Archive for the 'Sanity' Category


Friday, September 25th, 2009

So Facebook has connected me with a lot of friends I went to school with. Some I’ve known since elementary, most are from my junior high and high school years.

Recently one friend on Facebook did a status update about learning to do pap smears.


Someone I went to high school, and junior high, with is becoming a obstetrician and could deliver my next child? Hypothetically speaking of course, since their may or may not be another child shooting from me in the future and she’d have to move to Las Vegas, which is a Hell Hole for many obstetricians.

It’s crazy to see what people I went to school with, and are my age, are becoming. It’s kinda scary too. A couple are on their way to becoming doctors, then we have some lawyers, an astrophysicist and lots of other highly intelligent careers. Some are mothers like me, while many have become teachers and may or may not be parents also.

Plus, the new registrar for UNLV is around Jon’s age. (I secretly would love for Jon to become the registrar, but mostly for the money. There’s way too many politics and managing of other people for his taste.)

For the most part I am very, very happy. I have been for most of our marriage. I find that I am now becoming a little more selfish since I didn’t have that single and selfish stage of life where I got to do whatever I wanted. Jon is also supportive of this selfish time and if he could he would allow me to go on some fancy vacation far away, but alas we’re too money conscious and I would feel bad being that selfish.

I’m a mom. I’m happy to be a mom. I also have a degree. Something I’m very proud of. I didn’t get married and then neglect my education just because I knew I would be a stay-at-home-mom. Truth be told I continued school after being married and having Lilah because I didn’t want to be some Mormon girl who got married at 18, dropped out of college for no good reason, and started pumping out the kids. I did get married at 18 and I did start pumping out the kids so I wanted my education to prove I was more than my marriage and more than just a mother. I know it sounds harsh and I know I’ll offend some people by what I just wrote, but that was truthfully one of my driving forces behind continuing my degree, especially since I was so young and naive when I got married. I wanted to show that I had something going for me if I ever needed it.

That train of thought only kept me in school for so long, then it became more that I wanted to finish my degree because I truthfully loved school and I wanted to be an example for my kids.  I try not to judge other people on how high of an education they have, whether they had their kids at 20 or 40 or none at all. I did what I thought was best for me and my family, and it happened to be for me to finish my education.

I am secretly grateful that I’m not having more kids right now so I can do things like be in a play and go hang out with friends without being the pregnant or nursing mother. I am a mother, but being pregnant or nursing is just not right for me personally at this time. I think I need this me time, it’s selfish according to the plan but I am enjoying it.

At one time I thought I would be a nursing or pregnant mother for the whole of my 20’s, so I’m just embracing my life and what I can do with it.

But I find that I’m not satisfied with all I am. Jon sent me this link of two women trying something they always wanted to try in their late 30’s, though they may be 40. I joked that he wanted me to become some hot blonde that played the guitar.

I have some dreams.  I’m mostly to shy to act fully upon any of them, but I think it’s amazing what these women did. No doubt because I want to be an age appropriate hot mama and able to sing and maybe play an instrument.

I want the courage to reinvent myself.

I think it’s amazing that some of my old class mates are doing wonderfully challenging things.

I think it’s amazing that as a whole I am so happy being a mom to my two girls.

I think I need to get off my duff and make a some what sexy music video for Jon when he turns 40.

Heck, I’ve got 6 years, I think I’ll go wallow in my inabilities a little longer.

Here’s the video of the two SAHM’s who decided to learn to sing and to play an insturment. Click on it to read what Todd’s wife has to say about it.


Tuesday, July 21st, 2009

I am not good at schedules. At least self imposed schedules or tasks. You give me a deadline and I will do it. If I give me a deadline, I might do it.

As we get back in the grove of our normal life I find myself craving a schedule. Mostly I think I want something to anchor me, something to help me anchor my children. I’ve never really had a schedule, or stuck to one, at least for long. I suppose I’m good at getting up and feeding my family at specific times of the day, and having the girls go to bed at certain times, but that’s it, and even Jon and I have disagreements about when they should go to bed since we don’t always stick to a schedule. Some nights it’s 9 some nights it’s 9:30.

I think part of the reason I’m not good at sticking to a schedule is my home never had one growing up. It wasn’t for lack of trying, but with six kids it can be hard to implement something and have us all follow through, especially when both parents work and weren’t there to supervise all the time.

