Is It Naptime Yet

I think I’m a little bipolar. Some days I really, really, really want a baby. Other days, I’m like, no way do I want a baby coming and messing up our perfectly worked out life. (It’s not perfect, but a baby would sure rock the boat, and be expensive.)
Things that would be really hard with a baby:
Camping. We’d have to get a bigger car because we hardly fit everything we need in our car with a cargo top.
Sleeping. I like to stay up late and sleep in.
Sewing. In my new house, whenever we get one, I would not have a sewing room, and that’s something I’m looking forward to.
Vacations. Because of needing a bigger car, we wouldn’t be able to afford to do vacations.
Homeschooling. I have a hard enough time homeschooling, and staying on task with two children. I don’t think I’d be very consistent if we had a baby. Plus, I’d have to keep what I’m using so I can use it on our younger baby.
Babysitting. Since my daughters are older, I think it’s easier to get a sitter, or at least I feel less guilty using the same two people over and over again. Having a baby would mean we’d go out less as a couple and might actually have to pay to have someone watch my kids.
Life. In general I am just not use to having a little one that demands so much of one’s time. My girls are pretty independent. They make their first two meals of the day and even help with dinner. A baby would be really life changing.

I admit to often looking at the negative to make me happy we’re not having another child. You never know what kind of personality a new little one will have and what dynamic the child will bring to the family.Plus, I can’t control what sex the baby is, and even though Carolyn wants us to have a boy, I am in no way prepared to have a boy. While the personality and sex of the baby aren’t bad. I fear having a really rambunctious, hard to handle boy. The unknown is scary.

Over the past couple years I’ve felt very many emotions.

1. We’re having a baby once we get a bigger house. No matter what.
2. Babies are way too much to handle. I’m too selfish.
3. I’m not having any more babies so lets get rid of all the baby stuff, and my maternity clothes.
4. I’d probably let Lilah or Eden do all the work of taking care of the baby, and that’s just wrong.
5. Babies are so dang cute, and mine are so big.
6. Babies are way annoying, especially as they turn into toddlers.
7. I just want to be pregnant. Who cares if I keep the baby afterwards.
8. I’m good with my little family.

I think I’m mostly baby hungry right now because of a blog I read. The woman has two daughters, one a year older than Lilah, and one who is Eden’s age. Since we both had two daughters, I really related to some of the things she went through, even though our lives are so different. She wasn’t able to have kids for a while, and yesterday she gave birth to a third little girl. Reading her posts about all her preparations and the cheerful anticipation her family felt, really got my womb wanting a another child, especially since she had a little girl.

Even now, I’m not completely sure how I feel about another child, but I’m happy that I feel joy for this mother with her new baby, not jealousy.

Today, I am happy with my family and I’m happy for the moms who have little ones to enjoy.

What I do look forward to is being in the nursery at co-op in the Fall. I really like playing with the little ones, and then sending them to their moms when they’re too upset or need a diaper change.
Then I’m like, “Baby, baby, who wants this baby?”
Not me.

Jon had his birthday at the beginning of May.

For Jon’s birthday he went to work, which he normally does, and was able to enjoy some celebration with his co-workers. He then came home to some excited girls who had him search for his present before he worked out. Lilah made a little “scavenger” hunt. I wasn’t feeling my best so instead of riddles, they went more like, “Go to the microwave. Go to the dishwasher.” etc. Jon followed directions and they lead him back to the couch, where his gift was. The girls colored the box like it was a present, in effort to reuse and recycle, and because I wasn’t feeling well. I was actually able to surprise him for his gift this year. He had told me a long time ago what he wanted, and apparently had forgotten. (It was a CD, Thick as a Brick II, and a Lone Wolf book to add to his collection.)

Jon told me he wanted home-made pizza for dinner, so the girls and I prepared our pizzas and shared in making Jon’s. (He was working out.) We then enjoyed some yummy pecan pie. His boss had made it for him last year on his birthday, and I asked for the recipe because it was delicious. Jon’s boss made him a chocolate coffee cake this year, because she thought I might be making him pecan pie. She was correct in her guess. Eden loved the pecan pie and declared that she wanted it for her birthday.

We then enjoyed a nice evening at home as a family.

