Is It Naptime Yet

Monday I was at my parents. I had the outer stitches removed and I’m still not suppose to lift for two weeks. I convinced the nurse to give me the okay for the end of this week. I figure once the outer stitches are healed then I can do some minimal lifting. I just need to put Eden down for her nap and take her out and then putting her up in her high chair. I figure that it’s mostly for aesthetic reasons, so I’m okay with a scar. It’s on a hard to heal spot with it being right under my should blade. The physician’s assistant also told me that I’ve stretch it a little bit. To not lift my kids is like telling me not to blink. It’s such a natural instinct to do things that it makes it hard not to. Not to mention I still nurse Eden and when I switch sides I have to lift her some. I guess I’m just done with relying on others. I want to do things for myself. I hate relying on others. I hate that I have a small pain in my shoulder right now telling me to take it easy. Everyone has been so helpful and I’m so grateful to have the assistance, but I just want to be on my own. I want to give Jon a rest from doing things, and I want to give my house a good cleaning. I just want to be me. ( I don’t usually keep my house spotless or anything. I live in organized chaos. But I hate that our floors need to be mopped, the tub scrubbed and it’s been so hard to keep up with dishes.)

I had my friend Danielle over on Tuesday. We had the AC technician coming over, so we stayed here all day. ( We had two parts that needed replacing. It cost way too much, but now were on a plan to have them check the ac twice a year, have the diagnoses visit be only $20, compared to $70, and we get a 20% discount on the repair costs. I thought it was worth it.) Danielle and I watched the movie Charly while the girls were down and we cried for the last half hour. She blamed hormones, because she’s pregnant, I blamed the fact that a young mother dies of cancer, and I often worry about leaving my children behind. It was nice to have her here to help.

We went to her house on Wednesday so she could get chores done and what not. She’s a kindergarten teacher so she had all sorts of interesting things for Lilah to play with and to watch. Lilah had a ball. Eden liked their dog as long as she was behind the child gate in the kitchen. It even sounded like she said doggy a couple of times. We also discovered that she has two more bottom teeth coming in, so soon she’ll have eight teeth.

Today Barbara came over to help. She had to pick up Scott so she left after Eden went down for her nap. I figure I can get her out.

I really just want life back to normal. I want to hold Eden without asking for someone to hand her to me. I want to run and help Eden catch her big sister. I don’t want to remind my girls to not hang on my right shoulder. I want to roll around and play with Lilah.

Tomorrow we go to Ely for the weekend. Evidently we’re turkey worthy since Brien and Andrea are getting the turkey out for us to have for Sunday lunch. (Brien bought a turkey for family visits.) I can’t wait to see her. Lilah was wanting to go today. She kept asking us when we were leaving, if Barbara was coming, and then if Carolyn was coming.