Last night I was watching Desperate Housewives. I’m not really sure why I started watching this show, but I find it a little interesting and frustrating. Frustrating because it is so not real, but it’s really not suppose to be. Interesting because of the crazy story lines. Anyways at the end of last night’s episode. The blonde mom of three boys goes to drop off a cake to the neighbor who saved her life. One of her boys came with her because he’s too afraid to leave her side. Well the boy starts playing with this toy train in the house and it leads to a basement full of toys and a pinball machine, things like that. When I saw this I said to Jon he was a child predator. Then the mom finds a corner of pictures of topless boys. One thing wrong was the boys were of very different ages. I’m pretty sure I saw teenagers and then young boys of the age of ten or so, this is inaccurate of child predators. They usually have a specific age range of a certain sex that they like, though they may cross over to the other sex and they may molest someone of a different age if the opportunity arises, but most child pedophiles have an ideal victim type (IVT) and they do not vary much from this. Anyways, a while ago Amber asked for any pointers, since she is a mother of all girls, when I mention that I was learning a few tips about child predators in my CRJ class of sex crimes. So here are some things to watch for, many of them I think are already common knowledge, but some of them might give you insight.
First I want to separate pedophile from child molester. A pedophile is someone attracted to children. I would compare them to a homosexual. This is their attraction, but just because they are attracted to children does not mean they molest children. A child molester is a person who sexually abuses a child, but they may not be sexually attracted to children, it may be out of opportunity or vengeance. I say this because I feel that pedophiles are mentally imbalanced and it’s just who they are. I don’t agree with homosexuality or pedophilia, but this is more the way a person’s thinks, rather then how they act. I do feel for them because they honestly are attracted to children, but that does not mean I agree or condone their behavior. So a pedophile does not mean they molest children and a molester does not have to be a pedophile.
That said here are traits of child pedophiles that abuse children. Their are two kinds of child pedophiles, those who seduce the child and those who are predators. The predators are strangers who take and abuse random children. For these there’s not much to do except warn your children about strangers and to let them know to make as big of a scene and run away if possible if someone tries to abduct them. These are the less common of child pedophiles.
Seducers seduce your children. They are most often married men, though not always, and can be of any age or intelligence, and are often very intelligent. They often try to work with children in the age range of their IVT. They can be doctors, lawyers, teachers, coaches, or neighbors. This of course does not mean any man in these jobs are child predators, but don’t think child predators fit any particular stereotype of being dumb or a social misfit.
Often they will prey on children who are longing for attention, these are the most susceptible children, but it really doesn’t matter.
One thing abuser do is groom a child. They give gifts, or money, and befriend the child. If your child has new toys that you didn’t buy, find out who did. If it’s from one particular person and there is no apparent reason, like teachers often give small rewards, but if it’s expensive be suspicious. If the child won’t tell you who the gift is from because it’s a secret they are probably being groomed and possibly have already been molested.
Secretiveness is the next thing. The abuser will tell the child not to tell anyone of the abuse and to keep it a secret. “It’s our secret game.” Try to communicate with your child that anyone who tell them to keep secrets is not a friend and is someone they should beware of. Remember that the abuse is often enjoyable for the child. They are sexual beings and the pedophile is attracted to this.
Sometimes the pedophile will use negative inducers. Inducers are basically anything to keep the child from telling about the abuse, toys, or possibly threats. Threats are usually not used unless the predator or child is trying to break off the relationship, though they might be used if the child does not want to be abused. Earlier I said a child predator usually likes children of a certain age range. Once they get too old the abuser will break it off. Sometimes the child does not like this because they are used to getting gifts and often the abuse is enjoyable to the child. So the predator will use threats, such as killing a family pet or even member to keep the child quiet.
We haven’t talked too much about traits that children have if they are being abused, because the class isn’t about that, though I think I’ll try to find a good book which covers that.
So Here’s a list:
Traits child predators have:
1. Around and like children in which they show a higher than normal interest in children. If they’d rather play with your children every time they’re around them and have a tendency to have physical play, they might be a a pedophile or a child molester.
2. They give gifts and money to groom and induce the child into the abuse.
3. They are intelligent, they can be in any occupation but can also be found in occupations with children. They are often photographers or have this hobby.
(My professor told a story of a former cop attending his granddaughters soccer game. The girls wore little skirts with shorts or bloomers underneath. He noticed a gentlemen that seemed to be taking pictures when the girls fell and the skirts came up. He started a conversation with the man and at one point the man said how cute it was when the girls fall and their skirts come up. The photographer had no children there. This is a trait of a child predator, or pedophile because he was taking obscene photos of the girls. Focusing on the genitals or chest area of a child, even clothed, is considered obscene. If you have children in a sport where their are spectators, watch the crowd for someone who is not a parent with no legit reason of being there taking pictures. In this case since the grandfather was a cop he got the license plate and they were able to get warrant and prove that he was collecting children pornography and was taking obscene photos of children.)
4. They are often male and married. (We haven’t gotten or covered much about women who abuse.)
5. Predators often have other paraphilias. They might test the water by exposing themselves to a child (exhibitionism) or making obscene jesters or phone calls to the child (scatophilia).
6. Collect child and adult erotica, or pornography.
7. Talk to a child like they would a lover or spouse.
8. Have an ideal age for their victims.
Of course their are so many other kinds of child abuse, interfamlia, sexually indiscriminate, or those who have sex with children just because they are sexually experimental, and others. I might cover interfamlia on another day, because that is really the only other one that you would see specific traits. The other abuse of children are mostly because of opportunity.
Truly you can’t protect your children from each kind of predator but beware of men who are overly friendly or helpful. Often the abuser becomes friends with the parents, in which the child knows the abuser and when the abuser has a moment alone with the child, they abuse them. Single moms are especially prey to this.
Like I said most traits and things are common sense and of course not everyone who has one or two traits will abuse your child. It’s a combination and accumulation of many. I would most be aware of gifts, secrets, and if any adult who only wants the company of your child, an not other adults. Child abusers do enjoy the company of other child abusers though. Some of the other traits you may not be able to observe, unless you accidentally find child porn in their house or car and that is an obvious sign. You can also do background checks, if they’ve been sighted doing exhibitionism to children I would beware, or even if they have tremendously bad credit. This could be a sign of giving gifts to children because they often have multiple victims at once and that can get costly.
We have rules of no male babysitters. One to protect our girls, another is we don’t want to pick and chose. There might be one teenage boy, or adult male, we fell comfortable with and another whom we don’t. I don’t want to pick and chose. We do let grandpa babysit but that’s the only male. We allow married couples, and even with that I’m careful to have those I trust. I chose couples that I believe wouldn’t leave the husband alone with my children, or have him do the inappropriate things of taking care of the girls. Such as Lilah needs help wiping her bottom when she poops. If a man wanted to help, I would beware and never let him watch my children. I don’t mind a man changing Eden’s diaper, but as she gets older I am weary of who does it.
It’s hard because I don’t want to suspect everyone, but at the same time I need to suspect everyone. Lilah isn’t in any sports or dance classes so I don’t worry about that yet. I know there are many male gymnastics teachers, in which I would not let her take one with a male teacher because of the close body contact that they sometimes have with training. Soccer I might do, but even that I’m not sure if I would leave her alone at practice. It’s a hard world and to tell you the truth I think their are even more crazies out there. I hate thinking everyone is guilty, but if you find offense to my over protectiveness, then I don’t think you understand how dangerous the world really is.
