like them more then people who don’t believe in Jesus Christ at all.

I hadn’t thought of the religious point of view, but what she said really resonated with me.

I also agreed with a lot of what she said in her post.

We have a little neighbor girl, I’ll call her J,  who comes over somewhat regularly, in an irregular way. We see J a lot and then we don’t.

During the summer J took a bug catching net home with her, but she visits her grandma who lives across the street from us, so it went to her real home. The day right after she took it she had come over to play, but I was busy making something where time was of the essence, kneading rolls comes to mind, and my hands were dirty and I was unable to get the net from her at that very moment. She had stayed the night at her grandma’s and had brought over her suitcase, what she had taken the net it, but I was too busy. I told her to come over later that day but we didn’t see her until the next week and of course the net was at her real house by this time.

When J came to play Lilah would ask about the net and tell her it’s not nice to take things. I don’t know the exact age J is, but I believe she’s right in between Lilah and Eden in age, or around 4 to 4 1/2.

I would remind Lilah to not worry about the net, but of course it was something precious to her and she wanted it back. Lilah stopped asking for the net and began not playing with J when she would come over and after J left Lilah would mention how not nice J was for taking the net.
I would try to tell Lilah that sometimes people don’t understand that they shouldn’t take things and to forget about the net.

Yesterday it happened again.

J had come over and Eden was playing with her, but Lilah would not. Later in the car as we drove to Beth’s house Lilah mentioned the bug net. I then started talking to her about grudges and forgiveness. Our conversation went something like this.:

Me- Lilah it’s not nice to hold grudges against people.  J didn’t mean to hurt you by taking the bug net, she just didn’t know better and decided to take it for herself. You need to forgive her.

Lilah- What’s a grudge?

Me- A grudge is when you’re mad at someone for a long time and you don’t forgive them. Would you like it if I stayed mad at you for something you did a long time ago?

Lilah- No.

Me- So you need to forgive J and move on and be her friend.

I guess our talked worked, or made an impact, because when J came over today Lilah actually played with her a little. Of course their interest are different so it only lasted for so long, but I was happy to see Lilah trying to play with her rather than trying to ignore her.