Thoughts in the night.

Last night Eden was having a rough time sleeping so I brought her into rest with me while I held her. For those moments awake I had a lot of thoughts go through my mind. I don’t remember exactly all of them, but two stuck out.
The first thought. I have a lot of dreams. Now this sounds good, but my dreams all require money. Buying a new car, redoing the counter tops in the kitchen, redoing the girls bathroom almost completely ( we’ve already bought a new toilet so that’s the one thing that doesn’t need to be done). Then there’s painting the inside of my house and buying a new mattress Jon and I both agree on. Plus maybe some real furniture for the girls and our room. (like new dressers :)) Plus I want diamond earrings and my mom wants to sell me her $3,000 quilting/embroidery sewing machine for a small fee each month, (She’s getting a new one that’s worth about $9,000 for around $4,000). Plus I just like shopping in general. Then there’s paying off the smaller mortgage. Well paying off the mortgage company. (We’ve used about 14,000 in student loans to pay it off, which will start being due this July, but $10,000 is at the low rate of just 2.8 %).
So the main dilemma is the car. I’ve made a deal that we will not buy a car until the small mortgage is paid off. Which looks to be about December if nothing major comes up. The problem being I want to do around $1,500 in remodeling which will then make it more around March of next year. 🙁
My thought is to do this nanny service my sister does. Well babysitting is what I would do, about once or twice a week.They cater to the hotels and wealthy families in town. The problem being is while filling out the application I felt so under qualified because I have no professional training and haven’t worked for nearly 4 years. I’m very qualified by life experience, I am a mom, but they want employment for the past 10 years and references that have known me for five. (Amber you’ll probably be one 😉 ). I worry about not getting the job because who will want a stay at home mom to babysit, though I do have a college degree.
I guess it’s just a little scary entering a work type field and filling out an application when you haven’t worked for so long. I’m tempted not to do it just out of feeling incompetent. (I know I can do it, it’s will they hire me with just the life experience of taking care of my own children.) I’m glad that I don’t have to do this job. Really it’s just so I can fund these extras. Which also brings me to the next dilemma, should I be worried about these extras or should I be happy that we are happy and fed with a roof over our heads? I guess I also want to enjoy these extras while we’re here, not 6 months before we leave because we’re thinking about selling and they’ll help sell the house.
I guess it’s also “Do I mind having the mortgage debt while having a car?” One reason I want the mortgage to go away is so I can get a slightly nicer car then if we had the mortgage. I feel a little greedy but I also feel that working one night a week is okay. I went to school twice a week during my schooling, and once even three times a week when I was pregnant with Eden.
So there’s my dilemma. I’m too scared to fill out a job application for fear of being rejected because I haven’t worked in so long. Then I also worry about working for the wrong reasons.
I really want a nicer kitchen and bathroom, and I really want a car by next year. I’ve made lots of sacrifices and I feel that this is an okay one for my family.
We’re told so often that having the mom work is terrible. Though plenty of Mormon moms do things like home businesses, so I feel that this is okay. I work and come home. Or I don’t work that night if they don’t need me. Rather then I work and do party or show and have to continue to work while at home doing phone calls and everything else that come with home businesses. Lots of moms do those jobs for their extra money or to do their hobbies. This money is for myself. I really want a new guest bathroom and a nicer kitchen. So my family benefits as well. 🙂

One Response to “Thoughts in the night.”

  1. Is It Naptime Yet » Blog Archive » I’m so excited!!! Says:

    […] so excited!!! A while back I applied online for a nanny/ babysitting job. Well their online application process is a little screwy and didn’t work so I was needing to […]