Is It Naptime Yet

I’ve been sitting at the computer a lot lately, hoping there was something interesting to read, but mostly the blogs trickle in and Facebook only amuses for so long. Then I thought, hey why don’t I write something since I haven’t really written about what’s going on in our life lately. Not that it will be super interesting, but at least it’s then documented.

The top priority is homeschooling. It encompasses so much, but at the same time it does not fill a lot of our time. I’ve been mostly good about homeschooling on the days I’ve had planned, but I have had hang ups when we’ve been sick, or when I get the drive to do something other than home school. Like Friday I had to make strawberries as a thank you to the family who let us use their house for Eden’s party. I had yet to do something for them because they were out of town the Friday I made them for Jon’s co-workers. So instead of home school we gave thanks to someone for their kindness, even if the girls may not have gotten that’s what we were doing with all the running around to buy strawberries, toothpicks and boxes to put the berries in. Then they each got $1 while there just for the heck of it from Carolyn’s boss.  I saw it as an off day, but I just shrug it off. I’m still getting into formally homeschooling a few days a week and baby steps is all I have planned. I know that I’m still doing better than what I did last year and I know I’m seeing progress. (Eden’s read the first 5 Bob books of the first set and Lilah is trying to improve her spelling skills all on her own, even if she doesn’t like the actual act of writing too much.)

I admit I’m still easing into the fact that four out of the five days of my week I’m devoted to school. I can run errands or make appointments for the mornings, but overall I try to just stay home ’cause it’s easier that way.

I’m also having a hard time with being home and not wanting to clean more than I have to. I’m hitting a wall in a few areas of my life. I want a clean organized home, but I don’t want to put forth the effort. I want to lose just a little bit of weight but I don’t want to work out or stop eating sweets. I want things to occupy my time, but I find little that interests me.

I’m just in one of my slumps, but it’s not a complete slump. I still feel good about homeschooling the girls and I still want to do things, I just don’t want to do everything and for some reason I just want to veg at night and not sew even if a really cute apron is just waiting to be cut out and sewn and a couple of bags.

I suppose home school is seen more as a necessity to me right now, kinda like the dishes. I have to have something to eat off of or cook with and I have to home school my children. It’s what I’m suppose to do to have my house run on the bare minimum.

It’s strange how you don’t realize you have a problem or are feeling a little less yourself until your write about it or talk to someone. I suppose I knew I was avoiding things, but at the same time, my avoidance is so second nature that it seems normal. I’m either too busy to do something or I’m avoiding it. The too busy times makes the things I’m neglecting normal to avoid, if that makes sense.

I wish there was some answer for continual motivation, or maybe a pill. I’d definitely buy that.

Each year we have an invasion of ants. It’s not fun and I was just thinking, “Hey we haven’t had any ants, good thing because I don’t have time to clean every part of my house.” that’s why it looks the way it does and why they were attracted to the crumbs and very old banana chip underneath my couch.

This evening Jon said how he’s had a couple of ant crawl on him. I immediately knew to pull the couch out from the wall. It’s against an outside wall, and the spot we had ants coming from 4 years ago when we moved in. I was nursing Eden on the couch at like 3 am and felt something crawling on me. I swiped it away and then I felt another one and looked down to see an ant in the dim light crawling up my arm and on the burp cloth. They loved the breast milk apparently and the crumbs in the couch. With Eden being just a  few weeks old we tried to avoid having a bug man come and spray. In the end I relented because they were everywhere. The girls room, my kitchen, and the living room. I was going crazy fighting them by mopping and vacuuming them up and then after I had the bug man come they were gone completely in about 2 days. He sprayed and set down liquid traps that I wish I could purchase for myself, but I’ve never found and they’re the only reason I pay $40 to have them come out last minute since we don’t have a monthly need for a bug man. (We only ever have had ant problems. I might find a bug here or there, but they’re not so many that I worry or need to.)

