Archive for March 1st, 2006


Breathing

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

Earlier this week I was lying in bed next to Jon and he had fallen asleep before me, which often happens, I was so happy to lie there next to him with my head on his shoulder and listen to him breathe and feel his chest rise and fall beneath my hand. Luckily he doesn’t snore, I’d love him if he did, but it just made me happy to be married and be able to share my life with him. I’m grateful to have him and thankful that he puts up with my crazy emotions.

Since I married young I’m going through my life defining moments with him. I don’t mind because he gives me support, but I hope he doesn’t mind my indecisiveness and all the crying I’m doing lately. (Though today it was while we were IMing, so he didn’t see me cry.)
My English teacher gave me a very harsh evaluation on a posting I did, it was the one I did late and on the day after my breakdown. I was rereading it and I realize how bad it was, but she said that it didn’t qualify for being written in “Standard American English”. That was one of her comments and then it went onto just generalizing the different mistakes I made in verb tense and what not. (I’m not an English major for a reason.) I just took it very personally, like I do whenever some critiques my writing harshly. (One of the reason’s I don’t let Jon critique my writing, I take it too personally and shut down and don’t take his suggestions.) I know I’m not the best writer, or proofreader (why you’ll find mistakes in all my writing), but to say I was not using Standard American English, come on. I wanted to drop her class and my history class. (mostly because I have a paper due Friday and hadn’t worked on it yet), Jon said I could use the moment to fail or to rise and better my writing. To do better was my first instinct, but all the work and the fear of failure lurks in my mind. I worry about him realizing that I am truly unintelligent and not capable of passing this class. I have so many worries and most are superficial, or along the lines of people discovering how unintelligent I really am. It sounds like I’m really down on myself, and I can be, but I think I’m just so use to everyone having high expectations of me. Whether it was in church or at school or at work, and sometimes I just felt (feel) like an impostor. It’s like if it doesn’t come naturally and I have to work at it, then I feel it’s not really me, so I’m truly dumb or something. I know that sounds idiotic, but in a way when I was growing up it was like every one around me was naturally smart, and so I must not be because it doesn’t always come as easy. I’m also afraid of failure. If I really apply myself and still fail, then it makes me even dumber. Jon always says he sees me more clearly than I see myself. I’m grateful for his support and I know I can at least pass this English class. I just need to take my time and proof read better. Hopefully my next writing passes for “Standard American English”, especially since it’s a test this Friday.

Five things game

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

I was tagged by Amber

5 Things Game

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Uh ten years ago I was twelve… I’m so young… so I was in the seventh grade and at this time of year we would have been practising for Festival for band. I would have been hanging out with my best friend Tiffany and being an awkward middle school teenager.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was 4 months pregnant with Eden and was taking three on-campus classes and one Internet class. I was also staying home and taking care of Lilah.

Five snacks I enjoy:
1) Cookies, any kind, but particularly snickerdoodle, or the chocolate cookies with white chocolate chips.
2) Ice cream
3) corn bread with butter and honey
4) beef jerky
5) animal crackers

Five songs to which I know all the lyrics:
1) Someone To Watch Over Me- I think that’s the title anyways
2) I’ve Got My Baby by Faith Hill- not sure of that title also
3) Izzy’s Some Where Over The Rainbow- still what I believe is the title and his whole name I don’t know because he’s Hawaiian
4) On top of the world, by Dixie chicks
5) Many, many primary songs

Five things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1) build a space ship and fly to the moon
2) build a moderate sized dream house
3) build houses for all that I love so they could be around me and we could have fun parties
4) Amber had tithing first, and now that i think about it I would also tithe.. of course
5) build my own private school for pre-school to 12th so I could decide what my kids learn and those who share my beliefs could have their children attend for a small fee, if not free.

Five bad habits:
1) biting my fingernails
2) procrastinating until I have breakdowns
3) not doing the dishes until we’re out of dishes
4) typing while looking at the keyboard, and using the improper fingers for certain keys
5) going days without seeing the sun just because I’m content to stay inside… mostly bad for my girls.

Five things I like doing:
1) being with family
2) baking yummy cookies, or anything that is yummy
3) playing with my girls
4) taking naps
5) reading blogs

Five things I would never buy, wear, or get new again:
1) Perky breast–nursing isn’t good to you (I apologize to the sensitive readers 🙂
2) Sunlight dishwasher detergent- leaves residue
3) bangs cut by my mom….no offense they just never turned out straight
4) rolled socks that looked like donuts on my ankles
5) wisdom teeth

Five favorite toys:
1) anything that keeps my girls busy
2) digital camera
3) front loading washing machine
4) A couch that my husband and I both fit on so we can cuddle while lying down.
5) We don’t have many electronic gadgets or anything else that is new.

Here’s the deal: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot:

1. Disparate Housewife
3. My Blog Is About Nothing
3. The Mama
4. Soggy Cheerios
5. Is it naptime yet

Then select five people to tag:
1) Anna
2) Barabra
3) Tracy O.
4) I don’t know anyone elses blog or read any others
so if you’re a lurker let me know and post a comment and you can participate too!