Is It Naptime Yet

So I survived my second enrichment meeting. The last one was stressful, but this one I felt more pressure, mostly because it was suppose to be more uplifting and motivational and not just a speaker telling us about crime, like our last one was.
We looked at family indexing. Something the church is partnering with other people and doing so you can essentially do genealogy from home eventually. Then we also looked at some ethical will questions and I had the women talk to a partner about their answers.

I think it went well. Without Jon I wouldn’t have been able to do either activity.

The ethical will he suggested and went off without a hitch.
For the family indexing we had a glitch because we use to have computers in the church building but that is no longer, so we couldn’t use a computer room to do a short tutorial. Then we don’t have wireless Internet so I created a PowerPoint where I essentially printed each screen and made it exactly what a person would see in the tutorial. (Jon was the brains behind creating the PowerPoint. He has been wonderful for bouncing problems and ideas off of.)
It worked out great and it seems like a lot of women are now interested in indexing.

I feel the night went really well.
I was over the ethical will portion and I just couldn’t help but be happy seeing these women take to one another about their life experiences.
It was really gratifying to watch.
It was wonderful.

I’m happy it’s over but I think it was a wonderful night.

Here are the Ethical Will questions I used for the night in case anyone wants to add these to there personal history or journal.

Ethical Will

1. Who influenced you most in your life and what did you learn from them that affected the way you’ve lived?
2. Describe the most important experiences of your life. What did they teach you?
3. What was the happiest time of your life? The saddest time?
4. What spiritual beliefs have guided and sustained you?
5. Describe the family stories you’d like people to remember. What meaning do they have for you?
6. What are you most proud of? Any regrets?
7. What do you wish you had learned earlier in life?
8. Who is the most important person in your life and what have you learned from him or her?

Saturday we received a phone call from a friend. The husband asked if he and his wife could come over. I said sure and then worried.
Why would they be coming over?
They never come over.
Why would they come over without any kids?

They came and sat down and told us how the wife was the director for a small Christmas program that would be held at the Mormon Fort here in Vegas. This would be the first year for the program and it was actually being put on in part by a Lutheran Minister, so it was a nonspecific denominational type activity. They’re going to have people doing pioneer type things and they’re also going to have a live nativity. It’s a program and then the audience walks around.
After she explained that she asked if we would be the Mary and Joseph for the Nativity. (They know that Jon’s not a participating member but they hoped he might do this anyways.)
She said before you say no let me tell you why we picked you, or why we thought you two would make a good Mary and Joseph.
One, she said how I reminded her of what Mary might look like, two was be cause of how Jon treats me.
She went on to say when they were chosen to be Mary and Joseph in a live nativity years ago the director told them that she chose them because of the way her husband treated her. He was so kind and loving towards her that the director envisioned Joseph treating Mary that way. So, when they had to think of a young couple to play the part of Mary and Joseph they both thought of us, because Jon is so loving towards me and they see that love.
The wife and I both had watery eyes. One was to think of the love our husbands show for us but for me it was also knowing that Jon would say no, but how I would love this experience.
They asked us to think about it and to let them know the next night.
Well, while Jon and I both knew his answer I still thought about what it would be like to be Mary.

My first thought was my hair was not very long. I would have to tell my hairdresser to keep as much length as she could so maybe by December my hair would be to my shoulders. Then Mary probably weighed less than I am now, so I might use this excuse to lose a little of the weight I’ve gained.
I also thought about what kind of mother Mary must have been. Patient and loving, something I feel that I don’t always have or show as much as I should. I wondered what kind of 2 year old Jesus was and if he drove her crazy or if he was perfect. So part of me thought I might need to be a better mother so I could play the role of Mary a little better.

So, Sunday came. I had a little hope that Jon would play the role for me, but he said no. It would be too hypocritical to pretend to play the father to a miraculous birth which he believes did not take place.
I understood.
I was still sad.
I am still sad.
But ultimately I don’t want him pretending to be something he’s not, especially on such a grand scale.

We were to see the couple Sunday, but Eden was sick. So Jon stayed home with Eden and wrote a short letter stating why he couldn’t play the part because I wasn’t going to be the one saying no, he was.
The husband was disappointed but he understood that Jon would feel hypocritical.

I wish the opportunity had come two years earlier.
One, I had longer hair and two, Jon still believed at that point.
Oh well for missed opportunities.

Today was Lilah’s first primary presentation. I’m getting old. I feel even older knowing that Lilah will be in her second year of Primary come January.

It was a hectic morning. Lilah was suppose to be there at 8:30 am, in which I think they said 8:30 in hopes that the parents would get the kids there by 8:50. 🙂 I took the girls and let Jon finish getting ready on his own. (I made him help me so we could get there at a descent time.) We got there at 8:45 and while walking up to the building I realized I still had on my casual brown flip-flops! I didn’t want to return home since I was waiting for my parents and Jon’s mom and sister to arrive.
I had our regular phone line on call forwarding so I would get any phone calls, so I called my cell phone, I had his, and left a message. He didn’t get it so I wore brown flip-flops with my black skirt and green top. Oh well.