In my house it was both a group effort and a fend for yourself environment. We all helped with dinner, though one person was assigned the main meal on a certain day of the week. (Mine was Wednesday  for a long time because I didn’t go to mutual or the youth activity, and yes I was cooking dinner before I was twelve.) The person in charge of dinner would then assign the different dinner assignments. One always wanted juice and vegetables because it was the easiest and then dishes was the least desirable. We worked together, but the goal was to get the easiest task possible.

I feel this has stuck with me. Try to accomplish what you need to the easiest way possible.

It was that way at home and it was that way at school.

So now that I’m a mom and one of the two providers of my children’s education, I find that I need to change my mindset. Schedules should be empowering, not a struggle. I should help my children learn in whatever way necessary, not the easiest or the quickest.  I should have my girls help me around the house more because in the end it will help me, even if it takes longer now.

So I’m asking for advice. What schedules work for you, or don’t work for you?

Jon’s told me to start out small. Do just one task and make it a habit and then after a week or two add something else. I think it will take me two years if I implement that to it’s fullest, but I think it is good advice.

If it helps, my goal in scheduling isn’t to fill every moment of my day, but to make time for the things I want to do and to limit my self indulging which takes away from my family. I find myself on the internet entirely too much, and sleeping too much also. Both are to avoid doing work, though sometimes I’m just tired.

I want to make time to have my girls help with making lunch, and make time for me to do things to improve me and work alongside of them as they do work too. Not just assign them to do things and go off and do what I want or need to do. So if Lilah is writing in her journal, I should be writing in mine, not blogging. 🙂

So what schedules work for you? Both in keeping your house organized and your children occupied.

Sewing like a mad woman

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Since most of my time is spent sewing, keeping my house from becoming condemned, refereeing my girls and at times taking naps because I have a headache, not much has else happened. We did visit a friend this week and saw her chickens, and I didn’t sew anything on Tuesday due to whatever I did that day which was more important than sewing.  I thought I might get the Winkie skirts done by or on Saturday but I was proven very, very wrong. I have five finished total, not including the red and white pattern that will get done later. Plus we’re getting pictures done Tuesday for a newspaper, so I’ve put the Winkie costumes aside, since they wouldn’t have been complete anyways, and have been working on my costume so I can be in the picture and look cute. I’m selfish what can I say. Working on my costume has been a nice break from the stress of the Winkie’s. I know what I’m doing for the Winkie costumes, but everything is taking longer than planned and that is stressful. What I thought I could do one way and take 10 minutes, I couldn’t, so I had to do another way and take 30. Plus the elastic is a pain to pull through with a safety pin, it has taken about three tries on each skirt,  so I’m gonna go buy a little tool to make it easier, or borrow Anna’s. It just stinks. I’ve put in 85 hours making costumes for the play, mind you that includes Lilah’s and one other lullaby girl’s costume, and does not include mine, though I should tally that in there, so I’ve spent 90 hours on costumes. Some of it I love, other parts I don’t.

On a plus note, I should be done by the 28th and will be able to enjoy the Shark Reef on the 29th. Even if I’m not done, I’ll be enjoying the Shark Reef with my girls on the 29th as a be-lated birthday present. I turn 26 next week and I’ll be sewing that day and going to play practice that night. So fun. Practice really is fun, it’s the sewing that’s not.

Also, I finally have a teaching partner, though the person won’t be sustained till next week, so you didn’t hear it from me.

Happy Mother’s Day to Me

Sunday, May 10th, 2009

I feel like I should write something very sentimental, but I’m just not in the mood. So I’ll just let you know how my mother’s day has gone.

My alarm went off at 7:10 am, only because I forgot to switch it off from the previous day. Then Eden came and wished me Happy Mother’s Day and Jon came in at 7:30 am to tell me breakfast was ready. I was very happy that he had made be breakfast and it was french toast, my favorite, I just wasn’t too hot that it was 7:30 am. Since he worked hard I did wake up and eat breakfast.

During breakfast Eden was particularly quiet and wasn’t eating. We asked Eden what was wrong, but she didn’t reply. Then she started to get down, so we asked were she was going and she started to reply she wasn’t feeling well, but was not able to finish because she threw up the water she had drunk that morning. I cleaned up the water and got the couch ready for her, IE a towel over the couch and a bowl to catch anymore non cooperative food. She continued to have problems with water, juice and applesauce this morning. I had to teach a lesson so Jon took care of Eden while I got Lilah and myself ready for church. We got there early and just in time for Lilah to sing a prelude song with the Primary before the sacrament meeting started. I love hearing the primary kids sing a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day song. Last year they did neither, so I was very happy to hear that they were singing this year.

