Archive for March, 2007

Driving me crazy

Wednesday, March 7th, 2007

Last night Lilah woke up 4 times between the hours of 3:30 am and 5:30…well she just stayed awake after 5:30 am.
The first time it was crying, she wanted the radio on.
The second time it was her crawling into bed with us. Jon put her back into hers after a little bit of cuddling. Usually it’s because we need to wake up a bit more before we have the energy to put her back.
5:00 or so it was the hall light that woke me up. I though she was going potty, but she just went to the couch because she couldn’t sleep.
Then 5:30 it was the radio was off again. She then just got up when Jon did at 6 am.

It’s driving me nuts!
Eden starts crying at least once each night. Sometimes it’s night terror’s, I think, and she’s still asleep when she’s crying. Lately she’s actually been awake when I go in there to cuddle her.
Then Lilah has been regularly crawling into bed with us. This drives me nuts. I just let Jon take her back when he’s ready, but I think I’m gonna have to start taking her back immediately because after a few nights she usually stops trying to come in if she knows she’s just going straight back. (This cycle takes place around every two months or so.)
Then the whole waking up and not being able to sleep or needing the music on is driving me nuts! (I think I’ve used that phrase 3 times now) We got the radio as a comfort for nighttime and sickness. I didn’t get it so the cd would play continually all night long!
I’m tempted to take it away and just have them go to sleep without it. She did fine for the first 3 2/3 years of her life she can go without it now.
I just see these as excuses to get attention. Maybe I’m not spending enough time with her in the day or giving her the attention she needs, but what bothers me is I feel that I give her plenty of attention and I spend all day with them.
I just needs it to stop. I’m not getting good sleep so I then sleep while she watches Aurthur in the morning.
I’m tempted to put the gate up at nighttime so she can’t get out but we’d still be able to have the door open to hear Eden if she needs comfort. No music and a gate so she just has to tough it out. The nighttime neediness just gets to me. It’s hard to have patience when you’re sleep deprived and it’s 3:30 am.
I want uninterrupted sleep for a week straight. Is that too hard to ask?

Really I don’t think it is. It’s only been this last month that we’ve had all these problems, before it was occasionally, now it’s a regular occurrence to be awakened by one of the girls. I don’t have a newborn, why do I feel like I do?

Telling the parents

Monday, March 5th, 2007

Jon told his parents Saturday that he is no longer participates in church and doesn’t have a testimony. He didn’t go as far has stating he doesn’t believe in Satan or God, but at least they know the basics and won’t be getting the information from some other source.
His mom has taken it really hard. We expected that. He is her little boy and the one she’s depended on for along time. She called me this afternoon and I can tell that she one, wants me to stay with Jon in hopes that I can help him come back and two in thought that if I do leave him he would then give up altogether. I don’t know if he mentioned his analogy of how when converts sometimes become members their families get upset and disown them. She related how she understands how sad it can be to have a deep faith in a religion and then to have your child say they don’t believe is heartbreaking. She’s going through a lot of heartache. They have two daughters that are not active members but they’ve been this way since their teen years. She’s just relied a lot on Jon and it hurts to see him go through this change.  I tried to say that even if it takes a long time for him to come back, if he ever does, it’s really on his own that it will happen. She blamed herself a little wondering if she leaned on him too much at times, like after his father’s heart attack. I tried to say that he was given a good foundation and it was him who made this decision. Maybe it will be for the better. Now I’m forced to be a stronger member and to gain a sure testimony. Where as before I was just going along. I still feel as though I am just going by. I wonder what I have to do in order to be sure of everything. I wonder about the work and dedication and if I have it. I wonder if it will be enough for my own children.
I worry about the phone calls. I hope to have strength to tell her to stop calling if it becomes to interfering or weighs me down. In some weighs I’ve tried to just move on and not dwell anymore, though we still have our problems. I worry that her worries will actually hurt our relationship. Worries about me staying, though she feels that I will, or worries about him and what she’ll do now that her rock as transformed and is something she does not completely know.
She a wonderful woman she just worries.
I am doing well. I’m actually craving another baby. I look at Eden and think how I was pregnant with her when Lilah was this age. I look at her and think how young she is and how  Lilah was still so young when I had her. I love my girls and I’m just getting a little baby hungry. I tell myself I’m not ready now to have that stress enter and that helps. I tell myself that if I’m careful Heavenly Father won’t give me a baby before I am ready. I hope that I’m ready for whatever happens.


Sunday, March 4th, 2007

The week’s been busy. Thursday we had our first preschool class with the other kids in our ward. Lilah loved it. Eden was good. We have the classes split. One with the kids born in 2004 and before, and then one for 2005 and after. It was suppose to be more of we take turns teaching, assisting or being in the nursery, and if you weren’t in one of those three positions you could go do what you wanted, but the Church isn’t suppose to do a daycare/preschool type setting so the moms now have to stay in the building. I was in the nursery with Eden. I taught them about wind but 20 month olds don’t really care about wind, paper bag kites, or twirling with crate paper. They do like bubbles and wind chimes. They also like just playing or being read too. I had four kids and a young women from the ward helping so it was pretty easy, but boy does times stand still when you’re entertaining young toddlers. The first hour felt like 2 and then luckily the second hour their was another activity that I was able to go to and get some socialization. I’m in the nursery again this Thursday. I think I’ll bring some of my books form home and maybe something that makes music to entertain them more. I’ll have the whole two hours with them this time to fill by myself and another young women, so we’ll see how it goes.

