Archive for February, 2011


Monday, February 28th, 2011

She showed up at the school a little before 6 pm. Auditions were to start at 6, and she was there to assist and audition. She said hi to the familiar face at the desk, Trish, a fellow theater committee member, apologized for not being there sooner, then grabbed an application to fill out.

She entered a room full of high school students, with a few middle school students and some parents. She thought, “I do not want to audition with a bunch of high-schoolers.” She quickly filled out the paperwork and returned to the hallway.

When she turned in her application she told Trish that she would wait to audition. She wasn’t ready and the thought of making a fool of herself in front of the teenagers was something she’d rather pass on.

The night went by quickly and a familiar faced showed up. It was the actress who played Cinderella in the play last year. She decided she would audition with her friend, and another actor, one of the step sisters, also came. They were in a group together.

They filed in and took their seats in the front row of the high school theater and waited for their directions. It was decided they’d go in numerical order, #14 was first, her number.

She handed the young lady running the CD player her disk and walked on stage.

Her nerves were getting the better of her and she could feel her body trembling. Jokes were passed between herself and the judges as the disk was cued. “Who are you?” the director teasingly asked. She repeated her name in a halfway pretending to be extra shy way, “Uh, I’m Lacey Blake and I’ve come to audition.”

The music started, but then the CD skipped as the young lady moved the player to face her on stage. She asked if she could start it once more, since counting was the only way to know when to enter the song.

She was nervous, she probably entered too early, but it was a blur.

She knew she was not singing her best, so she focused on what seemed like a million little things, all at the same time, and tried to remember the words.
A stranger in white, in a car. Going somewhere. Going Far!…
Let your jaw drop.
Sing out.
…How it must feel to go racing wherever you please…
Make your movements look purposeful.
Listen to the music so you stay on tempo.
…Oh gods, oh gods hear my prayer!…
Wait, you can’t hear the music!
Go through this part slowly.
Don’t close your eyes so long.
…I’m here in the fields with my feet on the ground…
Use your whole body.
...And my fate in the air, waiting for life to begin!
Stopped being nervous.

The song ended in what seemed like just two seconds, but it was really one minute and ten seconds later.

Right after she finished the artistic director made a comment, “Lacey, I just want to say that was 100% better than your audition last year.” He was last years director.

She was flattered, but then the negative comments her brain automatically produce crept in, “He just said that to make you feel better, for when they don’t call you back or give you a lead.”

She watched the other women audition. She thought how wonderful they were and how they seemed to be so naturally talented. “Look how they get into their songs. They were so much better and they don’t even need voice lessons.”

She ran her hands through her hair and waited for it too all be over.

She exited quickly and found her way to her things near the desk. As she put away her CD, the other ladies exited and began talking, complimenting one another, reassuring each others egos. They didn’t notice her across the way or say anything, she thought it was because she was so bad and they didn’t want to give her any compliments out of pity.

After all the auditions were over she went into the theater. The director said, “Lacey, you actually have a very pretty voice. It’s very light and I really like that quality.” She said thank you.

Then the artistic director told her he thought she should audition for other theater groups. She found it hard to believe he meant it, but knew he wouldn’t suggest such a thing if he didn’t really mean it.

It’s hard to accept compliments after years of self doubt and deprecation. She really wants to be a better singer and performer, but she has never believed that she could be good enough, or had a nice enough voice to be a soloist. She’s always worried about making herself look like a fool by believing or acting like she had a beautiful voice, but really not having a nice one.

She’s now trying to change her thought process and her own beliefs about her voice.

It’s hard, and even though she hates to rely on others compliments, that is what’s helping her build her foundation. She can’t find her voice by herself, it takes a wonderful teacher, a supportive husband, and compliments she feels are genuine, but she is working hard and it’s developing.

So she’ll continue to sing, and maybe she will make a fool of herself, but at least she’ll be having fun, and at least a few people like her voice, and at this moment that’s all that matters.

Just two days later she was sent an e-mail and was invited to come back for callbacks. There are a lot of talented singers in the mix, so she’s finding joy in just being invited, hopefully she makes the final cut, but if not, she’ll know that she at least tried and finds comfort knowing that she’s getting better.

This won’t be the last play she auditions for.

9 years

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

Dear Jonathan,

I feel like I should write some long love note telling you how the years have been wonderful, and how happy I am to have you be the father of my children, and how cute and sexy I think you are, etc. etc. But all I have to say is, “I love you, and thanks for being married to me.”


Stellar mom moments

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

I know we all have stellar mom moments. Now this could mean you have your wonderful “I’m being an awesome mom” moments, or this could mean you’re having “the worst mother on the planet and you’re kids wished they hadn’t been born” moments.

Fortunately, I’ve been both in the past 48 hours.

Yesterday I took the girls up to play in the snow at Mt. Charleston. A friend posted she was going up and anyone was welcomed to join her family at the cabin. I thought it would be fun to play in the freshly fallen snow and of course, playing in the snow is only acceptable if you have shelter to hide in while you’re kids are outside freezing their butts off. So I took the girls, played with them a little, but for the most part let them play outside with their friends and one another. It made them happy, and it made me happy. (We borrowed some snow clothes so they were well equipped.)

Today I decided we should clean our house and by clean I mean finally have the girls clean their toys up and put them away in their proper places, rather than running out of time and shoving them to the side of their room, or letting things pile up in front of the toy shelf. I also made them fold their clothes. Yeah, they weren’t liking me. Then to top it off I made them pick up the trash outside our front drive, with my help. Oh, the inhumanity! I washed dishes, put away the stuff we took up to the cabin, washed clothes, vacuumed, cleaned off the table and counters, and swept the floors while they cleaned their stuff.

I apparently make them do everything, and do nothing myself.

A stellar mom, that’s what I am.


Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

It’s February.

I love February.

Reasons why I love February:
My wedding anniversary is in February.
Valentine’s Day is in February.
Auditions for the play are in February.

That’s pretty much it.

I am so excited to be married to Jon for nine years later this month. I really love being married to him. He’s so supportive and loving. He’s a wonderful provider and a hard worker. He also knows how to have fun, and makes sure to spend time with the girls and me. Rarely are our weekends spent at home, because he’s always wanting to go do things and enjoy family time.

While I’m not a huge Valentine’s Day person, apparently my girls are. They’ve made bags for us to put valentines in and have been hard at work filling them. Lilah keeps asking if I’ve made some for them yet, and she also keeps hinting that Girl Scout cookies would make great valentines. I really love her excitement.

Auditions for the play are coming up and I’m super excited and nervous. I know I’ll be in the play, it’s a matter of what part. I’m putting myself out there, like really out there, and I’m so nervous, but I figure I can’t succeed if I don’t try. My voice lessons are going wonderfully, I just now need to perform in front of people, so I can work on my nerves. Last week my voice teacher pulled in her husband, who is a high school choir teacher, and I was so shaky, and I sang a little too fast and I wasn’t aware of my movements as much as I should be, but overall I didn’t do as bad as I thought I would. Now to find some unsuspecting people and sing their ears off.