Back to the real post.
Lilah was great. She gave her line, even though it took a second or so for her to start, once at the pulpit.
“Jesus Christ was Heavenly Father’s first born son. I am also a child of God.”
It went by so quickly that I almost wish she had a longer part or another one. 🙂
She gave her line great, and even though she’s shy in certain situations, she’s always spoken well when she’s had to give a talk in primary or say the prayer in front of them. I think talking into a microphone helps.
She was also super cute in her yellow dress and curled hair and she sang, when she wasn’t yawning, all the songs.
She was in the second row of the stand and even though we knew she was standing while singing the songs, she’s so short it was hard to tell if she was standing or sitting.

She sat well during the program and her teacher told me that Lilah said it was soo long, when our primary president came up to to speak at the end. It’s hard to sit still for over an hour, even if you are singing a lot, when you’re a 4 year old.

I got a little choked up once it started and after Lilah gave her line. But since she was at the beginning I was able to control myself the rest of the program.
The primary did a great job and I’m happy we’re in such a great ward.

This past week we had two Enrichment activities. One was the regular get together, it was on personal and property crime prevention, and then we did a graffiti clean-up in our ward boundaries that was more of a ward activity. It all went smoothly and I think I sleep off any stress this weekend, not to mention that I had to wake up at 6:08 am on Saturday and I don’t get up until 7:30am, if you’re lucky.
Our main obstacle was getting the priesthood to give us names of volunteers. The committee members over getting the names bothered them a lot, but if they had them earlier, they wouldn’t have been bothered so much.
I think we need to help the priesthood in figuring out a method that would help them get names to make is go smoother because it’s no fun to get names for the nursery the night before and names for a major project two days before. No fun at all.
We’ve had enrichment’s where we were scrambling for nursery volunteers the night of, and that is definitely not fun, especially for the men asked to do it so last minute.

I’m really happy that my first Enrichment meeting went so smoothly. Our next one is right around the corner in November, so I have one week to breathe before I attend a RS presidency meeting because the 4 meetings we do during the year are a matter of prayer and meeting the needs of the women in the ward.
One week off.

So I taught my lesson yesterday and I helped Lilah give her talk.
Now I just have to focus on enrichment and possibly getting costumes made for the girls, Halloween is just around the corner.

Yesterday my lesson was interesting. We had a visitor. Anyone who visits usually go to gospel essentials because of a couple reasons, one to help teach lesser doctrine to those who don’t know the gospel, or receive the milk before the meat, two as to not distract the gospel doctrine class of the topic at hand. It seems a little mean to banish those who have not been members for a year to the gospel essentials class, but I think it’s so we can keep on topic in this class.
A man brought his friend who was Catholic. I have no problems with Catholics and I have no problem with him being in the class. I just thought his beliefs were interesting and to me a little sad.
He gave some input that was a little off topic, well very off topic, but all classes get off topic and he didn’t dominate a lot of time, in fact by the time I would have cut him off he stopped talking. If anyone were to dominate the time of the class I would want to cut them off, so it wasn’t just that he wasn’t Mormon.
During class he mentioned some of his thoughts or beliefs.
What I got out of it was about a certain saint that he believes in. It dealt with the thought that we’re all preordained to go to hell or heaven. We have no say. God just chooses. Those who are going to hell, such as homosexuals, usually have an easy life, he used Elton John as an example. Those who are destined for Heaven need to even out there sins, or pay for them. So they get punished, he used the example of physical ailments and I think even situational things, such as wealth. I interjected that the ailments were to strengthen us, but he said no it was just to balance out what wrong or sins we had done.

I think I mostly found it sad that we’re predetermined for heaven or hell. To me it seems pointless to be either good or bad. Jon mentioned since it doesn’t matter or you have no say where you go it could be good because then you just live you life without worrying about heaven or hell, or you don’t do things out of fear because you’re going there anyways.
I just find that sad to have no say in where you go. Also to be punished physically for sins goes against the New Testament. Such as the story with Christ and the man born blind.

John 9:2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

After class he started talking to me and mentioned how he didn’t want to go into deeper thoughts and how he also believed we have a certain number of sins while here and once we use them up we die.
He used the example of a lot of people coming here to Vegas to gamble, drink and participate in immorality and that he believed about 20% of the people would probably be dead by next year because they’ll use up their sins.
In a way I can see what he says, but I guess it still seems strange that we only get so many sins and for each person it’s different. I suppose it balances out that we’re preordained, so you’re going to Hell but you don’t want to get there too quickly so you don’t sin a lot.

