Is It Naptime Yet

I went to my parents house Tuesday to visit Scott and Fallon. I left with a stuffed up Lilah. I think it was allergies or possibly my mom that got us sick. Tuesday evening was horrible because both girls got stuffy noses and had difficulty sleeping. I was awoken pretty much every hour, if not two. Lilah was in my bed the first part of the night. That was horrible. I put her in her bed at who knows what time so she wouldn’t wake me up each time she was having trouble breathing and tossed and turned in the bed.  Eden joined me around 4, I think, because of breathing problems. She did okay and pretty much rested the rest of the time, except when Lilah came in the room then threw up on the floor. I actually felt pretty good on Wednesday considering the interrupted and lack of sleep. The girls have been pretty good, but needy. I’ve had the TV on a lot because it keeps them rested. I started getting sick Wednesday night, and it has gone down hill from there. I am happy to say that I haven’t had a killer sore throat, I always get the worst sore throats during these things. I am at the stage where I’m sneezing and my sinuses are so full of stuff that I feel like my face wants to fall off.

Today, Saturday, Jon had some work to do, so he took Lilah into the office with him. Eden wanted to go also. She had retrieved one of her shoes once she saw Lilah getting hers on. It was soo cute. Jon can only handle one child in his office, plus Lilah is better at entertaining herself and won’t need a nap while they’re there.  Jon’s printing 2,000 and some odd letters to students who will be dropped from there classes for the Spring semester if they don’t get their immunizations updated. You see registration has already started so they can’t put them on hold to register, so they’ll have to drop them. It’s federal law to have immunizations for school and the vice president of UNLV decided it needed to become a priority because they’ve been pretty lax in previous years, hence why they have at least 2,000 students who have not had updated immunizations.  I’m happy I’m graduating because I would be one of those students, except I did just get my tetanus and I believe that was the one I was missing. Anyways Jon didn’t want to tie up a printer for hours while at work so he went in today. I’m happy he decided to take Lilah, but now I don’t know what to do with Eden. She’s playing with blocks and putting out a lot of snot right now.  I’m just happy I have time to blog without feeling guilty for neglecting my school work. I had a test yesterday, and since I’ve been sick I haven’t been very productive. Today I feel like I could do chores around the house, if it weren’t for the bending over and losing you face feeling. I guess I’ll settle for trying to read and do my assignment that is due Monday for my music class. We have the adult meeting for Stake Conference tonight and our ward is doing the musical number. I want to go and support because we have small ward choir. I could probably sing, but I don’t know if I’m contagious still, and if other ward members want to be sitting next to a sniffling sick lady. I guess we’ll see if my sickness becomes less obvious as the day goes on, maybe then I can trick people and just not sit to close or breath on anyone.

Friday was the last day I feed Eden. I am now trying to get my breast to stop producing milk. I’m pumping in the morning and twice now Eden has seen me pumping and done the eat sign. It breaks a little mama’s heart to have her baby want to nurse but to say no. Granted I say no and do the all gone sign and she moves on, but it still makes it hard. Jon gave me little comfort with the fact that she won’t remember her mother telling her no she can’t nurse…but I guess it’s better than her being old enough to remember. Feeding her once a day in the morning isn’t very inconvenient. I just lay in bed with her and let her eat while I try to rest my eyes. I suppose I figured it was just time to stop. I want my breast back. So that’s the story of my mammary glands. I’m hoping I can be a normal woman…rather than a cow (that’s for you Brien if you got through this) by next week. Then on our Nevada day Holiday I can organize my room and get rid of nursing things in my drawers and move them to boxes.

My next dilemma is when to stop my birth control. I have enough for this month. I want to wait until January or right before then to stop so then I would hopefully have a baby later in the year, say November or December if it takes us a few months before we get pregnant. Jon reminds me that I’m getting less fertile….I know you older women are laughing…I’m 23… Really I’m getting towards the declining stage…the late 20’s…I just have a few more years…but I’m not at my peak and men’s fertility start declining in their late 30’s..according to what I just read….Anyways I worry that if I wait too long then I’ll be having a baby in January or February. So I may stop the end of this month, or maybe November. I really worry about where we’ll put a baby, and I worry about having a boy and needing to buy all new clothes, and what to do with all the girl clothes. Mostly I worry about where to put a baby. I want a baby because that means we’ll get our second car ( I know it sounds selfish..but I really can’t wait until we get a second car..or really a minivan)…I just don’t know if I want the baby. Part of me feels that we’re suppose to have one soon or get pregnant sooner than I want…but that kinda saddens me because I feel that I’m fighting with what Heavenly Father might want for us. Really maybe I’m suppose to just put my trust in him and he won’t give us our next one for a while or at least before we’re ready. It’s hard for me to give him my trust because I like to be in control, or at lest have the illusion. We’ll see what he has in store.