For my birthday, at the end of the month, I was able to enjoy a quiet morning at home. Jon took the girls to Science Saturday and I started getting ready to see Mary Poppins at The Smith Center. I decided I wanted curly hair, which takes forever, but allowed me to be extra cute on my birthday. Since the show was Mary Poppins, I took Lilah with me as sort of an early birthday gift. We barely got there in time, and the show started. About 5 minutes in the set to the house malfunctioned, and it was nearly a full hour later when they began again. Lilah was really good and we took a couple pictures while we waited. I called Jon to let him know that we’d be home an hour late and he suggested we go out to eat, because he didn’t want to cook and thought making me cook on my birthday was not very nice. I chose Olive Garden and we enjoyed a nice meal together as a family. Jon almost thought to order dessert, but I reminded him that he and Eden had made me a cake while Lilah and I were at the play.

We went home and enjoyed cake and went to bed as one very stuffed family.

Becoming one year older isn’t so bad when you get to enjoy it in such wonderful ways.

While growing up my parents would always ask for us kids to do things for them or around the house. It was fine that we had to make dinner once a week, wash dishes, and iron my dad’s work clothes. I was fine with that. Well, maybe I didn’t enjoy ironing so much. What I disliked was picking up my father’s newspapers that he had just piled onto the floor after reading, or fetching him or my mom water when their legs worked just fine. The running joke was they had kids to do things for them.

Yeah, having kids can be helpful and I’m trying to not make them into my slaves, something we called ourselves a time or two growing up. It is hard though. They’re so able bodied, while I’m so old.

I’m still not great at always incorporating the girls into my chores or things I do around the house. They really can’t reach the sink to do dishes, and we have to help them put dishes away that go up high. I don’t always like company as I cook, most often I like to just cook by myself. So I don’t encourage them to be in the kitchen with me, but there are times they insist. Like when I was making jam at the very end of April.

I bought a ton of strawberries, and planned on freezing some and making jam with most of them. One morning I made one batch of freezer jam, but I was in a rush. I made them hang back and watch, but promised they could help when I did the regular jam.

The morning of jam making came, and the girls were very excited. I pulled their hair back, and I put them to work cutting and mashing berries, while I prepped my jars and lids. It was actually very helpful to have them helping, and helped the process go smoothly.
They also had tons of fun, so it was a win win situation. I even offered to contract them out to my friend Sam, but she was already over half way done with her jam making when I offered.

The girls really loved helping, and I liked seeing them help. There were times when one or the other was a little stubborn, but once I got them to try it, things went well. Read: Eden was not wanting to do something, so I made her try it, and she really liked it in the end.

Lilah’s hair is so crazy because I had to pull her long bangs back, so she wouldn’t be tempted to touch her hair.

Later that week Eden and I baked some muffins together. I try to include both of them in the kitchen, but often it becomes an argument in who’s turn it is, or it’s unfair that they get to put this and that in, or they’re stirring for too long. So sometimes I make something with just one of them. The other often pouts, but once we reach the agreement that they can help make something later in the week, they stop bothering us, for the most part. Read: Lilah has a really hard time not being the one helping in the kitchen, and hovers around talking and trying to help.

Eden’s Whole Wheat Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins. The recipe came from the Highlights magazine. (We changed it to whole wheat and substituted raisins for chocolate chips.)

Lilah chose some cookies for her recipe that we made together. They turned out pretty good, and none of the cookies I ate had any of her hair in them.

Lilah really has taken to doing extra things around the house, and it’s really nice, because usually she’s also very willing to help. Like, their laundry just got put into the wash and I didn’t have to help at all. I was able to sit here and type this up.

Now if only I had a drink of water.

Back in April Andrea came down with Zarina and Poppy for a week. My Aunt Rosena was also in town for one of her semi-annual visits.  We visited the Park girls a few times while they were here and I finally remembered to take pictures on the final day of my Aunts visit.

On this particular day Andrea was running errands and we were watching Zarina and Poppy. Poppy did not like waking up from her nap and her mom being gone, but once outside with the silly girls she was a little happier.

Lilah and Eden were trying to cheer Poppy up with some bubbles we brought.

Poppy did not enjoy touching the grass.

Zarina blowing some bubbles. (She turns five in October!)

We brought a blanket out for Poppy, she enjoyed that a lot more, despite the look on her face.

Here is Poppy with her Great Aunt Rosena and her Grandma Maggie.

We got the girls to come pose with Grandma and Aunt Rosena too. (They look a little grumpy here.)

But here Poppy is covering my mom’s face.

It was fun to see Andrea and her girls. Family visits are always fun especially since Andrea and Brien will be moving farther away, and visits will become less frequent.