I don’t know many devote catholics. I just found these two beliefs to be so opposite of my own. I’m not sure if since the beliefs came from a saint if you have a choice to believe them or not, or if it’s universally taught within the Catholic church

Today I gave a talk in sacrament. Being the procrastinator I am I wrote most of the talk Saturday, I did do my research on Friday, and I did a little revising last night and then a little more revising this morning. This morning we were running a little behind when I finally went to print out the talk and I asked Jon to watch the printer and make sure everything went OK.
It didn’t.
My printer jammed and it would not work…it still isn’t working.
I was freaking out and it was 8:52 am. Our church starts at 9.
I had the thought to call Beth Jewitt, a women I’m friends with in the ward, we also go swimming at her house,  and she sometimes shows up late to church. She was home. I e-mailed my talk to her and she said she would print it out.
We got to church late. I told the bishopric my little mishap during the opening song and if my talk wasn’t there by my time to speak I’d go last.
It was the shortest and longest sacrament ever.
I was about to cry thinking about going to the podium without my notes, quotes and scriptures that I had marked, or copy and pasted into my talk. To keep me from crying I began jotting down the scriptures I had looked up for the talk and tried to remember the different major points and my transitions including what quotes I had planned. I was also praying that the pdf I sent Beth would print up and that she’d be there after the sacrament was done. (I’ve sent her a document before for church stuff and it wasn’t pdf so there was a little bit of trouble with it. I was hoping that she would have no trouble printing my talk.)
After the sacrament was passed and the young men sat down they opened the doors to the foyer and Beth walked in with her daughter and with my talk in hand.
I was saved!
The bishopric member conducting announced that I would be speaking after the youth speaker since I had told him Beth would be bringing me my talk.   I wanted to read it over but I was just too nervous and happy that it worked out.

I started my talk saying how I learned that you should not wait until the last minute to print your talk because your printer may not work, and to remember which friend comes late to church so you can call them for help.  My talk was on education.

I thanked her later before relief society and she joked that this could have been the day for her to come on time to church. Truthfully it’s a 50/50 chance that they’re late, but I was soo happy that today she was still at home and able to print out my talk.

She truly is a life saver.

This Sunday was my week to teach Gospel Doctrine. (I teach every 1st Sunday and then we have the fifth Sundays divided between mostly me and one other teacher. With teaching first Sunday’s I don’t teach on General Conference weekend and even one of our stake conferences fell on the first Sunday. So when I made out the schedule I compensated for those weeks and each of the four teachers teach 12 times in the year. )
This Sunday was a hard lesson for me. They seem to give you so much information and all the information is tied together that I often have a hard time figuring out what I can skip, what I can summarize and what I should teach. Then you have some speakers that go over in Sacrament, like this Sunday, and that takes away precious time for me as a teacher.
I tried to be prepared but I was just a jumble of thoughts.
I also blame it on the fact that I teach only once a month, not that I want to teach more and have this stress every week, but this month I taught and then I wasn’t in an adult class for the three weeks between teaching. (out of town one week and then substituting the next two weeks in Primary. )
Gospel Doctrine is also just hard for me to teach overall.  If a long discussion is started,  it often isn’t in the direction I want to go,  or people don’t say much of anything. Yesterday it went ok, but I was rushed.  There are a lot of scriptures to read and sometimes the questions are hard to tie in.  I guess I’m suppose to be magnifying myself and this is one area I feel I need a lot of work in when it comes to teaching.

Jon’s new thing is to drink green tea. Now green tea is not technically against the word of wisdom so he’s still not breaking any rules, not that he cares, but I kinda do mostly for the sake of the girls and setting examples. I forget where, and maybe it’s a wise tale and hopefully Jon will give me some links to back me up since I’m just too lazy to look for them, but it has been said that in countries where tea is apart of their cultural that the church has said it’s okay to drink green and white tea, they just don’t advertise that too much here in the U.S. Green and white tea have less caffeine and I’ve even been told by a highly creditable source that the caffeine make up is completely different in black than green tea. Green tea also has health benefits, that’s one of the reasons Jon’s drinking it.

Anyways, I’ve tasted some of the tea’s Jon’s gotten and they just taste like not flavored enough water. I’m just not use to the subtleties. He also doesn’t add any sugar or sweetener’s so I think that makes them even more bland.
Well, while I was looking for his tea the other day at Smith’s I came across this Chai tea Latte mix. I have a friend who drinks Starbuck’s chai tea. Now they use a powder, I believe, but chai tea is made from regular black tea, so technically we shouldn’t drink regular chai tea because it is just spiced black tea, powder or not. Anyways the Chai tea latte mix that I found also comes in a green chai tea latte mix, in which I bought some and tried it. I found it delicious and on further search found out that it’s made by the same people who make Stephen’s hot cocoa, the best hot cocoa in America, I’ve never tried any others.
So I am recommending this Pacific Chai Green Chai Tea Latte mix. It mostly taste like spiced milk, but it is tasty. I’ve only tried it hot, but I think I’ll try it iced next time.

