Is It Naptime Yet

I’ve taught three Gospel Essential lessons since being put in a month or so ago.

My first lesson was on the Holy Ghost. It went OK. We had some good discussion and some not so good, very off the topic, discussion. I actually ended early because a woman was going on about things that weren’t bad, but they were not about the Holy Ghost and I wanted to try to ended before everyone forgot what we were discussing in the first place.

It can be hard to get back on topic in any class when someone decides to go on a rant or rambling. It’s especially hard in Gospel Essentials because a you don’t want to offend someone who is investigating or just coming back or anyone at all, but you don’t want to let the class discuss off the subject topics that are not enriching. There are times that I feel it’s fine to discuss what is brought up, but other times it’s hard when an individual goes on about things that are important to them, but not important to any gospel topic. I think this is what I like least about teaching this class.

The next lesson, or last week, went OK too. I was a little nervous since I didn’t know the material. I had only read the lesson a few times during the week and prepared it Saturday night, after Lilah’s party. I hate preparing lessons on Saturday. I have so little time to revise and read over it, but I was too distracted with the birthday party and I hate preparing it too early, because it’s often not any more helpful than waiting last minute because I prepared it so far in advance I don’t remember it anyways.

Today was my third time teaching, I was prepared and things went smoothly. I ended a few minutes early, but it was because I had nothing else to discuss or say. I go with the philosophy that it’s better to end when you’re out of material rather than ramble on to take up time.

I’m happy to have a break from teaching. I taught since it was the fifth Sunday and Amy, the other teacher, taught an extra week  to get us on schedule. (I teach the second and forth Sunday, she teaches the first and third and we’ll alternate fifth Sundays.)

Teaching is wonderful and I enjoy it, but it can be hard for me to gear up mentally and prepare to teach each week.

Last week one of the counselors in the bishopric started talking to me in the hallway. I expected him to ask me to meet with him, since he had mentioned giving me a calling to Jon but Jon told him to just talk to me, instead he asked if I would be a teacher for the Sunday School and teach Gospel Essentials. I was caught off guard for a couple of reasons. One, it was in the hallway. Two, a sister in our ward was just called to be the Gospel Essentials teacher that day.
Our conversation went similar to this:

me: Gospel Essentials? Are you sure sister Burns was just called to that today?
him: Well, we’re thinking of having you team teach.
Subconsciously I respond with a slight frown because you don’t meet many people in Gospel Essentials and I really wanted a calling that would help me meet more people.
Him: Would you rather teach something else?
me: Well, I enjoy teaching Gospel Doctrine, but I can teach Essentials.
Another man in the ward: You know Sis. Koch could use some relief as Gospel Doctrine teacher.

It was just strange. He left knowing I would prefer teaching Gospel Doctrine and as I sat in class I felt really bad.

I had negotiated my calling.

I couldn’t find that counselor after class, but I found the other counselor and told him what happened. I let him know that I hadn’t meant to negotiate my calling, I was just a little confused at first, and that I’d be willing to teach Gospel Essentials.

Today I was called as Gospel Essentials teacher and another brethren was called as Gospel Doctrine teacher.

The girls have had runny noses and weren’t fit to interact with kids so we decided to go to the Unitarian Universalist Church of Las Vegas today. I promised Jon we could go later this month, but today seemed as good as any, plus they won’t miss two Sunday’s this month. We kept them with us the full service, even though they read a children’s story to the kids and congregation before the children were dismissed for their class, but mostly because they were sick and to let them get use to the idea of this new place. (Lilah was very negative at first, but she decided she liked it as we got settled. I think she liked having a name tag.)

Jon says he’s still deciding whether the UUCLV will fulfill the needs he’s looking for, so I guess we’ll kinda be deciding as a family as we continue to go once a month.

I’ve agreed to going once a month thus far even  though he would like to attend 50/50 for each church. They start at 10 and our church is from 9-12, and I’m wanting Lilah to be able to participate  as fully in Primary as possible. Next Year when we go to the 11 o’clock schedule I’m willing to let them go twice a month, and miss sacrament twice a month but still go to Primary each Sunday, I figure 4 hours of church would be too much but I’m wanting to allow Jon a little more time with them if he chooses this to be the community he wants to be a part of.