Before the administered of the sacrament I was looking forward to hearing who would be my teaching companion, but whomever they asked on Sunday must have said no. I wanted to cry and did a little. Lilah asked me why I was sad and I told her I was just frustrated. I wished that person new how much I needed someone’s support in the class, especially at this hectic time for me.  Since they didn’t call anyone I decided to ask the ward mission leader if could help me, but he was unsure which weekend he would be out of town so two members of our class volunteered. (Most of my gospel essentials class are long time, active members who just like gospel essentials, but don’t need to be there.) I just needed the next two weeks covered to keep my sanity since I’m making costumes and if I had a teaching partner they would have been able to help me at this burdensome time. I figure the lesson is the easiest thing I’m able to delegate and mentally it helps a lot to have one less thing to do.

I enjoyed the rest of sacrament meeting though we had some very unconventional things happen. Before we had our speakers there were four “competitions” for who was the oldest mother, the mother with the most children, the mother with the most grandchildren and the one who was the newest mother, or had the youngest baby. We stood up and then were eliminated. It was quite the show and even though it was done in fun, I hope it never happens again since it wasn’t very appropriate for Sacrament meeting.

Eden was feeling better by the time we came home from church. In fact she’s been wanting to eat almost nonstop. We think she became sick because she hadn’t eaten much on Friday or Saturday and the last time she went on a hunger strike she also got sick and was throwing up. I’m not sure if she’s sick so she doesn’t eat, or if she doesn’t eat and becomes sick. I think it’s the later because she wants food, but she just won’t eat what’s in front of her.

Jon did dishes for me today and Lilah repeatedly told me Happy Mother’s day all afternoon long. I received a picture from each girl and made a cheesecake to celebrate.

I’ve enjoyed my day and I was reminded that I was mother to two wonderful girls when I had one on my lap and another cuddled up to my on my left while we watched Nature. It was hot, but it was worth it.

Late night

Monday, May 4th, 2009

So life is busy. I’m mostly very overwhelmed with all the things I’m suppose to do, have committed to do, and want to do.

I do dishes every day, maybe I skipped one last week, but my sink has not been empty in over a week. There are always more to do.

I try to be a good mom by feeding my children, cuddling with them, and trying to get them to be nice to one another. Home schooling is on the back burner since I have so much I have to do, but I do a little each week. My friend Beth is still helping me and I feel guilty that sometimes the only school time they get is when they’re there. We do other things, but not many sit down things . I just have so much to do.

My teaching partner for Gospel Principles moved to Utah recently. I’ve taught five out of the last six lessons. She did have one lesson covered by the Elders since I had taught three in a row and we did have General Conference in there but it’s been a lot for me since I’m stressing about costumes. Hopefully someone will be called next week and I can have a week or two without worrying about teaching. The Bishop said he was extending the call to someone on Sunday and I hope they accept. I really wish it had been done sooner, but I’ll be happy once I have someone to share the responsibility with.

I’m working on the Winkie Costumes and my Ozian costume, when I get tired of the Winkie’s I do things on mine. My friend Anna said she’ll help me, but she’s in school till the 16th and so she’ll be helping me design the top and hat, but I’m on my own till then when it comes to the bulk of the sewing. It’s OK and I’m grateful for her help, but it’s daunting trying to design and sew costumes for 14 people. That’s the majority of my stress right now. We’re shopping for fabric tomorrow and hopefully some of my stress will go down once we have a plan for the top. It’s not knowing that’s stressing me.

I’m excited for the play. I’ve enjoyed learning the Jitterbug dance sequence and I think I’m finally getting it, at least in my no dance experience way. We’ll be conditioning so we can dance and sing and I’m needing to get into gear at home. I know some people exercise to relieve stress, I have never been one of those people. I’m more a ‘sit on the couch and watch pointless TV and avoid what you need to do’ kind of person. At least I do it late at night so my girls aren’t sitting around with me just watching TV.

I want to do post about us releasing the ladybugs. One problem is Google stopped doing videos and YouTube is still a little too public for me. I liked Google because they had a no search thing. I also need to edit pictures and write about Jon’s birthday.

I really want to write about the fun stuff but I don’t have a lot of time right now, except to write about how little time I have. 😉

I suppose it’s because the stuff I’m stressing over is on my mind, not the fun stuff.


Saturday, December 13th, 2008

This year the truffle gods were looking down at me and laughing.