Now each year we get invaded at least once by the pesky ants. It usually between July and October. I’ve cleaned and set down some of my own ant traps that are suppose to kill the colony. I’m hoping we can take care of it ourselves.

One thing the ants always helps with is getting me to really clean every area of my house at once. I can’t stand them, and I can’t stand a cluttered house when the bug guy comes to spray.

Time will tell if I’ll have another graveyard on my hands.

Sam invited the girls and I to accompany her and her daughters to Pine Valley over Labor Day weekend. Sam loves Pine Valley, but she does not love the constant need to play or entertain Britta, so bringing friends was the perfect solution, and she was right. The girls played with one another the whole time, and Grandpa Gary also helped to entertain them too.

We traveled up Saturday morning in separate cars with me following Sam.  Lilah  was asking if we were there yet before we even hit Valley of Fire so I told her once we got through Mesquite we would be half-way there and I had her keep an eye out for it and color while we drove. It worked and the girls were very well behaved the whole drive.

Once at the cabin the girls immediately found the swings and began swinging. They also started looking at the apples on the ground to eat them. Once Sam’s in-laws were there they began helping to pick up the apples off the ground and for the whole weekend that would be their task. They would hear the apples fall, and then put them in the apple bucket that Gary was collecting them in.

Gary, Sam’s FIL, was very attentive to the girls. He had them helping with the apples, feeding the coy in the fish pond, helping to pick the blackberries, four wheeling around the yard, and just listening as he sat on the swing with Matilda. (Eden was talking his ear off has he held Matilda and was sitting on one swing and she was on the other one.)

Saturday night the girls wanted to sleep outside in a tent. Sam has found an unused kids pup-tent at a thrift store and Britta was dying to try it out. While Sam and I set that tent up Gary and Jackie set up a 4 man tent, about the size of our tent. Britta was so mad that Grandpa had done that. He also brought out an old box spring that was put under the the tent and used to sleep on.

The girls played in them, and Britta wanted all three of them to sleep in the pup tent, but they all three would not fit so Lilah decided to be in the big tent. Gary didn’t think any of them would go through with sleeping in a tent all night, least of all Britta, but since my girls have gone camping I thought they’d be fine. As night fell they still wanted to sleep outside and Gary set up his cot in between the tents so as to help the girls in the night. We got them settled in, with Eden and Britta in the pup tent and Lilah in the other. Later that night Jackie looked outside and said the girls were wandering the yard. I thought Gary had fallen asleep, so I went  outside to wrangle them up and put them back into the tents, this was around 10 pm or later. I found out Gary was awake and just letting them wander the yard. I got them into the tents and Eden decided she was cold and wanted to sleep inside, I didn’t bring up our sleeping bags and the ones Gary got out weren’t the nice ones since he thought they would go inside for the night. With Eden out of the pup tent Britta joined Lilah in the “big” tent with the more comfortable than ground box spring and they went to sleep.

With the girls settled Sam and I stayed up part of the night talking. We had to get up at 6:30am Vegas time for church, but we still didn’t get to bed till around 12:30 or 1 am.

Around 2 am I was woken by Lilah. She had to go to the bathroom. I noticed that she still had her coat on and that she looked like she might have been sweating so I tried to ask if she was too hot. She said she was, then she said she was cold when we were outside. As I zipped her up in her jacket her skin got caught, something that sometime happens, and being the tired girl she was she decided to come up stairs to sleep. So my two daughters, who I thought would sleep outside, came inside and Britta, who we thought would not stay outside did for the whole night.

Sunday it was an overflowing house at church. I think nearly everyone with a cabin must have come up to enjoy the last three day weekend before it gets cold, and most who own cabins up there are Mormon. We stayed the whole block and ran into the wife of an old bishop and her DIL. Sam and I knew both of them because she was in the Vegas Manor ward before we moved in, and she was in a sorority with the DIL before either were married. I knew them because her husband was the bishop while we were in the ward and her DIL knew Jon before we were married and she got married to the son while we lived in that ward and they moved into the ward after they were married. ( I find it funny that Sam and I went to the same ward before we both moved to where we are now, but they moved out just a few months before we were put in that ward due to a redrawing of ward boundaries.)