I teach Gospel Doctrine once a month in my ward.  I use to teach Relief Society once a month also, but they’ve recently released me from that calling.
I like teaching  for a couple of reasons. 1. I always get more out of the lesson and it fills my participation quota for the month. 2. It keeps me from doing certain frustrating sub jobs, even though I’m willing to help out, I know how misbehaved a class can be if they have a revolving teacher, especially in youth.

With teaching you also share a lot of personal experiences, especially in Relief Society. There were many times when I wanted to shout out that my husband was a disbeliever, but I knew that would have be an inappropriate time. “What was the lesson about today honey?” “Oh, I don’t remember, but Sis. Blake let us know that her husband is no longer a participating member of the church.”
I feel this way about Testimony meeting sometimes also. People often use it as an announcement session rather than a testament of Christ and his influence in their lives. Sometimes they air out dirty laundry and other times they just glorify their spouses. I admit I have done the later on occasion, but my testimony was not solely about my husband.
There are times that I rather have people not know about my husband because I still go to him to help me explain a topic and he graciously and willingly gives me understanding or a thought on something he read that applies to what I’m teaching. I feel as if the masses knew about him they’d tune out once I said my husband gave me this perspective or they’d immediately start thinking about my husband being an unbeliever and wonder why I was going to him in the first place.
Anyways. I am at odds at letting everyone know about my husband, but then again how do I tell people about husband, and once more I don’t want the attention it might give.
I’m mostly over the impulse to shout it from testimony meeting or in class while I’m teaching. I think I went through it mostly because I was still angry or hurt. Also I felt deceptive teaching and talking about full member families or even part member and to have the majority in the room not know why I was getting emotional.
Now I just want to be over wondering who knows and is being nice and who doesn’t know. I wish I had a list of people that have been told. I don’t see those I’ve told to be gossips, so I’m pretty sure they’ve kept the information to themselves, but I often wonder what has been said in leadership meetings and who was there. When I was in the Primary presidency in my old ward, I sometimes had to fill in for the president at these meetings. It fascinated me to hear about different people and what we were doing for the less active or newly baptized members.
So I really don’t know who’s heard and who hasn’t. I don’t know if the persons reaction is just because they’re an airhead or because they’re rude.
Maybe I’ll bear my testimony next month. 🙂

My husband has his own blog and it deals primarily with his evolving thoughts on religion and other things. My blog is primarily about my day to day life and the things I do with my girls. Every once in a while I get things that peeve me but overall it’s my life not much more.
I’ve recently gotten e-mails from old friends who have discovered my blog and the post specifically dealing with Jon’s decision to become a nonbeliever in Mormonism, or as he would like to say a naturalist.
I haven’t posted much about life and how I’m dealing with it because, like I tell many, it doesn’t affect me each day and it is not a burden per say in my life. I have a difficult path ahead of me, but I feel that my marriage is secure.

Jon is open with Lilah who asks so many questions and with that she asks questions about Jon’s non belief in God. So I have to, and he has to, answer questions about why Daddy doesn’t believe in God and why Mommy does. We try to show each others side and not just persuade her to one.
The funniest thought Lilah had because of this was this question: “Why doesn’t Daddy believe in poop?” She ask this question a couple of times as I dealt with the aftermath of her bodily functions, but I tried to explain that Daddy does believe in poop because you can see poop, no I didn’t add feel, I went on to say that Daddy doesn’t believe in God because he can’t see God, but Mommy believes in God because of the good feelings she’s had. I know it sounds a little lame but I am trying to put it in Layman’s terms for my just 4 a week ago 4 year old.
So, my new dilemma is testifying my belief to my daughters. I don’t see it so much as a trial but as an opportunity for me to learn and gain a greater understanding of my faith so that I can tell them in Layman’s term now and as they age tell them in deeper terms so they can then decide for themselves.

I am well. I love my husband and my daughters. I am happy.
I just wanted to put this little update so those who might wonder how I’m doing know that I am well. All prayers are still welcomed though. I still think they are needed, but more in the light to help me find my way in faith rather than find my way in adversity.
Some might say that this is my trial, my flame to becoming purified through Christ. I don’t know if I see completely that way. After all how is Jon’s disbelief suppose to get me to the celestial kingdom if I can’t be with the person I love? I see it as a way to show a more pure love towards my husband and a pure love towards my children whom might follow my path or chose another.
I ache and long to know my destiny. I wish I could see the end, not to change it, well maybe to change it, but so I know the difficulties that lie ahead.