I don’t know if it’s because I declined help from my very busy friend Beth and her daughters, or because it was humid, or maybe it was my children that were driving me nuts, but things just did not want to go right for me.

I started melting my truffle mixtures on Tuesday morning. I melted the white and then began melting the milk chocolate, to make the mint milk chocolate center. This was my first mishap, which I was able to save. I think I slightly burned the truffle mixture by heating it up too quickly, but it didn’t get too burned and I was able to whipped it to smoothness and it tasted just fine.

My next batch was not so lucky.

It got burned, and as it cooled it separated. It’s still sitting in my fridge because I’m not sure what to do with it. It’s still edible, just not usable for truffles. I’m so glad I only wasted $2 worth of chocolate, rather than $5, had I not bought it on sale.

So I let my truffles set and after lunch I started to roll them and then I began dipping them after they had their freezer time. The white truffles came out wonderfully, they usually do, but the milk chocolate mint I was having problems left and right. The chocolate was cracking, and then I’d get a few good ones and the the chocolate coating starting looking weird. I call it pudding, because it reminds me of that. It was not fun.

I remade a a fourth truffle mixture a little bit before I went to a church activity. Going made me stay up till 1 am, but I would need to wait for the mixture to cool and harden in the fridge anyways and I needed to get out of the house. My children were extra bothersome this day, and I’m sure it’s because I was frustrated at all the bumps in my truffle making road.

We got the girls to bed after I came home and I still had problems with the chocolate coating looking like pudding at times, but there was less stress since the girls were in bed and I was almost at the end, even if people got pudding truffles.

I bagged them and got them ready for Jon, only he didn’t take them to work this Wednesday, he took them on Friday.

I also made chocolate covered popcorn, both were hits.

I was able to have enough nice looking truffles for his work colleagues, but now I have a lot of funny looking truffles. I’m not sure who I want to give them too, because there are way too many for my little family.

Here are some photos of the truffles, including the ‘pudding’ ones.

The white, pretty, Christmas ones.

Pudding looking truffles.

The new way I decorated some.

Weekend schedule and Primary Program

Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

Saturday we had a few events.

I had a bridal shower to attend, which I brought Eden with me. Lilah had her primary program practice, which Jon took her too since I was at a bridal shower.

After the bridal shower I headed over to the chapel to watch the end of the practice. This was to be Jon’s study time so I was trying to stay out of the house. After the practice we headed over to Sam’s to decorate the playhouse and get the backyard presentable for the party on Monday. Sam’s husband mowed the lawn and tidied out the play house. He killed three black widows that were living under the few pieces of wood he had in there. We didn’t see any after that.  I cleaned off some bikes and outside toys. I killed 5 spiders in the process. It makes me wonder what spiders we might have on the girl’s, not played with very often, outside toys.

We returned home around 5:30 and had dinner that night.

Sunday was Lilah’s primary program. We tried to get to the church early, but ended up there right on time. Luckily, Jon’s mom and sister Dara were there early and were able to save a pew for us. My mom, Carolyn, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law Dara came to watch Lilah in the program.

Lilah was one of the more enunciated children in her age bracket. Her line was “The scriptures teach me about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and how to return to them.” Lilah was on the left side of the podium and consequently could not see the conductor when they sang songs. Her and her other two classmates seemed to focus on whatever suited them. They still did pretty well on singing and were very well behaved.

During one song Lilah started playing with her curly hair. She was fluffing it and bringing pieces over her head and then did a classic hair toss. Jon said she was practicing for her shampoo commercial days.
She was really cute and we had lots of fun watching her.

I gave the closing prayer, or benediction, and had to teach Gospel Principles so we headed right to class.

Story about the closing prayer.
Last week Jon was asked by the executive secretary if he and I would give the prayers for sacrament. Jon declined for himself but said he would give the message to his wife. He gave me the message and we left it at that.
Sunday we showed up right on time, but I wasn’t positive I would be giving the benediction.  We got there and I looked in our bulletin, but it said: Benediction- By invitation.
So I listened intently to see if they would announce who was giving the closing prayer.
They didn’t.
We sang the closing song and I had my eye out to see if anyone else would stand to give the prayer, particularly the wife of the brother who had said the invocation. She didn’t move so I quickly got up to say the closing prayer. Luckily we were close to the front and I had the isle seat.
It frazzled me for the rest of the day since I get really nervous speaking from the pulpit and because of my confusion.