After church we had lunch then Gary decided to take the girls on a short four-wheeler drive around the yard. When he proposed it I warned him that they may not ride because they’re afraid of loud noises. I then hear him yell my name from outside and I thought something was wrong, only to find Gary with Eden on the four-wheeler and him saying “What about you scaredy cat daughter now.” I got the camera and came out to find Lilah and Britta “pushing” the four-wheeler around the yard.

He took the girls up the mountain to visit his nephew’s cabin and we shortly followed in the car once we realized they were gone.

That evening we had the girls all in one room inside the cabin. Gary had been bitten by some mosquito’s so we didn’t want them attempting to sleep outside again. We had them in one room  upstairs with Sam, Matilda and I in the other.

Sam and I stayed up talking till 1 am again. Their really is something so nice about being able to talk without little ears listening.

Monday was the day we traveled back home. The girls played outside while we packed things up. Lilah that morning said she was sad to leave the cabin and then about half an hour later decided she was homesick.

We stopped in St. George for lunch and to pick up scones at the Great Harvest there. I guess they’re made differently than what you get here in Vegas, and are a lot better. I ate like three out of the six, not in one day, but they are really good and I now want to find a good scone recipe.

We had so much fun at the cabin and Grandpa Gary did a lot of fun things with the girls. I hope were able to visit again next summer and let the girls enjoy the outdoors even more. I know if Jon had been there they would have gone hiking and exploring, where as I was just happy to be inside talking with Sam and letting the girls play outside.

August apparently is our most expensive month yet.

New tires for the Toyota: too much money.
Repairing the Toyota from the small accident Lacey was in: too much money.
Buying a staff parking permit for Jon because they made a rule that staff could no longer just buy student parking: twice as much as student parking, AKA too much money.
Paying for Jon’s class: too much, at least until they reimburse us 80% of the costs of credits, Holla at discount tuition!
Paying the regular bills that we need: too much money.

Life is so expensive. In two months we will have spent around $1,500 on our cars, since Jon needed new tires last month, and this does not include the car payment or insurance.

Money stinks sometimes.

Since this is mostly my family blog and Jon and I mostly have things figured out about our marriage, I don’t blog too much about his change of beliefs and how it affects us, but one thing on my mind lately is children.

When we were engaged and an early happily married, and both Mormon, couple we wanted six kids two years apart. (Just a note that we are now and still a happily married couple.) We had our first child right after he graduated because we felt he would be done with school and able to provide for the family, at least hypothetically. In the following 15 months we had around 5 months of employment with 4 months of unemployment and 6 months of underemployment. It was a sucky time in our financial life and hard on our marriage, but luckily we were pretty use to being poor students and didn’t have a very expensive lifestyle. No car payments, no house payments, one child whom I  breastfeed and made the baby food for not only ’cause it was cheap but because we felt it was the best for her. I was also able to get student loans and grants to help our poor circumstances, though we never had to use the loans at that time.

As the months of underemployment stretched on we realized it was around the time we had wanted to start preparing for another child if we were to stay on our “one every two years” plan. Instead of praying for employment we started praying about our family and whether we should have another baby. I think Heavenly Father answered our prayers by providing Jon his employment at UNLV. Not only did he have gainful employment, at just less than twice what we had ever made in a year combined, though we were very poor so it wasn’t much by some standards, Jon received health benefits immediately, which allowed me to get pregnant nearly immediately and have Eden in the summer so I could do Fall on-line courses after I had her. It was a miracle to me, and one of the few times I’ve felt very guided by the Lord.

