Archive for January 19th, 2007

The light slowly appears after the rain

Friday, January 19th, 2007

I just want to thank everyone for their love and support. This is a cheesy way to do it, but I’m grateful to have so many friends and family who love me.
I have known for a while about Jon. Most of the sadness is from having to tell others. I hate worrying others. I am doing okay.
I just feel shaken from a dream to a harsh reality of questions and choices. I am finding my strength from others around me.
I was able to go to the Temple Wednesday, so that was enjoyable. It was a session in which some from our Relief Society attended together so I was able to sit and talk with my Relief Society President, whom I have grown to love in this year in the ward, she helped to give me comfort.

Wednesday was just hectic. After having a relaxing morning at the temple and lunch I came home to the craziness of telling and bringing this change into the open. It was just so much.

I want to say and make it clear. Jon loves me. He is supporting me in my decision to stay active in the church. He is not trying to convert me to his beliefs. He is planning on sharing these ideas with our children. After all it is who he is now and I sympathize with him not wanting to hide who he is. I don’t like it, but I just hope that I am able to provide a sure foundation for my children with a belief in God and his love for them.

It’s interesting because I’ve heard a lot from his older sister Annie. Annie is one of Jon’s sisters and is eight years older than he. She and her family are not active in the church and we haven’t really had to many religious discussions. One reason for that is we only see each other at family gatherings, in which the parents are there. We usually don’t discuss religion, but even if it comes up she is respectful to our parents and tries not to disrespect their love for the church. I find it refreshing that we’re able to talk more about religion. In some ways I think I have a lot in common with her, and now I believe her and Jon have more in common.

I am finding my footing. I am finding my strength. I hope I can endure and find the truth for myself.
My heart aches when I have had thoughts that the church is not true. I see that as a sign that it is true.

I may just be using this as a coping mechanism, but I know there are many religions out there. I think many have truths to them. A leader in my life says it’s so Satan can lead them away from the true church. I think it is so people can find some solace in God in a way that helps them, or perhaps no God. At one point I could have seen his point. Now I see that even if someone is not a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day saints, and they wish not to be, then hopefully they are still living a good life. I think and know Jon will continue to live a good life. This new decision is what helps him make good choices. That’s fine.
The church at times can be restrictive and people can be driven by guilt and fear. I know I have had those times in my life. As I talked to one friend she mentioned how the church is really seen differently through each members eyes.
People adapt any religion to what they see is right for them. What brings me comfort may not bring you comfort. What motivates someone not to sin could crush the spirit of another.
I think I have found more love for those outside of my beliefs. I have more sympathy for those who do not believe as I do.
I hope Heavenly Father is merciful to all.