Jon ushered the girls to their classes and I ushered Carolyn and my in-laws to my class. The class did not go as smoothly as I would have liked, but I guess that’s just the way it is some days. ( I was teaching and with our busy schedule had not gone over it has much as I should have, plus it wasn’t really a big discussion lesson and I had family, which do make me a little more nervous.)
We then went to Relief Society and then to our house.

My MIL made the stop by our house to see my painted bedroom and finished curtains. I think it’s been nearly two years since she’s been to our house and she was interested in seeing our few, and minor, improvements. She and Dara only stayed for a short time since she needed to get back to my FIL.

Carolyn spent the day with us because we had family home evening that night, and it was at the Lee’s house, who live just a couple miles up the street from us, and she lives on the other side of town, like 20 miles one way.

She entertained my children while I did some much needed house work. We also made the sugar cookies that were for decorating at the party the next day.

At family home evening we saw our first cousin’s once removed little girl, who was not yet three weeks old.

All these babies make me want to have a baby, but that will have to wait.

After a night of family we came home and I slept through the make-up yoga class on  Monday morning.

Getting ready.

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

I think the girls are preparing themselves for changing from daylight savings time back to standard.

We’ve put them to bed at the same time, with the same naps, and they’ve been waking up around 8 or 8:30 am, or an hour later than normal. This is really odd for Eden to being doing this. She usually wakes up bright and early at 7 or even 6:30 am, but for whatever reason has been sleeping in and then does not want to take a nap.

Take right now for example. She’s still in her room making noises and asking when she can come out.


On Sunday Eden skipped a nap, but that was also due to me wanting to put the girls to bed early so they would wake up at 7:30 am to get ready for dance at 9 am since they slept in till 8 on Sunday too. (Eden didn’t take a nap Saturday due to making too much noise and I guess being excited about going to Chuck E’ Cheese that night. She also woke up at 8:30 on Saturday. See a pattern here?)

I’m not ready for both my girls to be awake all day long. Lilah’s not ready for Eden to be awake.

When we let Eden stay awake on Sunday she was so upset that the TV was off and she was missing her PBS kids. Once we told her PBS kids was not on on Sunday she was fine.  (Since Lilah normally sleeps later she doesn’t watch any, if much, TV in the morning, while Eden usually wakes up and does, if she’s not playing. So Lilah’s TV time is during Eden’s nap.)

I had a hard time when Lilah stopped taking her nap. The afternoon would be my time to nap, read, watch TV, and especially eat snacks I didn’t like to share with the girls. (I admit I’m a closet sugar eater and I regulate my girls sugar intake in hopes that they will be better at managing their sweet tooth’s. )

Lilah also has an afternoon snack, so Eden will need an afternoon snack, and that means one more person to share my yogurt with.

I want my alone time.

Why can’t they both take naps at my command?

No Dance

Monday, September 29th, 2008

Lilah has a small fever still.

My house smells like little girl pee.

I think I’m going to go insane

How can something so good stop at a drop of a hat and turn so bad and then become so good again?

At least I hope it becomes good again.


Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

This week Eden had to skip her dance class. Lets just say going in the potty went out the window this weekend, but since she had to miss dance yesterday, she hasn’t had a single accident in the past two days. I’m focusing on staying home, except some special exceptions, and getting her to go to the potty. I think pull-ups at nighttime is the only acceptable thing right now. I know we can do this.

The second thing I’m focusing on is the dress I’m making. I get really absorbed in sewing, as long as it’s going well. I hate having to take out a seam, and I had to do that today. Had I read the directions I would have put the interfacing on the wrong side of the fabric, rather than the right, which was so wrong. I’m to a point where I need to fit the dress before going on because I want to make sure I added enough fabric before I sew in the two side seams.

My mom’s machine has been a dream. It even cuts the threads for you, except when it doesn’t, but I think that’s more because of me than the machine.

I wish I had a sewing room, that way I could just sew and get back to it whenever I wanted and sew til the second I want to stop. Until that day I will continue to sew and then clean up my mess for the meals. I think that’s one reason I try to finish things as soon a possible, to help get the chaos of fabric and sewing machines out of the way. To tell the truth I can’t wait to finish this project so I can make the girl’s costumes and then a robe for myself. I’m really looking forward to my sewing right now.

Lastly, I get to see Zarina tomorrow. Andrea and Brien are coming to town for my eldest brother’s wedding, and they have a dentist appointment, which means Auntie Lacey gets to babysit. Of course they’re staying with Carolyn so I’m a little jealous.