I’m not ready for 50/50 and I admit I am pulling the ‘you decided this and I didn’t and I want my children to go to my church more’ card in a way. I’m trying to be open minded, but the thought of only attending twice a month to my church, and three times when there is a fifth Sunday, is too much for me to handle. He wants them to have an alternative community so they’re not just choosing to be Mormon because that’s what they’re more fully involved in and know. I want them to be exposed but still mostly apart of my faith, the faith I’ve always planned on teaching them.

Some might wonder why I’m even willing to let my children participate in two faiths. One reason is the UUCLV isn’t really a specific faith dominated religion, but one that explores many faith’s and discusses good values.
Two, is if I expect my husband to support me I need to support him and I don’t want my children to feel that they’re choosing sides, or choosing parents when they decide to become or not become one of our faiths.

You might wonder why I stay in the situation and not just leave.

While talking with a friend about what makes a marriage worth it, we talked about being happy or having the same faith. Some people have the same faith and are not happy at all and then you have those with different beliefs but are happy.

I am happily married.

I admit I am having difficulty with the idea of letting my children have two faith communities, but in reality I don’t feel making them attend my faith will guarantee them to choose it. I know plenty of  faithful Mormon families whose children have chosen a different faith, including within my own. I also know families of parents with different faiths whose children have decided to be Mormon.

I do want my children to choose the LDS faith because they want to and not because it’s all they know.
All I can do is try to be an example and to show love to them throughout their turbulent time of deciding what is true for them.

I say true for them because what is truth for me is not truth to you, though we may have some commonalities.

Today went well and I’m sure Lilah liked it in part for the light food that was served afterwards.

I’m interested in being apart of the community for activities so they can get to know our family and we can get to know them.

So Lilah is sick today.
She has a fever.
Go figure.
I could have gone to church, but for whatever reason I felt I should be home today. (I guess it was the fact that Lilah wanted to stay and cuddle in bed with me rather than watch TV and I wanted to stay and cuddle with her rather than get up.)
I’m letting Jon visit the Unitarian Church today.
It just seems easier to have it happen on a day where I don’t have to explain why my husband isn’t at church with me and my two daughters, though I wouldn’t of had either of my daughters with me today and he if he likes the church I’ll probably have to say it eventually since he’ll be going at least once a month.
Eden is not sick, but she still has a horrible sounding cough and since Lilah is sick and it just happened last night, I felt that she’d be likely to spread her sisters germs.

How many Sundays till you’re considered inactive?

Sunday was our second Sunday in our new ward.

Eden has been sick so we decided to not take her to nursery. We all went to the ward party the night before since she wouldn’t be playing with people or toys that would kept her germs, but Sunday she came into us with a fever so even Jon had to postpone his plans of going to the local Unitarian church. (Since she wouldn’t be playing with kids we thought it would be fine if they just went together and she only had a runny nose and cough until the fever came on Sunday. )

Lilah and I got to church a little late and the chapel was packed, and for some reason they weren’t opening the overflow. Lilah was pretty well behaved, but she suddenly got tired at the end of sacrament meeting.
I took her to Primary and waited for her teacher to get there.

And I waited.

One of the boys in her class is pretty, uh, busy so the Primary President asked if I would sit with the class since I was waiting in case a substitute came that Lilah didn’t know or hadn’t met which is very likely in this case.

No one came.

Sister Pooler, the President, voiced her concern and later asked if I would teach the class.
Sure why not.

So I looked through the lesson and prepared with what materials I could get.
Lilah was excited to have me as her teacher and the other kids were very nice.

The class went fast and I finished very early. I tried to sing songs but I just didn’t know what to do with these kids.
We’d colored, sang and even ate a few crackers I had for Lilah.
So we got to closing exercises five minutes early and sat in the back.
Lilah wanted to sit on my lap. “No one will get jealous.” is what she told me, but I insisted that she didn’t.
The boy who I explained as being busy before was very touchy and lovey.
He sat next to me and wanted to constantly hug me if they weren’t singing or lay his head on my lap and eventually he was trying to kiss my cheek or hand, or anything he could get his lips on.
I kept telling him no, but I’m pretty sure he has some sort of slight mental disability and was very persistent.
I was fine with him, but was mostly curving the behavior because it’s inappropriate to me, especially at church during Primary and towards a person you just met.
(When I was going to class the Presidency told me they could come and get him if he became a problem, but he was OK in class. I just had to give him periodic hugs.)