Fast forward two years. In the Fall of 2006 it was time to start thinking about another child. I was just finishing my degree so it wasn’t necessary for us to have a child before August and we weren’t sure if we were ready for another one at the time since two seemed like a lot, then Jon dropped the bomb that he no longer believed in the teachings of the Church. It was a shaky time in our marriage and even now, nearly three years later, we’re still figuring things out, though it’s with more love and compassion, rather than anger at the betrayal.

Which finally brings me to my recent thoughts.

Jon and I have be discussing whether we want another child. We both agree that we don’t want one while living in our current house. I feel overwhelmed with the things we have here and the four of us, to bring another child into it would be no doubt very overwhelming and difficult. Plus I worry that if we stayed here too long Jon would actually give the three children the master bedroom because we can’t fit another regular sized bed in there with the bunk beds. 😉

Then there’s the fact that the reason why Jon wanted so many children has changed. I don’t want to completely speak for him, but I can say that the belief that we need to multiply and replenish the Earth and bring as many spirits into this world is not something he believes in now, so the reason why to have a lot of children is not there, besides the fact that we like our big families.

Jon’s not sure if he wants another child and though I know I want another child, I’m just not sure I want to bring one knowingly into a religiously divided home. Some might say that I still can insist that they be raised in the church and only give Jon his one Sunday a month with them, two when there are five in a month, just like I do with our girls, but I can’t. I feel like the situation is different. It’s more like I’ve knowingly married a nonmember who does not agree with my beliefs and want a child with them. Wouldn’t that nonmember be entitled to a full 50% of that child’s Sundays and religious teachings, not just 25%? Granted together we’re trying to raise free-thinkers and children who choose their own religious identity, but I know that they are influenced more by the fact that they attend my church on a regular basis. I know Jon would like 50% of the Sundays, but I just can’t, and I know it hurts him that I don’t let him have 50% of the Sundays.

The rules would change for this third child.

Last week I went through our baby clothes. I’m giving half of them away because we simply can’t store them all for the what if’s. What if we have another baby and what if we have a girl?
It’s more like, what if we never have another baby and what if we never get out of this house?

I’m contemplating long term, less hormonal, birth control because I don’t like taking a pill every day and I’ve decided I don’t like having hormones in my body that don’t need to be there. It’s the long term part that scares me. I haven’t had a child in 4 years, but I don’t want to say I won’t have another child in 4 more years. What I’m contemplating can be removed so as to allow me to get pregnant sooner, but to make that choice is still hard.

I long for a baby in some ways. I’m so young and able, something I know some woman  aren’t, yet here I am not giving birth to any more beautiful children, watching and holding my friend’s children and not enjoying those first couple years of my own infant and toddler.

I will say I am happy with my two girls. I’m not sure how I would home school if I had one or two little ones to take care of also, life seems so overwhelming without adding others to the mix.

A part of me wants to write this down just so it’s been said and there is no wondering why I’m not having more children, and possibly why I may never have more. Some might already understand, most, if not all, would hate to be in my position of a “lost” husband, but I love him and he is one of the most important people in my life and I know he loves me.We both want the best for one another and our children, even if that best might be different in our own, individual eyes.

I happy with my little family, and even though it may never be bigger, I’ll try to glory in the children I have.

Earlier last week my friend Beth asked if I could make chocolate covered strawberries for her daughter’s wedding which was Saturday. I had told her I’d never made them, but she had faith that I could if I said yes since I’ve made truffles. I told her I’d talk with Jon because I didn’t want to burden him or interrupt his plans since this would be our first Saturday where for most of the day we would be home in three weeks. At first he said he wasn’t comfortable with it, since he had a long list of things to do, so I told Beth I couldn’t. Then that night as I talked to Jon I guess he heard the excitement in my voice as I talked about the bride and groom berries that I had envisioned making for them before he had said he wasn’t comfortable with it. So he said that he thought I probably could make the chocolate covered strawberries for them. So I called Beth and asked if she had asked anyone else to make strawberries. She said no because she felt that I was the one person who would pay attention to the little details in such a way that only Lacey does. I was very flattered by the comment, especially since I do these things as a hobby and not professionally.