Saturday was a good day. Jon’s niece Shauntae, and her family came to town. We had a dinner at Annie’s house. I made rolls and everyone loved them. They turned out well anyways. It was fun to sit and chat with her and family for a couple hours. They were down just for the weekend.

Today was stake conference. Jon didn’t want to go so I thought I’d go by myself, but we stayed up late watching Memoirs of a Geisha and I didn’t want to get ready this morning. (Absolutely loved the movie. It’s now on our to buy list.) I use to pride myself on being one of those people who went to stake conference instead of taking a Sunday off. I could sympathize why they would want to stay home rather then sit on hard chairs for two hours and try to entertain their kids for twice the normal time. Today I was one of those slackers. I really enjoyed it though.
I did get a lot done, even though it suppose to be a day of rest. I decide to fold the 2 partial loads of kids clothes plus the whole load that was sitting in the dryer. (I wash clothes and as long as their is room in the laundry baskets and dryer I don’t always fold. Two loads had been done of the girls clothes but neither folded so they were now partial because we had used clothes from them.)
I also did three other loads of laundry. Jon played with the girls outside and did a lot around the house. Dishes and dinner. 🙂
It was such a beautiful day. I hope tomorrow is the same way. I think I’ll wear shorts in hopes that I’ll get a tan.


Friday, March 2nd, 2007

I stumbled upon a friends, sister’s blog, who had been disgusted by this program on ABC. ( I won’t link to her blog out of respect, I already put a comment, which I’ll post later.) I found it interesting because I had the exact opposite reaction as this woman. I was refreshed to see a more normal polygamous sect.

In short there’s a community not far from Colorado City AZ which has modern facilities and houses, and is the home to a polygamous Mormon sect. Spouses are chosen by women saying whom they want to marry or feel they are inspired to marry and then family and ultimately the elders, or priesthood leaders of their church, decide if it is right. If it’s decided then the guy finds out he’s to have a wife. They practice a law that resembles the Law of Consecration which the Church practiced early on. For them this is a community of a lot of tradesmen and so they build homes for one another free of charge on the weekends. They are exposed to the world, but not in the world. Their is no dating or premarital sex, and a polygamous marriage is required to enter the highest kingdom, or Celestial Kingdom

The woman’s blog was disgusted by it. She, or commenter’s to her post, were upset that they mentioned the Church and Joseph Smith. But in reality they are a break off of the Church, and they believe the words of Joseph Smith literally, that a man must have at least two wives to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Where as we just believe you must be sealed by the holy priesthood to one man or one woman, depending on your sex, to enter the highest degree of glory.
In reality I felt they disclosed well that this sect was not apart if the main LDS church and that the LDS church had not participated in polygamous marriage for over a hundred years. Really you can’t keep repeating that the whole show. Once is enough. They showed The Book of Mormon, because this sect uses and believes The Book of Mormon. Someone was upset about that. Well to get upset at a polygamous Mormon sect for using The Book of Mormon is like the Christians getting upset at the LDS church for using the Bible. It’s apart of their beliefs and does not solely belong to the mainstream LDS church, though we have the publishing rights. It’s apart of their church’s heritage, just as it is ours. Just as we are still Christians for believing in Christ they are still Mormon’s for believing in the Book of Mormon. Just different Mormons and not the official Mormons.

I guess as you will read form the copy and pasted comment, that I thought this sect showed a normal and refreshing polygamous sect. They are peculiar for practicing yes, but they aren’t stuck in the 1800’s because of it, like Colorado City.
I saw them as a look into how the Church might practice polygamy in the present days, but hopefully with a little more dating and allowance of both spouses to chose. (Though I don’t know how I’d like it if my husband went on dates with other women….Luckily I don’t have to worry 😉 )
I thought it was good. She didn’t.

Here was my comment:

First I want to say they did disclaim that this sect is separate from the mainstream LDS religion.
Second I thought they resembled somewhat how polygamy would be if we still practiced it within the Church.
Third, they’re a break off sect of the LDS religion, of course they use The Book of Mormon. That was a major part of our religion in the early years.
Fourth I think this polygamous sect shows a hero worship of Joseph Smith, something that only until recently was widely practiced in our church. My BIL just yesterday told me how he heard more about Joseph Smith growing up than Christ; his interpretation of course.
Polygamy is an eternal commandment….It will be practiced again….I learned that in Institute. So will sacrifice and the Law of Consecration.
I was refreshed by a seeing a more normal break off sect. They were in the world but not of the world. They almost practiced the Law of Consecration in the way they helped one another. I did not agree with how they chose spouses, but still, they’re not inspired.
Really to be so critical of a polygamous sect only shows shame for our own religion’s past.
If polygamy weren’t illegal would the Church still be practicing?…I dare to say yes.
If it were to become legal might the Church practice it again?…Possibly not because of the stigma, but stigma is no reason to not practice something if God wants it.

I added the italics this time around. To be ashamed of a past because it is presently debated is to be a ashamed of the Church. To be disgusted by it shows little reverence for an eternal commandment. I feel sorrow for those sects who have broken away and will not be able to participate in the eternal glory I hope to have, or be worthy of receiving some day. Though I don’t know if I’m on any better grounds than they. I say we are all imperfect. We all like certain doctrines better than others. Get over it.