So I have yet to attend Sunday school. I’m not even sure what room it’s in.

I did met the woman who sat in front of us during Sacrament. Her son, about 6-8 months old, would smile at us and loved Lilah’s bow. Her husband, the first counselor in Elders Quorum, spoke and she had a hard time keeping their son quiet. He was noisy when he was happy and noisy when he was sad. They look like a cute family, and it reminded me how grateful I am for girls that are quiet.

Maybe I’ll get to go to Sunday school this week.

I was at my parents house tonight when I heard the news that our beloved Prophet Gorden B. Hinckley had died.

I wasn’t sad, but I was saddened.

He is the second prophet that I have any real memory of. The first being the President Howard W. Hunter, who served for a brief 9 months.

He accomplished so much and was such a loving prophet to the church.

I believe he truly was a man of God.

Farewell President Hinckley you will not soon be forgotten by the saints.

Released from LDS headquarters. More at this site.

President Gordon B. Hinckley, who led The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through twelve years of global expansion, has died at the age of 97.

President Hinckley was the 15th president in the 177-year history of the Church and had served as its president since 12 March 1995.

The Church president died at his apartment in downtown Salt Lake City at 7:00 p.m. Sunday night from causes incident to age. Members of his family were at his bedside. A successor is not expected to be formally chosen by the Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles until after President Hinckley’s funeral within the next few days.

To ease the transition of going to a new ward I set up a meeting with Lilah’s teacher.
It was suppose to have been Thursday night, but she got busy at work and we rescheduled for Saturday. I baked cookies with the girls for us to bring, so Lilah would have a reason to go and feel excited. It somewhat worked.
She’s a single  sister who is just a few years younger than me. We talked for a long time but it was mostly her mom and I who did the talking. Lilah complained that we talked for too long. She did enjoy her cats and told Jon how many pets she had. ( “Two cats and a dog which makes three pets.” Lilah’s learning simple addition, kinda, she knows 2 +1= 3.  Though they must have talked about the pets at church because Lilah informed us today that she has three cats, but one doesn’t like people.)

So today we got up and went to church. They had the new people stand for a brief moment in sacrament. That was fun, Jon stayed seated with Lilah.
We took Lilah to Primary and she was definitely uncomfortable. She teared up a little and I desperately wanted to stay, but I knew that I would cry if she continued to cry and that she would just continue to cry rather then just get over it. I’m not sure if it’s the best way to go about it, but I figure the sooner she gains her independence the better.
Her teacher said she did really well and one of the leaders said she sang all the songs. Lilah is getting use to the idea of change and mentioned that she was there to help Britta.
I’m hoping next week is better for her.

Eden had no problem with going into the new nursery. Even though there were a couple crying kids when we got there she just went in and looked for something to play with. I would have left but there were some twins that were crying and the two nursery leaders looked like they needed help. Since I sat behind them in sacrament one twin wanted cuddles from me and the other still cried but allowed me to hold her. I worried about being able to go to Relief Society, but the parents came in and got them after Sunday school. The mom said she had some problem and could never stay for the whole block. I felt for the girls because they were just starting to play and get use to nursery and then they had to leave.
On an up note Jon said the older woman in nursery said Eden was delightful when he picked her up.

So I went to Relief Society. I sat behind another sister from the old ward and settled in.
For whatever reason I got sad during the opening song and cried a little. I was able to pull myself mostly together while they had every sister introduce themselves and give one or two facts.
Mine was: I’m a crybaby (since I started to well up right as I stood up.) and I received my degree in Psychology about a year ago and I just use to it mess with my children’s heads  since I stay home with my 4 and 2 year old.
The women got a chuckle and one woman said she also had a degree in Psychology and liked my use, or reason for it.

The rest of the class went fine.
We have a ward party this Saturday and I’m debating whether to go or not. It will somewhat depend on how I feel and if I feel like cooking more food than normal since it’s a potluck.
We also have family home evening this Sunday so that makes two potlucks in a row.