I did a little more research and made a sample plate just so they could decide if they really wanted me to make strawberries for the wedding since it was to be my first time working with berries. I thought they turned out alright, but I was working off of a very professional picture that was perfection, so I considered my amateur attempt so under par. They loved the berries I made for them. Since I made bride and groom berries without them asking Beth later told me that Kate had wanted bride and groom, but they had forgotten about them until right before they asked me and she didn’t want to ask me to make them since it was a favor, so when I brought over bride and groom berries it was just what Kate had wanted and they all loved them.

I think the faith and compliments that Beth gave me allowed me to see how cute the berries were that I had made. I was only looking at the imperfections and how amateurish they looked to me, but they loved them and appreciated my hard work. I do pay attention to detail, though I don’t profess to be good at all the little details. I try and over all it works out well.

So Saturday, after spending too much time at the temple after the wedding, I came home and started working on strawberries. It took me around 8 hours to produce the 80-90 bride and groom berries and around 100 of the regular decorated berries. I had to choose only the nicest berries, then rinse and dry them individually. Then the hard work of dipping and decorating began.

The girls were on their own for most of the day and I got the berries to the reception just half an hour before it started only because Jon helped me get half the strawberries in their paper holders and box. He was a good sport, even if I was “The crazy strawberry lady.” 😉

It was lots of fun making them and it was great to hear how much the guest loved them, but the only people I wanted to please was my good friend, her daughter the bride, and the groom.

I am pretty pleased with them myself, but I’m more pleased that they made them happy.

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I took these pictures towards the end to the night. The tuxedo ones went rather quickly.

I hope my last post doesn’t come off as “I’m better than thou because we live within our means.”

I suppose part of it is the fact that we live within our means and by doing so we pass up many opportunities to have nicer things so when situations come up that it seems like we don’t have enough it’s somewhat embarrassing. I often feel bare to the world by our simple circumstances. What we have is what we have and what we’re able to pay for with our money and not what we’ve credited to a card. What we have is not only what we can afford but also what we’ve chosen to pay for.

I am happy that I have a husband who works hard to not only provide for us now, but works hard in budgeting wisely now so as to provide for us later.

I often feel humbled to have such a loving, caring, and wise husband, especially one who is so conscious of money and the way we spend it. I tend to be on the spending side side in some situations  and Jon helps to balance me, then he tends to be on the spending side in other situations and I balance him. Together we are a very good match, in more than just the financial side, but we help one another and trust each other. Since we do trust each other to make wise financial choices and we try to keep that trust we continue to make wise financial choices. There are times that I’m surprised Jon doesn’t tell me to return things, and he might be weary of why I spent money, but he is never condescending or tight leashed because he makes the money. We have the same allowance and large purchases are discussed.

It takes a lot of self discipline to set aside for tomorrow and not spend because you have it today. It’s something we’re constantly working on and I praise those who also are money wise or are trying harder to be money wise. Baby steps. It’s all about baby steps.

Lately I’ve had several instances when my credit and debit cards have been declined. One store just doesn’t like my credit card, and it has been declined on three separate occasions. The third time I mentioned how this happens but I know that I have credit and the clerk swiped it on the main register and it was fine. Today while at Costco my debit card was declined twice and and I had to use a second debit card.

When my credit or debit cards get declined I can’t help but feel like the cashier or people around me think that I’m one of the many people who are struggling at this time or even worse, is someone who doesn’t know how to control their spending and spends out of their means all the time. I then have to try a different means of credit or debit and hope those work, which they always have. (Understand that I know there are times that people need to spend out of their means, it’s when people continually frivolously spend out of their means that I have a hard time, though I’m trying to be better at not judging.)

