So Facebook has connected me with a lot of friends I went to school with. Some I’ve known since elementary, most are from my junior high and high school years.

Recently one friend on Facebook did a status update about learning to do pap smears.


Someone I went to high school, and junior high, with is becoming a obstetrician and could deliver my next child? Hypothetically speaking of course, since their may or may not be another child shooting from me in the future and she’d have to move to Las Vegas, which is a Hell Hole for many obstetricians.

It’s crazy to see what people I went to school with, and are my age, are becoming. It’s kinda scary too. A couple are on their way to becoming doctors, then we have some lawyers, an astrophysicist and lots of other highly intelligent careers. Some are mothers like me, while many have become teachers and may or may not be parents also.

Plus, the new registrar for UNLV is around Jon’s age. (I secretly would love for Jon to become the registrar, but mostly for the money. There’s way too many politics and managing of other people for his taste.)

For the most part I am very, very happy. I have been for most of our marriage. I find that I am now becoming a little more selfish since I didn’t have that single and selfish stage of life where I got to do whatever I wanted. Jon is also supportive of this selfish time and if he could he would allow me to go on some fancy vacation far away, but alas we’re too money conscious and I would feel bad being that selfish.

I’m a mom. I’m happy to be a mom. I also have a degree. Something I’m very proud of. I didn’t get married and then neglect my education just because I knew I would be a stay-at-home-mom. Truth be told I continued school after being married and having Lilah because I didn’t want to be some Mormon girl who got married at 18, dropped out of college for no good reason, and started pumping out the kids. I did get married at 18 and I did start pumping out the kids so I wanted my education to prove I was more than my marriage and more than just a mother. I know it sounds harsh and I know I’ll offend some people by what I just wrote, but that was truthfully one of my driving forces behind continuing my degree, especially since I was so young and naive when I got married. I wanted to show that I had something going for me if I ever needed it.

That train of thought only kept me in school for so long, then it became more that I wanted to finish my degree because I truthfully loved school and I wanted to be an example for my kids.  I try not to judge other people on how high of an education they have, whether they had their kids at 20 or 40 or none at all. I did what I thought was best for me and my family, and it happened to be for me to finish my education.

I am secretly grateful that I’m not having more kids right now so I can do things like be in a play and go hang out with friends without being the pregnant or nursing mother. I am a mother, but being pregnant or nursing is just not right for me personally at this time. I think I need this me time, it’s selfish according to the plan but I am enjoying it.

At one time I thought I would be a nursing or pregnant mother for the whole of my 20’s, so I’m just embracing my life and what I can do with it.

But I find that I’m not satisfied with all I am. Jon sent me this link of two women trying something they always wanted to try in their late 30’s, though they may be 40. I joked that he wanted me to become some hot blonde that played the guitar.

I have some dreams.  I’m mostly to shy to act fully upon any of them, but I think it’s amazing what these women did. No doubt because I want to be an age appropriate hot mama and able to sing and maybe play an instrument.

I want the courage to reinvent myself.

I think it’s amazing that some of my old class mates are doing wonderfully challenging things.

I think it’s amazing that as a whole I am so happy being a mom to my two girls.

I think I need to get off my duff and make a some what sexy music video for Jon when he turns 40.

Heck, I’ve got 6 years, I think I’ll go wallow in my inabilities a little longer.

Here’s the video of the two SAHM’s who decided to learn to sing and to play an insturment. Click on it to read what Todd’s wife has to say about it.

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