So today they changed our ward boundaries.
I’m so sad.
It was a meeting for four wards and now we are three.
Half of my ward was combined with another ward.
Then the remaining part of my ward was put into the other two wards.
I am so sad.
Only a handful of my ward  was put into the ward I’m now in. I’m separated from all but one of the mom’s in my former ward, Sam, which I still like, but it still stinks.
Lilah will have to start over completely, which I wasn’t too surprised about, but we’ll even have to go to a new building.  She already doesn’t want to go church.
I don’t have the Jewitt’s in my ward which totally crushes me. I cried off and on for the rest of the meeting when I saw that.In which I still plan on using them for babysitting and going to Beth for homeschooling advice, they won’t get rid of me so easily.
I hate moving. When we moved two years ago I was a mess going to church our first Sunday. Of course I had Eden the Monday after but I worry about fitting in and finding friends or people I like.
It mostly sucks because we’ll only know a handful of people and I’m pretty shy when starting out, plus we’re back to going at 9:00 am and Jon plans on going to a local Unitarian church which meets at 10 am, though he’ll only go every other week or so if he likes it, which would have been fine since we were suppose to be at 11 am this year. So I’m not sure how we’re gonna swing that.
We’re going to try to continue our mother’s group, but now none of the women have keys, unless someone is immediately put into a presidency and we’d still need to run it by the bishop of that building and figure things out.
This really sucks.
I really loved the Coronado Hills Ward.

Pictures to come later. This is my long journal entry of what happened this Christmas.

We spent Christmas Eve at my parents house.
It’s tradition to read the Christmas story from the book of Luke in the Bible and to open one gift with my family.
Since we only had my parents to visit on Christmas day, Jon’s family is having a celebration later this week, I talked Jon into driving out there for the 24th. We also only had about 4 gifts for each of the girls to open, so I thought it would work out better to go there and open a gift from Grandma and Grandpa Harvey.

We got there around 5:45 pm and I did some tidying up. I wasn’t aware my mom had to work till 6.
Carolyn and Derek showed up later and eventually we had dinner.
Lilah was super silly during dinner, it was chili which is not on her list of favorite foods, so she didn’t really eat until everyone was down from the table and I had set the timer. The timer being my way of saying dinner is done when the timer goes off and if you’ve played too much and haven’t finished you are done eating for the night, which means no dessert.
I was a little soft and since Lilah only had one bite left, and had been trying to devour her food after everyone had left the table, I let her have a brownie even though she wasn’t done eating when the timer went off.
My mom hadn’t wrapped any gifts due to being super busy with work and having my Aunt Roscena, who has cerebral palsy, in town so we opened gifts from Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Derek, the sibling who had us this year.
The girls got some needed clothing and they gave Jon and I DVDs that we had wanted.

We eventually got home to set up the stockings and got ready for bed.
Jon told a short story about St. Nicolas before we put the girls to bed.

I put out the gifts and Jon was asleep on the couch by the time I was going to fill the stockings.
I asked him to move and he replied “Don’t you just have to lay them out?’
As in, “Why do I have to move if I can just lay them out when I go to bed later.”
So I filled them and set them aside and also fell asleep on the couch.

When we went to bed later we put the child’s gate up in the hallway to ensure the girls would get us before opening any gifts. (Lilah could probably climb the gate if she wanted, but she’s pretty good at not doing things like that.)

Jon was the first awake, like always, and Eden woke up a little before 7 am.
Instead of staying in bed and keeping me awake I sent her with Jon while he cooked the orange rolls for breakfast.

Jon said Eden was excited to see the stockings but didn’t care about the presents and wanted to immediately play with play dough.

Lilah woke up sometime later, long enough that the orange rolls were now finished baking.
We had them wait at the gate together until we took pictures and then let them into the living room.

Eden was now excited and tried to open any gift she could get her hands on. She did usually ask if it was hers before opening it, but we had to take a couple away because she was already removing the bows.

Lilah opened her gift from Eden first because she recognized it and she had Eden do the same.

I did label one gift from Santa. It was the DVD Ratatouille. Lilah kept saying how nice Santa was for giving us the movie.
Jon asked why Santa got all the credit.

I opened my gift last. I only had one under the tree so I wanted to wait.
It was pots and pans, we needed a new set and it was above our budget for gifts for one another. (We don’t spend a lot on gifts for one another, usually less than one hundred dollars each.)
I asked if I got another gift since the pans were kinda for the family but Jon never answered me.

