Archive for January 22nd, 2007

Easy Silence

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Before all this happened I was very happily married and I found much sanctuary in my husband.
It seems that I’ve been so angry lately that I remember to love him because I should love him, but I often forgot why I loved him in some ways. Shortly before I found out about his new beliefs we attended the Dixie Chicks concert. I loved sitting there holding Jon’s hand and singing. On there newest CD, Taking the Long Way, they have a song titled Easy Silence. This song made and makes me think of Jon. Most of the song it about their own trials and what they’ve been through, so I don’t relate to that part but I relate to the chorus:

Easy silence that you make for me
It’s okay when there’s nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me

When they sang this song the night of the concert I believe I sang into Jon’s ear. It’s how he made me feel and makes me feel. Relaxed and accepted. He was the one person I totally exposed myself to without the worries of judgment. Well I worried, but in some ways I did not.
With all the anger I’ve had lately I’d forgotten about the comfort I had with him and the love I felt.
Saturday night PBS’s Austin City Limits had the Dixie Chicks performing. We came upon it and decided to stay up late to watch. The song Easy Silence came on and in a way I felt a lot of the love that I had been withholding from Jon come out. Part of the wall I had built was taken down.

I’m trying to love Jon throughout this ordeal. Really I haven’t stopped. It’s just at certain moments I feel that I have very little love for him, and a whole lot of anger, which is natural. The only way I can make it through this is to love my husband, my children, myself but most importantly my God.