Archive for December 3rd, 2009

The path I’ve made with the burdens I carry.

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

I hate to say Jon leaving The Church is a burden, but it is. It makes things a little more difficult and life that much harder. We’ve learned to handle it and deal with it and I hope we continue to deal with it as the girls grow.

It’s been three years since I’ve known and nearly three years since Jon made it public. It’s not necessarily an anniversary I like to remember exactly to the day each year, so I just leave it at the month it happened, or the end of November. It seems funny that it happened three years ago, when three years doesn’t seem that far away. The feelings I felt three years ago have mostly faded. The anger, the hurt, the wondering if our marriage could survive such a change of heart.  It seems funny that I’m mostly OK with it, or I guess have come to terms with how things are. We’ve discussed many things since it’s happened and I’m sure will continue to discuss.

On Sunday our combined priesthood and relief society meeting dealt with helping others with their burdens because we’ve born them before, or had similar burdens. Really they were talking about unemployment or underemployment in this difficult economical times, but it took on a very different meaning that day.

Just moments before that meeting a sister had come to me to talk about dealing with a spouse leaving the church. Her husband has not been coming to church with her and he gives one excuse, not feeling comfortable in the ward, as 80% of the reason and 20% being up in the air. She worries about him leaving the church and was wondering and asking advice on how to deal with it.

Her and I don’t have a close relationship, though we have a friendly one, and for obvious reasons she was asking me for advice and solace. It was hard to give and it made me sad to hear her story, but I was happy that I could be there to help her. Luckily she has options and can take actions for him not feeling comfortable, but that 20% doubt will always be there for both her and him until things are resolved.

I hope I gave her words of advice and I hope I was able to help her, but I don’t really know and may not since they’ll be leaving the ward soon.

This is not the first time someone has asked me on how to deal with a spouses disbelief, and I wish it would be the last, but I fear it won’t.

I’m not happy for my “burdens” but I’m happy that I can help others and that Jon and I have come to some compromises. I had no one to personally turn to who had been through anything like what I was going through. I only had many friends with open ears and hearts, and that I am grateful for.

I know I have made a path for those I might meet who may have similar burdens as me. I hope it’s a path of love and compassion towards a wayward spouse and not bitterness at the betrayal, though I was very bitter for a time.  I hope others are able to see light in their marriage, even when everything seems so dark.

I know I’m also following the path of others I just haven’t encountered personally.

I hope I can follow my Savior as I walk this path and I hope I can serve others no matter the path they are on.