After I have the worry of what people think, I then worry about identity theft. We never use even close to our credit limit and we always have money in our checking. I’ve had Jon check our credit card when it’s been declined and today after my debit card was declined at Costco I came home and immediately checked our account and we had more than enough to pay for my $42 visit, none of which included school stuff.

I admit that I’m happy and I find pride that we’re able to live within our means. In some ways we are easily able to live within our means, but in other ways it’s hard because we have a goal to save quite a bit and invest a lot of our income into retirement since we started investing later in life, at least later in life for Jon, I’m still really young.   Jon has some very high expectations for our savings and I am trying to help meet them. We both trust each other in our spending and have rarely had disagreements on how money should be or has been spent. I feel sympathy for couples who struggle with finances and how to spend money.

I joke that maybe the Lord is humbling me because I am proud that we live so simply. It can be hard and at times I do desire more, and at times I do spend more, but overall we are very secure compared to those struggling around us and I’m happy that we are secure, at least at this time. I do know that at any moment things could go terribly wrong and we might really be struggling once again.

Maybe I need to be more compassionate and thoughtful towards those around me and the Lord is trying to tell me to be less prideful. We try to be giving and charitable, but we also are very blessed with so much and I am grateful for that.

Do you ever feel ashamed when your cards are declined?

Do you ever judge when you see someone’s card being declined? Truthfully I rarely judge as harshly as I described above when I see this happen in public. I feel bad for those whose cards are declined and I hope that they’re not struggling too much.

Am I just totally narcissistic to think people care a hoot about me and my finances?

Post thought: I hope this post doesn’t come off in that “we’re so secure and having my credit card declined is so humiliating.” We’ve had times of unemployment and underemployment and I’m sure that those days may come around again. Luckily we had been wise and saved money even when we were poor college students and then were able to make it on our own for those months of not earning enough income. At this point of time we’re now secure but we continue to work hard at saving money and living within our means, something that I think has lost it’s value as we have credit extended to us and credit card debt is seen as no big deal. I know some people need assistance and that is nothing to be ashamed about.

I’m not sure why anyone would want to see my huge cold sore, but since Sara doesn’t believe my previous description and would like me to send this most lovely picture into cyberspace forever, I guess I’ll show you.
Than you can:
A) Feel sorry for be.
B) Be prepared to see me in person with the cold sore.
C) Run screaming from your computer because it’s so disgusting.
D) Tell me that I should go into seclusion until the monstrosity goes away and you can teach my lessons and pretend to be me at a bridal shower and CEC on Saturday, which I can’t miss anyways.

Just remember I have no make- up on so I’m wearing glasses and have my hair pulled back so it doesn’t touch my contaminated face.

Also, I saw the doctor. She prescribed me a pill that I have to take 5 times a day and an ointment. I think she felt really bad for me. I also had x-rays done on my toe so she can tell me if I fractured it, but the treatment is still just tape the toe and wear hard souled shoes. I hate shoes and don’t have any summer hard souled shoes. So much for cute toe nails.

On March 25th we went to the Secret Garden and Dolphin habitat with a homeschooling group. Sadly the group has dissolved and it was our last trip with them.

Our friend Hannah came with us. The girls adore her and she adores our girls. Even though I didn’t really need the help, since they are so well behaved and rarely get into trouble in public, Hannah came along and lent her hand to also hold while we walked around and her arms to pick up the girls to see things. It was nice and the reason we invited her to also come to the Shark Reef with us in May.

Here’s just a few pictures of the girls and our activities. I can’t believe it had been two years since we had gone with our old Mommy group and almost to the day.

The underwater observatory.

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The girls loved when the dolphin swam right by the window.

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Above watching them feed the dolphins.

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There was a 6 month old baby dolphin, though it was pretty big for being 6 months old. I’m happy my girls grow slower than a dolphin, but it’s still too fast.

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Cute Eden.

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Hannah helping Lilah look at the map.

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There was also a baby jaguar to watch.

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Hannah with the girls.

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A tiger taking a bath.

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Sisterly love.