As I was cleaning up from the huge mess of wrapping paper and gifts Jon was taking a video.
He mentioned there was one more gift under the tree that mommy had missed. (I had actually picked up paper right by it and didn’t notice it. )
I saw it was the size of a DVD and I was excited.
I tore the paper off like a child and it was exactly the one DVD I really wanted. BBC’s North and South. (It’s such a good movie.)
Jon had hidden the gift far under the tree and later decided to make it visible so I could find it and open it.

Jon told me today how he intentionally ignored my question when I asked if I got something else, we were watching the video today. I knew the pans were expensive, at least for our Christmas budget, so I felt a little bad wanting something else, but it was just pans and it wasn’t like I had asked or begged for them, I just had them on my wish list for the day we were ready to buy new pans.
Jon said he got me the DVD so I didn’t just get pans because that seems a little well, not nice from a housewife perspective, though I would have been happy with just the pans, but I was very happy to get the DVD also.

After the morning we eventually headed over to my parents house to spend time with them and open presents.

I watched Derek, Carolyn’s husband, open his gift and I noticed it was a Beatles CD. This was odd to me because I told my mom to get a Beatles CD for us. It was ironically the one CD he doesn’t have of theirs, or Let it Be.
Later we found out mom had mixed the gifts. Derek was to get a Roy Orbison DVD, something from his wish list and we were to get the Beatles CD.
It’s becoming pretty normal for my mom to mix gifts up. Last year Eden got MASH the entire series on DVD. It was really for my brother and obviously not a gift for a one and a half year old. My mom mentioned how she wondered where that gift went when she realized Glenn hadn’t opened it that morning and yes, we gave it to my brother.

We also now have two of these pigs.
After I really looked at it on Amazon I thought it was more age appropriate for Eden so we gave Eden the pig and got Lilah a V-tech laptop for kids, though I knew Lilah would still be entertained by the pig.
My mom also saw it on my wish list, before I took it off since I bought it, and she got it for Lilah.
Jon couldn’t resist Lilah’s sad eyes and said we could have two when I mentioned we could return it. (That is the one bad thing about the wish list. I’ll put things I intend to get for the girls, but haven’t decided on, or I put it on to remind me what to get them and someone else gets the same thing. One year Lilah got two doodle-pros.)

So I now hear, “Mommy Eden’s stealing my coins”, because Eden wants all the coins and then we all have to count them out, Eden wouldn’t dare trust Lilah’s counting. I’m thinking of putting an E for Eden on the pig and coins and an L for Lilah’s, but that will ruin a toy that we will likely give away sometime because I’m sure we won’t need two forever.

We also got our block for my cutco knives, but my mom got a block that holds 8 knives and two different fork things, instead of 6 knives and just the one turning fork. (She mixed up the names.) So we now need 4 pieces instead of just one knife. So over the next year we’re looking at purchasing some knives and I will have empty slots in the block until we do so. I just really love the knives.

The girls most played with gift thus far is actually a doll house Jon’s brother Conrad made. Well, it looks homemade and he does different projects to help with his Parkinson’s disease, such as cross stitching, so we imagine he made it also.

Jon got books, a pocket microscope, and Monkey balls, which are two very powerful magnets that make interesting noises when played with.
With the pocket microscope we’ve found the security number that is engraved on my diamond in my engagement ring and we’ve looked at hairs and open cuts we have, such as paper cuts. Jon’s also had Lilah look at salt and different things like leaves, rocks and chalk. It’s provided hours of fun already.

For today, the 26th or the day after Christmas, I have purged myself of old pots and am trying to convince Jon to get rid of one of our knife sets. (He really only likes the chef’s knife and it won’t fit in the block we’re keeping chef’s knife slot, if that makes sense.)
We’ve also watched more movies and let Lilah freeze her hands while she was outside writing with sidewalk chalk she received and was digging in the dirt. She now has a jar full of dirt that would be a good home for pet worms, according to her anyways.

Yesterday was busy so I wasn’t able to write about this until today.

A year from yesterday Jon announced his disbelief in God.
I remember my heart breaking and the sadness I had.
A lot has happened in the past year but in some ways very little.
I’ve realized I can survived a marital crisis.
I’ve realized that a spouse changing beliefs is not the end of the world.
I’ve realized how much my family loves me and my husband.
I’ve realized I am strong and that going to the temple alone is not lonely if you go with other relief society sisters.

I still long for a supportive husband that can teach the Gospel by my side, but I am happy that Jon is happy and is being himself.

So it’s been a year. I’m still married and still in love with my husband.